Am I a stalker? I don't think so

[KEEPHER]

MEN, BE WISE!
I am married 40+ man. My wife has been ill over the years. So
sex has been largely a myth. I thought I was Superman until I met a young lady about four years ago. She's twice younger than I am. Very attractive and talented singer.

I was leaving a church one night, and all of a sudden she ran up shouting my name and hugged me tightly.

I was a bit startled because I didn't know her, and it seemed Innappropriate. She was trying to give someone the impression that we did. I even didn't know her name and didn't ask.

However from that night there was something evil set off in me that would drive me crazy for the next 4 years.

About 6 months later, I was at a banquet where I saw her again
I said to myself that's the lady who hugged me. She was a very attractive young lady. On this night she didn't know me.

That's when I started trying to find out about her and finally I talked to her about a year later at the church and we both descreetly exchanged numbers, I thought. But immediately, she began to shout loudly, Okay I'll call you!

Again, I was startled.

As time went by, she didn't call. Soon I was calling her repeatedly. It took a few weeks before she returned my call. We
agreed to lunch on a certain day, but would call to confirm.
The day came and went, no word. No answer to my call.

Finally I said something is not right here. So I threw away her phone number.

Then a few days later, she called at midnight, hanging up when my wife answered. But the next morning she called again, insistent that we meet asap. We agreed on lunch a couple days later.

That day when I called, she tried to cancel. I told her it was today or never. So she said okay. She gave me her address,
which is about an hour's drive.
So when I arrived about three hours later I was startled as she opens the door wearing a bathrobe and runs up the stairs. My mind then runs wild
until she reappears fully dressed. She wasn't hungry so we drove around and talked about her college life, music
and interests. I told her about my wife, family, etc. After that day she vanished. No email
or calls.

For the next three months it was silence, then she called. Silence. Then an email. She wants to meet. I go, only to be stood up. This happened two more times. No explanation.  
More silence until the next time she calls a year later.
She wants me to pick her up in an hour. This is the only time she has free. Urgency pulls me in again.

I can hardly drive as she plays in my hair and flirts. I'm so
afraid, because I know she'll disappear again.

Obsessed. I confess thiking about this woman daily for the past four years. She laughed, but kept flirting. I didn't respond. I felt guilty enough for just being there. Then she finally demanded, You're not gonna cheat are you? Somehow I said no, although inwardly I was a giant yes. I dropped her off. Silence again.

I soon mailed birthday and Christmas gifts although I don't really know correct address, among many she's had. Later on, after not hearing anything in response to recent gifts. I wonder if she got it. So I take a chance and drive over to the latest address I have. I look to see if her name is listed on bell. I rang bell, no answer. I try again twice a few weeks later.

Last week I called her mom's
house and ask that she have her daughter call me. No call came until the other night.

It was from a man who asked if I knew her? I immediately said, yes. I thought maybe he would say, you had mailed to the wrong address or something. Boy was I wrong.

He proceeded to say that she is afraid of me because I keep mailing and coming by her apt. She has a restraining order.

Isn't that strange how things turned out. I was the one who was afraid back when this began
four years ago.

The saddest part is I risked so much for the thrill of the unknown.

If only I would've heeded the scripture, FLEE YOUTHFUL LUSTS!

Dr. Laura wrote a book, Ten Stupid Things Men Do. I feel so ashamed. Yet I'm still afraid. Because if she suddenly calls I don't know what I'll do.

Men wake up and fight. Don't play with lust.  

Pray one for another. Be in touch and accountable to other men.

[Minister]

Keeper you are obsessed with this girl that keeps playing with your heart.  See when a woman knows that she has a man in the palm of her hand, she'll play with his mind all day long.

She's also young and immature.  She really doesn't like you, but she'll try to get you to do things for her.  You need to stop trying to see her because you have been committing adultery not physically, but in your heart.  Repent and ask the Lord to restore your heart back to your wife.  It is not worth your soul.  I understand your wife may not be sexually active because of her illness, but you did take those vows "For better or for worse, rich or poor, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH" right?

Right???  

You may need to go on a 3 to 5 day fast and put in lots of prayer.

[ethereal]

How transparent! That you were able to sit down and let others into a struggle that has taken you through so many twists and turns is...I don't have the words. All I could do was let out a breath when I got to the end. The correct response is to tell you to pray, seek the Lord and allow Him to do His "great work" in you. My other reponse is this: Confront and kill! Confront the attachment you have to this woman, bring into the light (confession) and kill it by taking the firmest stand that you've ever taken in your life! I concur with Minister, "it is not worth your soul". In a milder sense, I experienced the same frustration of a non-sexual relationship with my wife. The unfortunate aspect is that I didn't know Christ at the time, so I did exactly what a sinFULL man would do. I have to live with every one of those inicidents. I have to live with having had been a thief (stealing physical intimacy). PLEASE, PLEASE do EVERYTHING that you can do smash this thing into the ground! The enemy comes to "kill, steal and destroy", not "slap us around a little". Get angry with where he's tried to take you and fight with the only weapon that has any power:  the name of Jesus! "The name that is above every other name. The name of "frustration", the name of "Lust", the name of "Adultery" the name of "depression", the name of defeat. I will praying for you KEEPHER. I will be praying for you.