Death of Fiance'

[FREE]

I just recently became engaged. (July 29, 2006) I have been single for nine years. My daughter was so excited she was getting a new step dad and my whole family embraced my fiancé like he was already family. My family was not found of my first husband. A marriage that lasted a little over a year. It ended because of infidelity on his part.

I was so excited my fiancé and I were looking for a place to host our reception and had just found a facility and placed a deposit on September 7, 2006. Well on Friday, September 8th he said he was going to go out and hang with some old friends he hadn't seen in a while. Well I was awaken Saturday morning by a phone call from his sister stating she had bad news, my fiancé had been killed. It so surreal. I just spoke with him around 11pm. She said he was out with some of his friends, he was getting ready to leave and a fight broke out, he tried to break up the fight and got stabbed.

What's my question how do you cope with the loss of a loved one? The only person in my life whom I have loss was my grandmother and she was 80 years old and had been sick. So while I missed her and was saddened when I received the phone call, I feel I had time to prepare for her. But this was sudden; I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. It took a long time for me to date and open up to others after my 1st marriage. Now I have all these emotions and I'm not sure how to process them. My family and friends have been very supportive and I thank God for them but I still have so many questions.

How to Cope??

[David Dupree]

Hi FREE and welcome to DeepWaters,

First let me express my sincere condolences in your loss.  I really do feel for you.  I can't say that I have experienced the same thing, but I do know what it is like for loved ones to seemingly be "snatched" from you without warning, preparation or clue. 

And because of that major loss, I understand the impact and feeling of other losses that may be rekindled by this loss. 

I pray and hope that your fiance was prepared--saved.  I hope that you are also saved because the only way for you to truly come through this unscathed is through the help of the Holy Spirit. 

One thing is for sure, if both of you had/have your lives in God's hand, you can rest assured that although He did not orchestrate the demonic violence of unbelievers, the steps of the good/righteous are ordered by the Lord.

The one thing that I have learned from the major losses in my life is that you may not get used to them, but growth in God will better equip you for dealing with them. 

Sidebar[--today 9/19 I celebrate my Mom's birth.  But I remember her death even more..12/27/2001.  And although I miss her like crazy, God has given me the ability to better deal with/handle the extreme void I feel day by day. Yet days like today it is very difficult. But I thank God for caring about me enough to provide comfort and consolation.]

You have to trust that God is who He says He is--and He is! And you have to believe that God will do what He said He will do--and He will.  What did He say?  No good thing will He withhold from those who walk upright before Him. (Psalm 84:11) If you abide in Him and His Word abides in you, you can ask what you will and in shall be done unto you.  (John 15:7) If you trust in Him with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledging Him, then He will direct your path.(Prov. 3:5-6) 

I could go on and on..but I will stop on those and just encourage you to seek the face of God even the more.  It is in worship that communion with God will provide a place of refuge to handle your hurts.  It is that place where you do as the songwriter said  "forget about yourself and concentrate on Him and worship Him." 

No use being mad at God.  If He allowed something like this to happen, then He will replace your "good thing" with something/someone even better.  Ask Job!  Job lost all material/personal things 'cept his wife who didn't seem to be any help cause she suggested he curse God and die.  :-)  But Job said "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. (Job 13:15) 
Trust and obey, for there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey. 

I hope that you get to the place where you will allow God to minister to you in order that you will be able to discern His purpose through all of this.  I don't know if He wants to equip you to help others through these type situations or if He wants to provide a miracle so that you can tell others of His faithfulness or maybe even so that you will be able to later tell others of the importance of relying solely on God even though you may have wanted to rely on the new man filling the voids in your life and loving your family.  Whatever the purpose, remember "many are the plans in a man/woman's heart but the Lord's purpose shall prevail." (Prov. 19:21 NIV)

Through it all, remember that your deepwaters family will be here to encourage you, pray for you, bear you up in the coming days.  I know enough about the forum members to know that there will be those who will continue to pray for you as they already have been doing since they first read your post and will continue to do so as God puts you in their spirit.

In the love of Jesus,

ddupree

[Vikki Johnson]

This literally took my breath away.  This is tough. There are no explanations for this.  This is going to take time and as each day goes by, you will come to understand that even in this place ~ God is with you.  When you can't walk ~ God will carry you.  When you can't speak ~ God understands your silent pain.

I have personally experienced the sudden death of several people close to me (both family and friends).  IT TAKES TIME!  Take all the time you need to deal with the shock, the denial, the anger, and ultimately acceptance.  His grace is sufficient.

A couple practical suggestions: writing is very helpful.  Write letters to your fiance.  Another suggestion is to create a memorial ~ plant a garden, start a project, etc.  I don't want to overwhelm you with a lot here ~ just a note to encourage you and let you know you are not alone.  Many, many, many people are praying for you.  Embrace the strength of the Lord!

Elder Vikki Johnson
www.eldervikkijohnson.org

[FREE]

Thank you to everyone for your words of comfort. Yes we both are saved and thank God for the Holy Spirit because I truly do not know where I would be without the comforter.

I purchased a book several months ago entitled "Trusting God". I have since begun reading it again and it has brought about a lot of peace. I've been praying and seeking God so that I can get what I need from this trial and continue to grow thereby. I understand that God makes no mistakes and the great things come by the way of brokeness. So in my brokeness, I humble my spirit and thank God for the opportunity to still give him praise and to force on things of a good report.  Proverbs 3:5-6 along with other scriptures have been my constant friend these last couple of days.

Thank you again for your words of wisdom (which I shall apply) and your continual prayers.

In God's Hand,

Free

[Breathedonme]

My dear Sister Free,

When I read your post, my heart just broke.

My deepest sympathies to you and your fiance's family.

I can only address the following, in 2004 my nephew/son was brutally murdered in a botched robbery attempt.  His fiance (they had been together since the early days of college, etc., for 8 years) was devastated.

She had never had a major death in her family.  It was her first time seeing anyone in a coffin, believe it or not.

Now she had to see her man, the one who was "her world," like that.  Sean was only 25 years old.

We have had to endure 2 highly televised murder trials (in the city where this happened).  She had to go to the trials, etc.  My nephew was my sister and brother-in-law's only child.  They, too, had to endure listening to the events that took place. 

All I can share with you is what my sister says, and that it is to hold tight to Jesus Christ.  Grow closer to Him in your worship, reading the Word and in His service.  Please be reminded that your fiance's death was not a surprise to God.  Please be reminded that God knows your pain and bottles your tears. 

Some days will be easier than others as time presses on.  Flow with them through the help of the Holy Ghost.

My sister is a major spokes person for crime victims in her city and now state.  She travels, despite medical challenges, to detention centers and national victim crime conferences to do what she can to avoid others from having to go through what our family has experienced -- all in the name of her son.

I've spoke to my nephew's fiance who had just finished her Master's degree on the day of my nephew's homegoing service.  Since the trials, she has since moved to another town, started a new job and is considering another level of education.  She just wrote me the other day and stated that some days are harder than others, but she presses on to live her life.

With all said above, I share with you that through Christ, continue to live your life.  Do good things for yourself.  God will allow this tragedy to be used to help others and you may well be the vehicle used to do so.

My prayers continue to be with you and your fiance's family.  However, continue to be F R E E . . . and allow the Lord to help you to heal.

Trusting God for you . . .

Breathed