Am I married to his family too?

[One_of_the_few]

How tolerant of a person's family do you have to be when you're married?

[David Dupree]

Hey One..

You ask how tolerant? Well, if we must forgive 70 times 7 then I believe that the same application must be made here.  If there are some things you need to tolerate, then there are some areas of forgiveness that need to be explored. 

But let's look at the topic you chose: "Am I married to his family too?" 

The Bible in Genesis instructs the man to leave and cleave. That to me indicates that a wife should supercede the man's family.  That doesn't mean that the man divorces his family; just that his familial priority has shifted. 

In most marital vows, you get something to the effect of "and with all my worldly goods, I thee endow."  The family is not a consumable good as such.  But the family is a worldly (fleshly) item that has to be dealt with. 

The old folks used to say that blood is thicker than water.  So family is a given.   I have always heard that if you watch the way a man or woman treats his or her parent(s) then that should indicate how he or she will treat or entreat you. 

On the other hand, if you have some "messy" inlaws, then it sounds like time to set up some boundaries to deal (or not deal) with them. 

I have always been of the mindset that I would rather have inlaws than outlaws. But you have to remember this:  when you point the finger, you have 3 pointing back at you.  Or look at it like this: to you, they are the inlaws...but to them, you are the inlaw. 

At the same time, consider that he is married to your family too. :-)

A little detour...
  I recall that my mother, God rest her soul, always treated her daughter/son in laws the same, if not better after divorces had broken the bonds of marriage with her children.   I believe that is an example of the type of love that we should have one to another.  Now, I will grant that I believe my mother was a very unique person.  And not all persons will be able to have the type relationship with a mother in law like her.  But I do believe that is the type of love we should strive for.  It is true, Love does cover a multitude of faults.  And prayer changes things.  Not only does prayer change things, but it changes people too. 

Finally, remember Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.


dd

[Gracious]

Hello One Of The Few:

May I say "Yes & Amen" to EVERYTHING brotha' Dupree unveiled!!!

How tolerant must one be regarding a spouses family when married?

Please don't think my answer obsequious when I say: "Only God can answer that question for you!!!"

Yes, the bible does provide somewhat explicit instructions regarding the marriage covenant and our conduct forthwith; however the REALITY of your question, appears to expose more (realistic) separations in families than unifying ties!!! 

Here's my meaning:

I cannot tell you how many SSF folk' (Saved Sanctified & Filled w/ the Holy Ghost Folk') I've known, who have taken that WALK of Faith (Marriage)... strolled down that aisle...said "I do" (...AFTER...fulfilling their premarital counseling sessions) ... A situation arises...AND...BOOM!!!  Out of nowhere arrives the "INLAW Spirit" (in fleshly form). Be they mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, etc. ...take your pick!!! The unknowing spouse has to (as in has NO choice but to ...) deal with their spouses family issue(s)!!! Nine out of ten times, should there be negativity, the likelihood of that negativity (emotions ) WILL spill over into the marriage.

How do couples avoid said problem? Somebody...(One of the two married...preferably both) needs to have a functional relationship with the LORD, as brotha' Dupree exposed in...:

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

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"...Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh...".

This scripture has been explained by many earthly authorities (spiritual guides = Pastors, theologians and the like) to mean that one's spouse is to be in all ways...considered first (second only to GOD)!!! However...because of this sinned sick world we're born into (earthly values promoting distorted biblical principles), worldly ways dictate that that is most assuredly not always the case; specifically when the "INLAW Spirit" announces his/her presence!!! Amen? (Perhaps...ya'll married folk' KNOW what I mean).

Plainly... WHEN YOU'VE SAID... "I DO"... TO THE LOVE IN YOUR LIFE...WISDOM ALSO DICTATES THAT YOU'VE  SAID "I DO" TO THE SEEN & THE UNSEEN!!!     You've said "I DO" to the person you've adoringly envisioned...his/her FAMILY...FRIENDS...AND...ISSUES!!! (Though, not necessarily in that order.)

Because ISSUES...are a constant, that may never leave a relationship (as soon as one is resolved, UP POPS ANOTHER!!! )...perhaps GOD intends us to gain peace in the knowing that Only HE distinguishes the whole TRUTH about anyone and everything!!!

Along with the warm & fuzzy's (the honeymoon of marriage)...isn't it good to know that Jehovah Shammah soooooo graciously gifts all of us with the KEY to "THE  KINGDOM" ... PRAYER!!! AND...FAITH to unlock the DOOR...

PRAYER...to deal with the "INLAW Spirit"......FAITH....to receive/welcome GOD...as HE TRANSFORMS that which the enemy of our soul(s) dooms as evil...towards a heavenward...GOOD!!! (Gen 50).


Always,

Gracious

[Candie Price]

It is never easy to leave and to cleave - to leave the comfort and safety of your family (or his) and cling to this person whom you still have so much yet to discover about.   Making this union more difficult is the concept of embracing in-laws who may not embrace you.  However, every challenge that we are faced with in our lives - only points us to the omniscience of a great Father! 

You are married to him - yet you owe his family nothing but love, respect and the promise that you will love their son as unconditionally as you can through the love that Christ has given you!  After all, that is what your family wants from his also, right? 

There are times, however, when this relationship between inlaws doesn't go so well.  As Bro. Dupree stated, these are the times when boundaries must be set - but love is always shown.  If you are not respected and are made to feel alienated - then it is your husband's responsibility to address his family with his expectations of the treatment of his wife.  But make sure that you are doing your part! We win others by our witness and by allowing Christ to shine through us.  Be careful to watch your tongue and show forgiveness, tolerance and patience.  Is this easy? NOOOOO! But it is necessary so you can continue to grow in grace and be an example of what a child of God looks like when they go through, when they struggle and when they're hurting.  This, after all, is what we are here for - to be salt on the earth. 

Salt stings, but heals the open wound, salt creates thirst, and salt provides seasoning.  The Godly way in which you choose to carry yourself when attacked may sting to those who seek to abuse you - but it can also provide healing for their circumstances.  The joy you possess as they are mistreating you will puzzle them and possibly create a thirst to know WHO you know, and finally, the Christ that dwells within you will provide seasoning to the bland lives they may be living.  It will not be an easy task, but allow God to use you for His glory in the midst of the circumstance, no matter what it is.  Stand tall and be the SALT God has ordained for you to be.

Be Blessed.

Joy2bHizz