Dealing with Loneliness

[Xanadu012]

I know that loneliness is something that everyone deals with regardless of marital status.  However, I can't help but believe that it is especially prevelant when one is single.  Lately it feels more and more consuming in my life.  To the point that it frightens me.  I'm in the word, reading and praying consistently but it stills hurts.  I dislike coming home, because no one is  there.  Come on singles talk to me!  How do you deal with this?

[christianthought]

I find other things to do.  Work (I know it sounds corny, but it works).

Also, we have to realize that loneliness is solved by being around people.  So I make it a point to get out of the house.  Even if I just go to the bookstore, I am around people.  I hang out with people from work or from church.  Occasionally, I'll start talking to somebody that I don't know.  But the way to solve loneliness is engaging people around us.  Find out what you like doing, and find a group of people doing it.  Basketball leagues (something I personally am going to start doing), working out with people from work, reading groups, singles' ministries (you don't have to be a member of the church), fellowship groups, and a billion other things.  We only realize we're lonely when we're not really doing anything.  And as a Christian who's single, I really don't need to be not doing anything for too long a period of time.

[Gracious]

Hello Xana - girrrrl - How are ya'?

Whelp, since you've asked ... here are some thoughts for you

Christianthought, I couldn't agree with you more!!!

Loneliness seems to be a spiritual thing for me...Amen?  I've noticed that we "human-beings" were never designed to be "islands unto ourselves" - individual cells completely disconnected/ detached from each other.   Like it or not, we are meant to be a "blessing" to each other.

It seems that when we are separated from the giving and receiving (the blessings); the blessing that we can be to others and the blessings that others can be to us, we tend to miss our purpose. This seems to be the times that the Holy Spirit whispers into our hearts that something is missing, and true to form, the enemy of our soul twists what it is that Divine Wisdom is telling us by saying (this is the devil talkin' to our consciences):

"...I'm lonely, I don't have a mate, I'm not enough - not good enough, etc"

.  ... and we settle into a subtle depressed mode.

This is why I personally agree with you "C-T", we all should be about the never ending task of "making it better" - this world that we live in ... and that does take WORK - lots of it!!!

Xana, you'd mentioned that you are "in the Word" and that is AWESOME!!!  But I'd like to encourage you as James (the brother of Jesus) has encouraged us, when he said ... "Faith without works is dead" (KJV).

James 2
(New International Reader's Version)

"...Show me your faith that doesn't do good works. And I will show you my faith by what I do.
19 You believe there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that. And they tremble!

20 You foolish man! Do you want proof that faith without good works is useless?
21 Our father Abraham offered his son Isaac on the altar. Wasn't he considered to be right with God because of what he did?
22 So you see that what he believed and what he did were working together. What he did made his faith complete.

23 That is what Scripture means where it says, "Abraham believed God. God accepted Abraham because he believed. So his faith made him right with God."--(Genesis 15:6) And that's not all. God called Abraham his friend.
24 So you see that a person is made right with God by what he does. It doesn't happen only because of what he believes.

************

[/color]

For me precious sister Xana, NO-THING is more rewarding than seeing the joyous look on a parent's face after you've just SERVED their child the only nutritious meal they'd received in a week, or cleaning out your closet and GIVING much needed clothing to your church, so that YOU can help a lost soul keep a little warmer this winter.

Now perhaps you've done these things, or similar things for others ... but perhaps it's time to do more - to give more of yourself to those who need you.  Christianthought, mentioned working with a basketball league - for YOU it may be something else ... but whatever it is, perhaps GOD is re-positioning you through your restlessness. If you cannot hear HIM, then DO what it is that you know pleases HIM. And through your selfless giving, I have a feeling that the emptiness GOD has exposed in you, will be exchanged for fullness & joy.

Sweetie, we all get discouraged - your never alone there - and when we do (get discouraged), thank GOD, HE sends us friends to encourage us!!!

I pray this encourages you my sista


Gracious

[Novelist]

Xana,

I go through the same episodes of being a single woman.  It's more like the Young and the Dateless.  There were times when I thought I was unattractive, unexciting, and undesirable because I did not receive the attention from men as I hoped for.  Although I do not date all of the time, I still found it to be a problem because I should be enjoying myself, not at home within four walls.  I would spend time with family, hang out with a few of my friends, go to work, take care of obligations and it was time to prepare for the next day.  I had some insecurities within myself to deal with because my expectations and standards were twisted.  I was not the woman who was superficial or materialistic, I merely wanted a man to take me out and show me a great time that I thought I deserved.  I still go through moments now because I have been in my shell for so long.  I tried everything to make myself feel better and sometimes it did not work.  For starters, I would go to the movies with my best friend, but that did not cheer me up sometimes.

I wanted to experience the fullness of life for a change.  I thought dating a man was the only way for me to feel worthy until I started to peel those layers that were hindering me.  Xana, I realize that you and I have the misconception of singleness.  Somehow we think being single is the worst experience in life.  Of course, loneliness is not what neither one of us want, but how can we turn this into celebration instead of devastation?  Are we insane to allow our lives to pass us by and not enjoy the people who love us?  What are you going to do about that?  Do we sit and have our pity party if no one does not take one look at us?  Life has to be more than dating.  This may not be the best time to mention this, but you need a L.Y.F.E. (Loving Your Full Existence).  Ms. Lady, I hurt because you hurt and my pain is for you because I experienced all of the above.  I want to be healed, do you?  Do you want God to show you a better way to enjoy your singleness?  All of this time, I thought my pains were for me, but it was for someone who may learn from me and understand that after pain, healing must be here soon.

Xana, what does singleness mean to you?  What do you want out of it? What do you dislike about singleness?  Does singleness equal loneliness? My response to my own question is sometimes, yes loneliness can take residence, but how long will we stay here?  We do not have all the answers within our reach, however, we are surrounded with resources to acquire the answers.  Do you see where I am going with this?  You and I may be on different chapters or pages in life, yet we are here for our purpose and that is based on our hopes, dreams, desires, and of course God's touch on our lives.  Xana, we are sisters from a distance so do not hesitate to send a prayer for me and I send a prayer for you.  Make an effort to be complete in God because I am striving for the same comfort. 


Consider this to be your first day of Spring.




Novelist.