Step Parenting

[Forum Administrator]

Hi again survivor.  There are 3 new articles in the Catch of the Day section that have been added in direct response to your question:

This article is primarily for you:
Ways To Develop Boundaries

The following two articles are for the development of your relationship between you and your new daughter:
Loving Your Unlovable Teenager

Connecting With Your Teen

I believe these articles will be very beneficial. If after reading these articles, you still have questions regarding boundaries and/or discipline, please let us know.

[IAmBecauseHeIs]

Survivor,

If she is living in your home, you should have right of discipline, otherwise your house will be divided...and she will be in control.

You and your husband should come together in prayer on what boundaries are to be set concerning discipline. Questions regarding restrictions (grounding), and or corporal punishment (when necessary)  need to be clearly defined between the two of you. Once you have set these boundaries you MUST stand on them TOGETHER. Let her know what the decision is and don't waiver.

In my home, my husband has full autonomy for discipline. If a situation arises that he feels needs addressing, he addresses it. I have been blessed in that the three of us--my husband, my son's father, and myself--have a relationship of mutual respect and we each support the other's decision. If he's punished in one house, he's punished in both houses. Going to the other house is not an escape from restriction. To answer the unspoken question, YES, my husband does punish him physically if that punishment fits the crime. And my sons father supports my husband's decision accordingly.

We decided to do things this way because we saw where my son was using the lack of discipline from my husband to play the ends against the middle. If boundaries are not set and explained to your daughter by both you and your husband, she might use to her advantage the lack of discipline from you.

Remember, she may be a young woman, but there can only be one QUEEN...the Princess has to abide by the rules for the kingdom as set by the King and Queen.

Love you MUCH!!

[survivor]

Thank you all for all your advice. Thanks for the articles also. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I dont have access to a computer so I have to use one when I have the oppurtunity to get on one.

I'm not sure if I asked this question somewhere in the postings I've posted - what do you think a step parent should call their step child? Me personally I refer to my step daughter as my husbands daughter or at times my step daughter. I was told I should refer to her as my daughter but I'm not her mother and dont know if that's appropriate. Does the bible have any scripture on step families?

[purity]

Hey Survivor!

I'm a step parent and I refer to my step daughter as "daughter." Now that's not taking anything away from her mother but this is what works for our family/step daughter and I relationship. I remember having a conversation with my her in which I shared with her that she didnt have to call me "Mom," but I would still refer to her as "daughter." I think every step family situation is unique so what works for one family may not work for you/another family. I think its up to you what you should call your step daughter and the comfort level that both you and her feel when you refer to her (vice versa).

Check out the book "The Smart Stepfamily" its a helpful resource and Christian based and per your question will give you the scriptures you are looking for.

Hope this helps!

[David Dupree]

Hi Survivor!  Glad to know that you are still in the "race." 

In answer to your question, the Bible declares that Mary was impregnated by the Holy Spirit.  Even so, the geneology of Jesus found in Matthew trails the lineage of Joseph, Jesus' step-father.  To the best of my knowledge and recall, the references of Joseph to Jesus was as father or "supposed" father of Jesus. 

In that regard, I would suggest to you that regardless of how your "step"daughter refers to you, you would do well to refer to her as your daughter--especially to the company of your friends and others.  The more you say it, the more it will resonate within your spirit.  That will also show forth the Love of God in you to others..that will run from heart to heart and breast to breast.

Now, you may not get the same designation from your daughter in return...but don't you stop.  Keep planting seeds. Let God determine your harvest, not your "step"daughter.
Speak it!

dd

[Forum Administrator]

Hi survivor. Here are some additional resources to support you in your new role: Resources for Stepparents (found in the Catch of the Day section of the forum).

P.S. in reference to a portion of a previous post of yours, I had my first child when I was 36.