What Do You At Church?

[Beanie3]

Hi, I'm not trying to start a controversial topic, but I need some counsel.  I go to a church that is very "young". We have leadership that ranges in age group, but I'm 22, the youngest to date.  Now our church is so different, we have variety of people in the demographic which is great.

However, I'm noticing that I'm receiving attention from men.  I'm a preacher. That's what I do. I don't have any interactions with these men outside of church, but I find myself catching "vibes", if you will from other men that are not single. My pastor has already warned me. He didn't tell me who because of confidentiality reasons, but warned me to be careful.  So, whenever I talk to a married person, a contemporary or elder, I ask about his/her spouse. I try to address them as a unit. But I rarely go into my personal life. Lately, I've just been dippin' out after service to avoid any possible awkward moments.

I'm I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

That's the first issue.

Recently, my pastor and other ministers were praying for someone.

( Normally, I wouldn't have paid attention to anything like this, but I was disturbed. And that's what made me pay more attention to the other male present because I was thoroughly disturbed.)

When our pastor prays for a woman he has a female minister witness to what he says and does and a male there in case that person (male or female) becomes emotional to prevent any harm to coming to anyone.

In this instance, we were in prayer, my pastor and other ministers were praying, I couldn't focus.  I just couldn't focus. Maybe it was the enemy, that's what I said, but even after the rebuking...I couldn't focus. So, begin to listen, for the Holy Spirit to instruct and I open my eyes to notice the male attendant.  Without detail, it seemed that the attendant derived sexual pleasure from the contact he was having with this woman. In an instant I was angry. We made I contact for a moment.  I didn't say anything to him. But I was able to pray after that.

Now perhaps, this means two things.
1. I'm loopy and am just seeing things.

2. Or the attendant is dealing with sexual strongholds, like most of us apparently, and needs to be prayed for.

I dunno how to approach this. I don't think it appropriate that I discuss with him his sexual strongholds. I know he's already talking with a brother about that and for reasons above.   Wise counsel is much appreciated.

[Forum Administrator]

Hi Beanie3. Re: first scenario: what you are already doing (i.e. drawing the husband's spouse into the conversation/dialogue) is wise. Another thing you can do is to ask the husband to give his regards to his wife, and then when/if you see both of them together, you can ask the wife, "Did your husband tell you I asked about you?" (or something to that effect). Generally speaking, when you have husbands who behave the way you are suggesting, the wife usually already has a clue. So in doing this you are establishing to the wife that 1) you are in support of her and her relationship with her husband; and 2) you are letting the husband know that you are not for any sneaky behavior behind the wife's back.

I was once told (by a man that I respect) that a man will often only be as much of a gentleman as you require. Unfortunately, this is (in my experience) often true. Such being the case, you can take control of the situation by being very direct and up-front. One of my pet peeves (that I've mentioned in other posts) is that most of us women will not speak up when we feel that we are being compromised in some way because we "don't want to offend." We are commanded to speak the truth in love. So if a married man says or acts inappropriately towards you, without hesitation let him know in a calm and respectful way, that you don't appreciate being approached/spoken to/treated in that manner. Let him know that you would appreciate it if he would show respect to you and to his wife/marriage. In doing this you'll probably get a range of responses: denial; defensiveness; apology; "you're trippin'"/I didn't mean any harm/I was just trying to be friendly; etc. etc. etc. It really doesn't matter what the response is, and you need not address it. What matters is that you will have established a code of conduct where you're concerned. Be consistent and you'll see a difference. After doing this, he will more than likely not approach you in that same manner as before. Now, depending on the maturity/integrity/intent of the man, he may not be as nice to you as before, but again, it really doesn't matter. Maintain an attitude of love and respect regardless of how he may or may not respond to you.

In reference to the other situation you mentioned, speak to your pastor about what you saw/thought you saw. If you were incorrect in your perception, then the enemy's strategy to distract you will be exposed and your pastor will know how to counsel/pray for you. If you were correct in your perception, this will alert your pastor to the problem and allow him to address the issue with the individual and/or designate someone for that position who may not be affected in the same way. Also, be careful that because of your foreknowledge of his problem that you are not looking for a problem. At the same time, if this is a known problem, this individual should probably not be serving in this capacity at this time. Once you let your observation be made known to your pastor, he will be able to make a determination along these lines.