Struggling

[phoebe]

I'm struggling in my walk with the Lord.  I have been saved for more than 16 years.  I am involved in ministry in my church and I raised my only child in the church.  A  single parent I desired to wait until my child was grown before I started dating.

My problem is that I am burnt out.  I work and serve in about 10 ministries in my church.  There is never a Sunday that I am not busy working or serving in some way.  Not only that, since my child left for college.  I am very lonely and have found myself thinking about sex all the time.  I have not dated in years and have been told that I am attractive and I am, but there just isn't anyone in the church to date.  It has gotten to the point where I look at pornography, masturbate and fantasize about being with a women as well.  I feel so bound and I pray and cry out to God in prayer for deliverence.  I can't  seem to get a grip on these thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I'm feeling so unhappy in my life right now.   I dare not share this with anyone at my church ( to many judgmental, critical and backstabbing people).  I want to be in the will of the Lord and totally surrendered to Him. But evertime I lay this down, it's not long before I pick it up again. I desire to live a righteous and holy life, to be in right relationship with the Lord.  It's been hard to pray, because I'm ashamed and feel that I have let the Lord down by not being obedient to His word.  

I want to go back to school and get my degree.  This would mean I have to give up some of the things I do in church.  I don't want to feel like I'm abandoning my post (so to speak)  I need deliverence I know, it's just all so frustrating!  Help!

[Dennis Sawyers]

Phoebe,

I feel you sis.  Given the information that you provided, it's no wonder that you are feeling burned-out.  You have taken on an inordinate amount for an extended period of time, and it seems that things are falling apart.

I understand also about the flesh issues you are dealing with, and while this response will not be the fix for all that you face, I hope that I can provide some insight and some encouragement to hold on.

I agree that in singleness, it is good to be busy -- particularly busy doing the Lord's work.  There is one key to succeeding at this, however.  David declared in Psalm 16:8, "I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved."

The psalmist has made a determination to always put God first -- in all decision making, in all efforts, in meeting all needs, etc.  I realize that the past is the past, but I want to revisit how you may tend to make some of your decisions.  I wonder if you are making decisions without first consulting God and seeking godly council (i.e., overextending to 10 different ministries, closing yourself off from the opportunity for a wholesome, holy relationship until your child is grown).  While in theory, these decisions may seem to be good ideas, I wonder if they were God ideas.

I think this is a critical point to consider because you don't want to repeat past mistakes.  We can all be subject to becoming overzealous and doing things that seem to have a spiritual connotation without really letting the Sprirt guide our efforts.  This causes us to become religious instead of spiritual.  The Spirit leads and guides us to all truth -- all that is right.  

My first prayer for you is that the Lord fills you with His wisdom, which is true spirituality.  This is something that you have the privalege of simply asking for and receiving.  The Word of God declares that if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask for it.  God gives it freely.  

This is how we put God first.  Some may think that putting Him first means always being at church and always availing yourself to do everything needing to be done in church.  But, if you don spiritual wisdom, you'll find that sometimes it's better to let someone else step up and grow in ministry.  You'll find that it is the Father's determination that it is not good for a man to be alone.  For that reason, he made woman that the two would become one flesh and produce godly fruit.

Beware of making decisions for your life without seeking the face of the Father first.

How to conquer the flesh???  That's a question that so many wrestles with.  The Apostle Paul says this, "...mortify the deeds of the flesh...," "...walk after the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh..."  Self discipline is critical to this.  We build our self discipline through practice and through fasting--denying our flesh.

My advice is that you plan a fast, and lay your fleshly desires before the Lord.  Ask Him to rule your life, even your flesh.  Build yourself up by singing before Him hyms and spiritual songs.  Get engrossed in His Word.  Do all of this with the intent of conquering your flesh--breaking the cycle of the maturbating, etc.

Regarding the pornography, throw it out!  Turn it off!  If it means that you have to be inconvenienced to have the victory, walk in victory by any means necessary.  Get rid of the computer in your home if you have to, and use the public library to get critical e-mails, etc.  If you have to unplug the televisions and store them away until you master your flesh, then so be it.  It boils down to how bad do you want to be free.

I find that when I keep Him on my mind, I have victory over my flesh.  I cannot focus on the Father and lust at the same time.  And, "practice makes perfect."  The scripture says this--"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you; resist the devil and he will flee."

The grace of God is here to lift you out of this horrible pit.  It can keep you and build you up and give you an inheritence among them who are sanctified.

Finally, let your profession be that you are an overcomer.  Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.  

I pray you are encouraged to go on.

Much love to you,
Dennis

[Vikki Johnson]

Hi Phoebe:
 
My initial response was "whew"!  My next response was "wow"!  I immediately felt your heaviness of heart and perceived your sincere desire to please God.  Congratulations on being a great mother.  You are to be commended for the many sacrifices you've made that have paid off.  You have a child in college and well on the way to success.  Now it's time for you to prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers. (3 John 1:2).  In other words, it's time for you to pursue your dreams NOW.  Going back to school is a wonderful thing AND it will put you in a different environment to meet different people.  Expand your activities beyond "church" and discover "a whole new world".
 
First, you need to know that God takes good notes and He is fully aware of your history.  Here it is Sis, straight with no chaser ~ you are doing too much at church.  God gives grace for purpose.  You can't manage time, but you can manage priorities.  You are actually standing in the way of someone else working out God's plan for their life.  Just because you "can do" doesn't mean you're "called to do".   Make a list of all the ministries that you are involved in and honestly examine your role.  Resign from the ministries that you're involved in because there's nobody else to do the job (which should be at least 8 of the 10).   It's physically impossible for you to give your absolute best to any capacity because again, you are doing too much.  "What would they do if I'm not there?" ~ you may wonder.  They would find someone else.    It's okay for you to say "NO".  Burnout is not of God.  God's desire for you is to not just exist and go through the motions of life, but to live life to the fullest (superior in quality and sufficient in quantity). (John 10:10)
 
You've been saved for over 16 years but you haven't enjoyed a love relaitonship with God.  There is a difference.  The danger in being consumed with "church work" is that you become religious and ritualistic in your routine, always pouring out and never receiving.  Hence, burnout, unhappiness, lack of self-control, anger, loneliness, and lack of fulfillment take residence and take over.  Return to your first love and watch your life come back to life.
 
You said: "I feel so bound and I pray and cry out to God in prayer for deliverence. I can't seem to get a grip on these thoughts, feelings and emotions."
 
The only way to gain control of your feelings, thoughts,  and emotions is to spend quality time with God (i.e. read His word, listen to worship, talk to Him, write letters to Him, simply rekindle the flame).  We are made for the love of God and nothing less will ever satisfy us.  God alone is the missing piece of the puzzle.  When you become filled with the fullness of Him, you'll no longer be desperate for things that don't satisfy.  This will give you strength to submit to God, and resist being drawn away and enticed by your own lust.  You didn't wait 16 years to have a perverted "love life".  Girl, God has something wonderful that He's preparing you for.  Don't short-circuit the process now.  
 
You don't need more of anything right now except God!  Once you begin to walk uprightly before Him in EVERY area ~ your life will surpass your own imagination.  (Psalm 84:11)  God wants you to be happy NOW.  Change your thoughts by reading the Word of God.  Study the book of Philippians ~ it will strengthen your mind and spirit.
 
Finally, visit the resources section of Deep Waters and get two books I strongly recommend:  "Hinds Feet On High Places" by Hannah Hurnard and "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  Phoebe, may the God of grace and comfort keep that which you commit unto Him.  He's a faithful Father and He loves you...no matter what!
 
Elder Vikki Johnson
www.eldervikkijohnson.org
Please click on the book title links for more information or visit the Deep Waters resources pages for Singles and abuse.

[David Dupree]

Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe!!  

First of all, I echo what my brother and sister have said to you.  But let me add a little.

You are being wooed!  God is calling you to "move up a little higher."  You have shown your faithfulness to the people of God, now it is time for you to fulfill your ministry with God.  

It is time for you to change your focus.  If you have not been in a structured Bible school, then get in one.  If you have been, then take some electives.  

Next, I agree that you should evaluate the auxiliaries that you are serving.  Additionally, you should determine what is your best service. One way to do that is to take a spiritual gifts assessment.  There are some on the internet that you can take.  Do a google search on "Spiritual Gift assessment" and then see what comes back.  Take a couple of them and see what your gifts are.  Then see what auxiliaries are enhancing those gifts.  What auxiliaries are inspiring you? Then determine which auxiliaries are also enhancing your spiritual growth.  Let the others go.  

My pastor, Bishop Owens,  declared that this year is a year of transition.  I declare that for you too.  Make this a period of shifting of your priorities from working to serving--that is ministry.  Make your serving (and working) purposeful as opposed to needful.  You have to strike a balance between those things you like to do, those things you are called to do, those things you are talented to do  and those things you are gifted to do.  And to whom much is given, much is required.

You need to determine what Pastor Clint Brown calls that thing or things that makes your baby jump.  When Mary went to Elizabeth, the baby jumped.  What really seems to fulfill that ministry tug in your life?  

In the meantime, I also caution you to beware and be aware of the enemy's attack(s).  Once the enemy sees that he cannot get you to leave church or leave God, he just tries to plant enough seeds to convince you or make you or trick you into falling...and falling hard.  But now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling...!! Recognize this..as the scripture says, your best righteousness is still as filthy rags.  So remember that still after 16 years, you still have not arrived. The enemy still wants to destroy you and if he can't destroy you he will work to destroy your testimony and if he can't destroy you or your testimony he will try to work on those things close to you.  Therefore, don't be weary in well-doing. You will reap if you don't faint.  

Stay encourage and recall that there are some benefits to the struggle.  Jacob stayed in the struggle with the angel and did not let go until his blessing was solidified.

The old folks sang a song that said "stay in the storm and it won't be long, we will anchor by and by."  

dd

[phoebe]

PTL,

To each person that responded.  Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and confirmation.  I have printed each response to keep myself encouraged as I seek the Lord's direction for the service He wants of me.

I also ask for your prayers as I submit my all to walk out of the bondage that I have been in and into a new love relationship with the Lord.  Back to my first love!!

I expect to have a new testimony not many days hence.

Stayed Blessed!  Talk to you all soon!

Sis Phoebe

[Gerard Henry]

Sister I hear your pain.  While you do need deliverance, please understand the season of life you are in.  For years you have sacrificed for others whether in ministry or your household.  Now is the time for you to focus on you.  Do not feel guilty for thinking that way.  You have been essentially doing it in a perverted manner already.  Instead of entertaining the perverted activity, I would strongly suggest that you take a Sabbatical from your ministry activities and focus on things that will pour into you spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.  Let the focus be your own personal development.  This is CRITICAL... your vulnerability is due to you not experiencing God in your activities.  Just because you are doing ministry doesn't mean you are walking in obedience.  Obedience in this season could very well be SABBATICAL... REST... CEASE FROM YOUR LABORS....

I guarantee that once you plug into some of the things you desire, like your degree pursuits, you will begin to feel refreshed, complete, and less vulnerable to the temptations of the flesh you are struggling with.  Also, as you pursue God's path for you in that area, you may put yourself in a position where God can present you to a man of God He has chosen that does not exist in your church.  Pursue your purpose in this season... and let God love on you in the process.  This will be instrumental in your deliverance.

If you decide to take a sabbatical, I would also advise launching your new season with prayer and fasting for a season.  It is a great way to establish your focus on the new direction God is taking you, being determined to walk in your deliverance.

Peace and Blessings,

Gerard

[bigal32]

Evening!  I know you posted this message back in January, but I know exactly how you feel.  Trust me!!! 

But I picked up a book about 2 wks. ago.  I have found it to be great and it is really speaking to my spirit.  As soon as you can, if needed, get your hands on a copy.  It addresses the same, EXACT issues that I, we and many others have and are facing right now today. 

The title of the book is, "When Good Men Are Tempted" by Bill Perkins.  I don't know why that is the title, but I say it is great for anyone, whether male or female.  Reasoning being, we "all" struggle and we all are tempted.  If the devil himself tempted Jesus, who are we that we cannot be as well.

For the Master!  Be Blessed!