"All Women REALLY Want A Man!"

[Breathedonme]

"All Women REALLY Want A Man!"

The above statement is what I continue to hear from time-to-time from (usually) men of God (pastors, etc.).  They use their platform to make a point to impressionable young people, particularly, that ALL women, whether they say so or not, really want a man.

I prayed and thought about this seeking God's wisdom.  For women who have been terribly hurt OR who were married for decades and are now widows or divorcees, etc., tend to grown into enjoying singleness and being independent.

Because I am often (often) presented with this in front of the entire congregation, the wisdom I believe God gave me is that it isn't necessarily that some women don't want relationships (for whatever season and/or reason), often its because they don't want the complications (or problems) that comes with being in ANY relationship (be it platonic or romantic).

Some just need to breathe.

Can't a woman just rather enjoy being single and in Christ?  I minister to so many women who are married to Godly men and they have problems!!  But of course!!!  You can't be with another human being and not have clashes, etc.  However, when you can have a choice not to deal with that (for whatever season), why is that wrong?

For sooo many years I thought I was not complete unless I had a man.  Hence, I made some very poor choices.  Now that I am in Christ, He is teaching me who He is and that me being complete is in Him. 

Yes, I've had some very bad experiences in relationships, but I don't count all men as dogs!  I have some great male friends and relatives. 

I leave my future in God's hands.  As God is working on me and as I forge ahead to do His work, if He sends someone - so be it; however, for right now, it is okay just being as I am.

I may be wrong, so I present this to Deep Waters.  I feel this type of opinion is largely from a male perspective (not leaving some women out).  Maybe I am being cynical, but sometimes I wonder about those males who hold this perspective whether it is hard for them actually fathom that some women don't want to deal with it (pride??) - LOL.  Anywhooooooooo . . .

Any thoughts?

[Gracious]

I think you are VERY wise!!!   

[bishopbiscuits]

Breathedonme 


............I want a  quart of gelato (Hazelnut), but that doesn't mean i need it right now or at all for my taste buds to be satisfied for the rest of my life.   
..........We must be careful of how we apply 'sayings' in our lives. Because the words that we take into confidence and hide in our hearts, become building blocks for both conscious and subconscious action. If we accept as 'true and whole' sayings which are faulty/incomplete as part of our primary view of life, our actions based on these words will be faulty.
......... Holding too strongly to an opinion like "All Women REALLY Want A Man!" can make having / keeping a man into a goal that rides the trail of idolatry. A woman's sense of self and identity could get caught up in the chasing, catching, and holding onto a man. The same holds true for a man seeking a woman for the sake of having a woman.
.........Relationship merry-go-rounds and unnecessary drama are possible results of people seeking in people the peace that they need to have between themselves and Jesus, and wisdom welcome and abiding within their individual self.
Ecclesiastes 3
   1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
   2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
   3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
   4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
   5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

.........Each one of us as Christian singles must make some time to appreciate being whole already (or becoming so) , and to be honestly aware of where our heart and vision are, and where His Spirit is directing us.
........We must be good watchmen over our hearts. There are occasions that we need more "me" time. We must learn to know our season, and to appreciate the joys both small and large that come with it. This awareness makes us better, and helps us to grow.
........."All Women REALLY Want A Man!" is a statement that can be taken several ways. It could be a male ego-driven belief. A testament to desparation. Or an oversimplication of women's feelings towards men.
....... I would hope that the remark was made as part of an inspired lesson that would enlighten  men and women on how to fellowship with one another. If it was treated as a rock-solid-from-everlasting-to-everlasting truth without any qualifiers, then it is at best a thoughtless generalization.
...........I  wonder what context this has been said in
I believe that your perspective is well balanced.

[Breathedonme]

Bishop,

Thanks for the response.

The comment is one given constantly (yes) in that the person giving it believes strongly in the institution of marriage in that his has lasted for several decades.  God is good!

This comment is given because this Pastor believes that we were all made to desire a romantic relationship and that God made us that way.

I've heard these comments before in various churches throughout the years, but this one tends to return to this topic quite frequently and I am the one it is directed to because I hold fast on the fact that I am not ready to be involved with anyone.

Have I been hurt before?  YES, no more than anyone else.  Could I use some financial support, etc.  YES, but God sustains me.  He IS a keeper.

Because I don't bend, the most recent question presented to ME directly and then to the other single women in the congregation (who claim not to want to be involved right now) was the following:

"If God were to send you a multi-millionaire, a Godly man who had all the things I'd like in a man (physically), wouldn't you receive him?"

He was shocked when I said, "No!"  The others said, "Yes."

When asked my reason for saying "No," I explained, that I don't believe that I don't want a companion in my life, per se; however, I am not willing to go through the conflicts and problems that come along with relationships.  At this point in my life, I am dealing with two daughters who live home with me and both have presented challenges, mainly the teenager who has several medical and emotional challenges.

After giving myself to work, ministry (I work VERY diligently in the ministry - this is not a complaint - I have great joy serving), my daughters, my mother (whom I help emotionally, financially and otherwise), I AM TIRED!!!  The little quiet time that I have, I LOVE IT and am not willing to lose this right now.  Selfish?  Hmmm, nah - considering how I stretch myself for everyone as it is.

This Pastor is an awesome man of God; anointed like no other.  I thank the Lord for the opportunity to serve with him; however, I am praying that these "women" comments will soon be over, especially since they are largely directed at me (we have a small ministry).

I will never, ever disrepect the man of God, but I will not relent just to get off of the topic.  I don't argue (of course) and I don't try to present my "position," only as stated above about not wanting to deal with the hassles that come with relationships (be they romantic or platonic).  I only responded because he asked me for an answer.

Does this help?

[Gracious]

Hello Breathe,

You wrote:

"...If God were to send you a multi-millionaire, a Godly man who had all the things I'd like in a man (physically), wouldn't you receive him?"

He was shocked when I said, "No!"  The others said, "Yes."

When asked my reason for saying "No," I explained, that I don't believe that I don't want a companion in my life, per se; however, I am not willing to go through the conflicts and problems that come along with relationships.  At this point in my life, I am dealing with two daughters who live home with me and both have presented challenges, mainly the teenager who has several medical and emotional challenges.

After giving myself to work, ministry (I work VERY diligently in the ministry - this is not a complaint - I have great joy serving), my daughters, my mother (whom I help emotionally, financially and otherwise), I AM TIRED!!!  The little quiet time that I have, I LOVE IT and am not willing to lose this right now.  Selfish?  Hmmm, nah - considering how I stretch myself for everyone as it is..."

Breathe,

I LUUUV the part where you said: "... At this point in my life, ..."

People for the most part, don't "get" that "we ALL" go through "stages of healing".  Often times I've experienced (both w/ myself & others) that people are more comfortable with you, when they can label you (aka - place you in a nice-neat-little-ticky-tacky box) ... Amen?  I'm sure that "they" think that it would be much easier for THEM, if you were a stereotype of what "they"  feel/think you should be.

The only problem with "boxing" folk in (stereotypes), is that JESUS via the Holy Ghost is made REAL to us & to others THROUGH us (for the most part anyways) when we are NOT seeking the pleasure(s) / treasure(s) found when we "do the people-pleasing thang"!!! 

Our good days & our bad days may often rest in the way(s) that we are received by others ... yet "others" don't have a heaven nor hell in which to place us ... better that we are led by GOD via JESUS via HIS HOLY SPIRIT ... granting us the COURAGE to live "righteously" (where there is TRUE inward peace), than to live "rightly" (where we give the APPEARANCE of inward peace).  Huh, I think that THAT is why we have seen so many ... so many POWERFUL PEOPLE fall from HIS Grace ... Amen?  'Cause after awhile the "heat of rightness" gets to be too much of a burden for us to bear & the mask(s) of "appearances" will tend to melt ... right before our our very eyes!

All of this is to say ... that ... The beauty of our maturation process IS priceless ... Amen?  When we mature "righteously" we learn how to LISTEN to the RIGHT SPIRIT within us - The HOLY ONE ... THE ONLY ONE that knows our TRUE destiny ... Why does HE know this? ... HE knows this because HE made us - we are HIS & HE is ours!!!     What LOVE!!!

You do YOU Susta' Chile ... 


Gracious

P.S.
Brutha' Bishop, WOW ... what a TRULY AWESOME thing that GOD is doing in you ... THAT post was WISDOM to da' MAX!!!  I know you wrote it to Susta' Breathe ... but please know that "I got it too"!!!

[Breathedonme]

Well, thank you Sister Gracious!

A wealth of wisdom in this blog. 

I love Jesus -- don't you (smile).