Fornication..Is It Worth It?

[wellwoman]

Fornication..Is It Worth It? [/color]

To Whom it May Concern, and You Know Who You Are!

I received an email that asked a question concerning being Saved and having sexual desires so being the writer that I am that immediately sparked me to put pen to paper. Married 5 times by the age of 34! (My True Story)This is a subject that Unfortunately I am qualified to comment on.

At a critical point in my life I had to stop and ask myself some hard, painful questions. All of the men that I stepped outside of the will of God and gave myself to, where are they now? What seemed like fun and the fulfillment of my desires was only an illusion, a short-lived illusion at that. Although I was doing my thing..fornicating, sinning, my spirit was dying on the inside for the end of that fulfillment, that Sin is death.

The worst part was that I lost myself. Not only did I give up on God, I also gave up on me. I delayed my journey to my Purpose by returning to my yoke of bondage.

My excuse was that I did not want to be alone, I just wanted to be loved both emotionally and physically, but I learned the hard way that you can't get around God! Only what you do in Christ will last!

I had to realize that the love that I was searching for only God could fullfil. After running from man to man, relationship to relationship and marriage to marriage I had to come to the painful realization that having sex was not the cure to my loneliness, to my pain, because most of the time after the deed was done that familiar pain, longing and desire was still there!

Romans 5:21 says "But then what benefit did you get from the things of which you are now ashamed? None, for the end of those things is death."

My Sisters and Brothers in Christ, I am a witness that there was no benefit from my fornicating but there was Plenty of Shame!

I thank God for His Love, for His Mercy and most definitely for His blood that though our sins be as scarlet, it washes us white as snow!

Hold on! Don't let the enemy give you the Ishmael before the Isaac!

TK Jordan - Author/Playwright
"Woman at the Well-Get Past the Pain!"
"When Loving You Is Killing Me!" (Women/Singles Tour)
www.tkjordan.net
tkjordan@tkjordan.net

[Novelist]

Wellwoman, you have spoken the truth.  I can relate to those same issues by my own actions in fornicating.  I thought that having sex was going to take away the loneliness, but it made me feel worse.  Although I was professing salvation, I wanted to step out and have sex for a meantime.  The getaway was not faraway.  I chose to run from God, run from my problems and it continued to build up.  I was angry with myself, regretful, ashamed, guilty, and I was unclean.  My heart was crying out for love, yet it was there all the time.  Instead, I wanted to feel a man's touch when God's touch was what I needed.  Vulnerability had become my middle name and I lived in it day and night.  In my heart, I knew fornication was wrong.  I made the wrong choices in men by allowing them to have their way with me for fulfillment.

Soon, I found myself void once again.  I did not gain anything.  My self worth was poor, I thought I was ugly, no one did not want me, and felt like I had to lose weight at one point.  Wellwoman, you have spoken the truth about fornication because it is not what God wants for us to do.  He loves us and cares for our well being.  For one, I needed to get my life back with God and one of the things I have done was confess my sins and asked God to cleanse me again.  I cried out to him to help me in these areas of weakness because I battled with it for so long.  Your words have been helpful to me because as women, we want men to love us, nurture us, and to be secure in them, but that is not where our life should totally be.  I realize that God is the source of our life and everything we are and to become is from him.  Sometimes I have a hard time with patience because I think about time.  I am 26 years old, graduated from College, making goals for myself, yet I am dateless.  That was my mentality and I still struggle with that, but I am learning each day, I must totally trust in God for everything.

Dating would be nice, maybe it is not the right time for me to focus on anyone.  I need to focus on God and his plan for me, which can be difficult because who does not think about dating? We may want to spend time with a nice young man, having good clean fun and feel liked by that person.  All I can say is that God is in control and fornication is not the way.  It leads to death because it is a sin and I have been in that sin too many times, that's why I am making amends to get my life back on track.  Thank you for sharing your life.  God Bless you



Novelist.

[Beanie3]

Reading these replies from you two ladies just woke me up. I realized that this was why God doesn't want me to do give myself to a man unless he's made a vow to Him that he will be my husband. I'm not very sexually experienced but normal intercourse is something I've yet to experience, but lately have been wanting to do. I've lied to myself. Telling myself that sexual intimacy is a normal desire and it's time to do it and just get it out of the way. I don't think God would be too upset. He would understand. Coming home for the holidays made me so sad. My family laughed at me "You're married to Jesus."  "What's your boyfriend's name?"  I doubt I'll every bring anyone home. I didn't seem like to many men are interested in me anyway, but I know what that's about. It's cool, but I appreciate you women being honest and telling the truth. I was going to do something I'd regret forever.

Thanks.
Beanie

[Novelist]

Beanie3,

I returned to deepwaters and read over what everyone has commented about fornication.  When I read your post, I thought to myself, "Wow, just by what we said, changed your life in some way." That is encouraging to me because I am now 27, no children, never been married, graduated from college and I felt empty for a long time.  Surely, I was going to church, doing my thing and thought romance was not in store for me.  Maybe it's because I need to get straight with God and myself.  I wanted validation, support, affection, and the physical touch of a man.  Sometimes I feel the same way, but I must fight back because my life is just beginning.  All of that time of messing around, not protecting myself was silly and foolish.  I was a foolish woman because I wanted the entire pleasure, but gained nothing. 

Your response affected me in some way.  In your mind, you were ready to give yourself to someone and then you changed your mind for the better.  I am not sure what you were facing, but you felt the flesh eating at you and tempting you to go the extra mile.  Congratulations! You made the best choice! Oftentimes, as women, we desire a man so much, we would compromise who we are for them and that has to end.  We have to be strong in the Lord who is the strength and essence of who we are.  I commend you for being strong even when you are weak.  Believe me, it stares at you and you just want to dive in it.  I battle with the flesh all the time and it can be a hardship because if I am alone with someone I really like guess what? I may end up in bed with him.  I believe God is not bringing no romance or nothing in my life until I completely surrender to him and not allow a man to be a distraction.  For some reason, I am not dating because I am not complete yet.  It's good to know that we can encourage each other and be real. 


Be blessed


Novelist.

[Forum Administrator]

Hi beanie3!

I doubt I'll every bring anyone home. I didn't seem like to many men are interested in me anyway

If you keep talking like that that  , you'll be absolutely correct. Check out (if you haven't already) the Deep Waters Walking On Water series for more on the power of your words. 

P.S. Glad you recognized the lie.

[Beanie3]

Everyone's words did affect me. The effect was critical in my decision to repent. I was foolish in reasoning and recognized through your words why the Lord commands celibacy. Sex is one of those things God denies a person, not because we are bad, but IT CAN BE BAD FOR US. 

I think when God stood back and looked at Adam and said that it wasn't good for him to be alone, he was acting in Adam's best interest.  God also acted with HIS own purpose.  God's purposes always are best serving us. He loves us that way. I believe that you and I (Novelist) are single because it is our best interests to be. Because God is fulfilling purposes in us and through us, it is the best thing for us.

I'm trying to look past emotions right now. I want to imagine myself standing next to God waiting for him to say, "Okay, kid, it's not good for you to alone." Like Adam, I trust that God will prepare and provide a suitable mate.  Do I believe there's a one? 

I believe that are types of men that are suitable for me and through the course of my life God will determine who. So, I'm not conducting a manhunt, or surveying the men that are already in my life. I  know what God saying "No" sounds like...

And yeah, my family is very discouraging. I meant that I wouldn't bring anyone home for them to meet. They don't even like Jesus apparently and that's a whole other issue to discuss.

[David Dupree]

Beanie you hit on a salient point. 

Proverbs 19:21 say "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the purpose of the Lord shall prevail." (NIV) 

Too often we are after our own "lusts" and not considering God's purpose for our life.  Purpose is always found in the creator, not the creation.  How would it have been if Garrett Morgan asked the traffic light, "what do you do?"  Or if Alexander Bell asked the telephone, "what do you do?"  No! Purpose is found in the creator. 


I really like that old James Hall song..repetitive as it was, but it spoke my heartbeat.

God's will is what I want
God's will is what --I --want
God's will is what I want
For my life.

Hmmm what about the other song..."God is in Control!!"

The Word is still true, "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  But they are new every morning."   Don't let things that aren't even your business consume you.  God takes care of the sparrows and the lilies, surely He will take care of you, the prize of His creation made in His own image and likeness. 

dd

[daria]

so, i went to vegas for new year's and because i am making a concerted effort to live more christ-like and to follow all of god's teachings/rules and not just the ones i find convenient, i resolved before leaving that i would NOT misbehave.  didn't work out that way, i ended up getting caught up in the moment and making out with a man on the dance floor (i don't know his name, by design because i didn't want to know it or him really).  but the experience has left me feeling strange for a couple of reasons:

first, i felt nothing.  not lust, not temptation, nothing.  in many ways, it was just something to do.  the reason this struck a chord with me is because omarion has a new song out calle icebox (i don't know how many of you listen to hip-hop like me, but...).  one of the lines in the chorus is "i have an icebox where my heart used to be" and i'm beginning to think that applies to me.  i don't feel anything anymore, not even lust.  maybe this has something to do with my fantasy life (see my other post).

second, even though i have prayed for forgiveness and really talked to god to acknowledge what i did was wrong and that i allowed myself to be tempted into something that i clearly should have known i was vulnerable to, i don't feel forgiven and i can't decide if that's me not forgiving myself or if that's god letting me know that this time a simple i'm sorry won't work.

finally, i realized that i like anonymous "sex".  i like not having to expose myself to someone and be open to being hurt.  i realize that is a reaction to the past, but much of the reason why i let that man get close to me physically is because there was no chance for him to get close to me emotionally or spiritually.  anyone who has the ability to do that i won't give time of day to, but men that i know i will never keep around i always talk to.

i put this here because it seemed to belong, but i'm not sure why.  anyway, i needed to ramble a little bit about my trip because it has affected my new year in both positive and negative ways.

[bishopbiscuits]

Hello Daria


..........I thank God for His grace, His mercy, His truth, and His love right now! Your post reminds me of some of what He has done and is doing in my life.
...........One of the things that I love about Jesus, is that He is a teacher. If we allow Him, He will reveal the mysteries of life, especially our own hearts.
.........In my life, I have allowed situations to take place over time that negatively affected my fellowship with Christ, myself, and others. I was often too busy or preoccupied with keeping myself entertained to know  what was truly going on in my heart. And some things I was afraid to pray about, because I had the impression that the solution to whatever was going on would not be appealing to me. (Or I felt that I couldn't stand to fully admit what I'd done and tell it to God, too ).
...........Because I would not make the time to be aware of and learn about myself in smaller instances in life, it would often take situations that finally brought me to tears before I would be humble enough to listen. With pride broken, my motives and actions in question, myself just trying to get out of the mess, I would reach back out to Christ. Finally ready to pray and ask questions and accept answers; to learn at His feet.

...........One thing that is true: our interpretation of events is not perfect or complete. We need His revelation.

..........Don't get caught up in "feeling" forgiven. If you have prayed in faith, repenting and asking for His forgiveness, then it is yours! Right then!
..........A pity party that lingers will interfere with your ability to operate in faith. For it is full of doubt , fear, and confusion, but not hope.
...........Sometimes we let our mistakes leave a fog of doubt. We lose sight of what is certain and true about us, about life, and about God.
.......You may feel that there is work to be done, and that trust must be re-established, but by faith forgiveness is yours NOW![/b][/i]

.........Be prayerful and open with God throughout your day. He will show you yourself  and your situations. He'll give layer upon layer of revelation to help you be that much more able to make choices that are in line with your true needs and God's vision for your life. Choices that lead you to the victory you seek.
...........Realizing that there are challenges ahead, form your resolve to become better prepared to meet and overcome the challenge. It starts by realizing what is worth fighting for (what is most precious, worthy of sacrifice for).  Learning how to fight, and what you are fighting each battle with (tactics and  tools). Then committing yourself and that which is within you to meeting and beating the challenge.
..........And letting go of what does not "fit" the vision of victory that you plan to walk.
...........Seek God the more and learn. The past is just a starting point, but what you do now helps determines what effect the past has, and what type of future you can experience.

[Lotusblossom]

My eyes are open
Thank you for the comments and words or enlightenment. You
don't hear conversations about this.  Everyone makes excuses
from saying men need it, to if you don't then you'll be alone and so on, and that is designed to keep you from god.

I am living proof of gods grace, and thank him for his wisdom and providing me with his understanding, so as to make those changes which are necessary for me to have his blessings, and that includes a man who loves god and knows his will, Amen

Be Blessed...I just shared my journey about some of this topic
and the struggle it took for me to get back home. Girrrl, when i think back I wore myself out, lol!