Man of God, or Man God Made

[womanof1]

  Brothers, I need some clarity if you can offer any.......
I started dating a man who is a member of my church. He claimed that he was saving himself for marriage, but the first time I came over his house he made an advance at me. Needless to say we fell into temptation(all the way). Now after 3 physical encounters I made a vow to "actually" fully give my body back to God. He stopped talking to me PRIOR to even finding out that I was letting go of physical desires. I'm hurting because here I thought this was a man of God who first actually liked me, and two would be supportive of my decision. Now I don't even talk to him, and he ignores my calls and messages. I want more than anything to know how I can get over this feeling of rejection from a man who acted as if I were something special to him. And more the fact that he claims to be a Man Of God, but really he is acting just like every other man in the world I've dated.... For the record I'm not wasting my time wanting to be with him, because of his present actions, nor do I ever want to build something with him now. I just want to know how to reach closer for my feelings for him

[Novelist]

How long have you known him? For him to do this to you, I can imagine the pain.  It's funny when you are dealing with someone, you do not see what they are truly made of until after the act.  For one, you seem to like him, but he had something else in mind after achieving his goal.  In comparison, I have a similar situation, but a little different.  I have been knowing someone for years and he finally made his way to talk to me, but he told me straight up, he wanted to be physical with me.  I could not believe it because we have been going to the same church for years.  Although I am feeling him and have contemplated on this, I did not act on it.  I am not criticizing you because that was something you chose to do.  However, I am no better because I have been thinking the wrong thoughts too.  All I am saying is that, this man is not handling this the mature way at all.  To ignore you and not return your calls, I would feel hurt too.  The best decision you made out of all of this is giving your body back to God.  I commend you for being strong, yet I know you would like to close the chapter and at least know why he decided to move on without you.

[womanof1]

I only knew him for a short period of time, not very long. I think my biggest mistake was assuming he would be different because he is an active member of my church. Just like people say, you can be in the church but not of the church. I see his true colors and everyday it becomes easier to deal with the rejection from a man who truly is not about my Father's business. I made a mistake with him, and asked for forgivness, and now I know to be more careful. I did at first feel used, hurt, lied to; all those things associated with someone misguiding you, by having you believe one thing when it truly is another. I'll be ok because I have a greater relationship with a Real MAN above in HEAVEN......

[bishopbiscuits]

Hello Womanof1,

............. " I am saving myself for marriage" is not simply a "religiously correct" thing to say. Neither is it to be used to take advantage of someone's trust. It should only be said as an earnest statement of will and purpose.
............To me, "saving myself for marriage" is an excellent goal. The statement becomes valid and very achievable if:

1. You both trust the Godly wisdom in reserving sexual acts for the context of marriage.

2. You both are self-aware vs self-deceived.

3. You both confess it with your mouth.

4. You both work diligently, carefully to minimize compromising situaions.
..    Prayer is a crucial part of this.

5. You both have accountability for your actions that extends beyond the potential partner.
..      ( I'll  soon share more on this topic "Waiting for Marriage" separately in Pure Springs.)


................It is unfortunate the way your relationship with him turned out. But this situation is also an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and an occasion to seek and trust God even more.
................First of all, I'm thankful that nothing worse came of this. Giving yourself to another person is a powerful event. It will take time to put all of this experience into perspective. However, the sooner you can separate fact from fiction, the easier it may be to come to terms with the initial results of that relationship, and to determine what the ultimate effect on your life is.

(I am not looking for a reply to the following questions. It is more important that you have the answers for yourself. Please be as objective as you can. this is for the purpose of examination, not accusation).

...............What began to draw you to him?
...............What do you believe drew him to you?
...............Did red flags and warnings get ignored for the sake of the "promise/potential" you anticipated and desired at the time?
...............Did he show more than a shallow ability to know and care about you as a person in an unselfish way?
..............What was the atmoshere and general nature of your gathering together? Did you two start out or always end up alone in a home?
...............What are you discovering about yourself, in terms of being aware of your desires?
..............Has this experience made 'what you want' versus 'what you need' a little clearer?
.............Do you know that you are loved by God above and beyond any of this in your past?                                            Yes, you are!
 

.............Rejection hurts, but in this case I believe it is a good thing. He certainly does not seem like he was  ready to accept or appreciate all that is you; spirit, mind and body. If he was already unprepared for the fullness of relationship that should only be expected in marriage, any attempts to prolong the relationship as it was would just make things worse.
.............What did you represent to each other before? what do you represent to each other now?
............2 Samuel chapter 13 tells the story of Amnon and Tamar. Amnon was a man that set his affections on Tamar. Once a friend gave him a plan, he sought to "have" Tamar for himself, by deceit and by force. After accomplishing his selfish goal of sleeping with her, he sent her away and wanted nothing to do with her.
............He called it love that he had for her, but it was lust. Lust is greedy and never satisfied. It breeds impatience and singleminded focus on the objective. A person indulging in thoughts of sexual lust will eventually seek to fulfil it. Perhaps because there may seem to be no peace for their selfish heart until they can achieve their objective. And in order to shorten the path to the objective of sex, they may tear away at reason, logic, and any other consideration that gets in their way.
............Satan likes to try to take advantage of and pervert our desires. To take that which is natural and make it unnatural. To twist our thoughts and desires into the foundation of purposes we were not designed by God to operate in.
............What are some things in our hearts that may be used against us, if we are not careful? It may be a fundamental desire for acceptance. It may be a longing to cherished. Maybe a  break from the same old-same old. There may have been a lack of some kinds of intimacy in our past and youth  (Parental,social, for example) and our enemy wants us to become desperate.
......... Perhaps a bitter hurt we want to forget and escape from is driving a need for some/any kind of comfort?  Sometimes desire and curiosity combine within us as we seek an adventure, before we know what we should be seeking.


Matthew 6:33 
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

psalms 37:          (Amplified version)
3Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.
    4Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.
    5Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

James 1:17 
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

The gift of friends, or a mate given by God and in His timing, will also reflect Him to you in unselfish ways. He gave us (the church) Jesus Christ, as our first mate, and any people He sends or gives to us will be a partial extension of Him.

Isaiah 54:17 
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

This event is a stepping stone in your life journey. Any weapons that could be formed from it shall not succeed. You may not like that it happened or some of the effects it may have, though. Nevertheless, repent, learn from it, and leave this break in celibacy behind you. It should not be allowed to interfere with your relationship with Christ, destroy your ability to trust others, or cripple your hope of what God can and will do in your life.

2 Timothy 2:22 
Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

God bless and enrich your life as you work through this        BB

(all verses from KJV except where noted)

[Forum Administrator]

Hi womanof1. Just weighing in on this. Congratulations on your decision to rededicate your body to God. I think you have gained some very important insight through this experience. Excuse my vernacular, but everybody in church ain't saved and everybody that's saved ain't spiritual. You cannot take responsibility for how anyone else chooses to live their life: you have to work out your own soul's salvation. You cannot put your trust in someone else's claim to godliness. Walk out your own and if the person you're dealing with is godly they will walk it out alongside you. No matter how good and pure your intentions are, never be deceived: your flesh is never converted and given the opportunity, it will act out it's carnal desires. That's why the Bible tells not to give any opportunity/occasion to the flesh and we have to do like Paul and keep our bodies under subjection (to the Spirit and the word). It might not always feel good to do this, but it will always be good if you do.