A little confused

[christianthought]

Hello all,
  I have a lot with this question, and the issue is a little old, but I'll make it short.  I was head over heels for this young lady.  She let me know that she was not interested, but she still kind of shows that she is.  People think that we are dating, because we are always around each other, but we aren't.  She says that she is very affectionate, but personally I am not that affectionate to people that I don't like, because I don't want to give the wrong impression.  This issue has been going on for seven months, and I am trying to get over her, but it is taking a little longer than I'd like.  My mind (and various advisors) are telling me to let her go and move on, but my heart is not being very cooperative.  I know that impressions can be wrong, but I keep getting the feeling that she likes me.  Am I being silly?

[ethereal]

i c that this is a little more wide open than your other posting. If the young lady has told u that she's not interested in a romantic relationship, but continues to "give off signals" that is someone that u need to leave alone, b/c it's apparent that she hasn't figured out what she wants or it may be a case where she wants all the advantages of a "boyfriend" but none of the responsibility. It must also be taken into consideration your ability to truly "read" her. Are u seeing/hearing/feeling something that's really not there just b/c your heart wants it 2 b true? (the heart has a mind of it's own, trust me  :-/). Moving on is something that U are going 2 have 2 decide 2 do. Has God spoken to you reagrding this young lady? If not, it may be wise to back away and give both of you some much needed space.

[Gerard Henry]

Or she may liked "being liked" by you my brother.  There is wisdom from many counsellors and if they are telling you to let her go, I would recommend you do that.  The withdrawal process can be difficult, but please be assured... if she is not walking in honesty concerning the appearance of your relationship, she will prove to be deceptive or deceived which will be very challenging in the context of marriage.  Release her and let God deal with those issues. If it is to be, you want it God's way in God's time.

God Bless

[christianthought]

Well, it has been some time since my posting, and I think it it time for an update.  In response to this forum (which was extremely helpful) and various other counselors, I decided to let her go.  More important than that, I found the Proverbs 4 verse that spoke about guarding my heart, which I was not doing at all.  So I decided that I would do that, and it has been very interesting, seeing as how it seems that she doesn't want me to let her go.  I still get comments about how affectionate she is, but my mindset now is just to make sure that I am emotionally alright.  That has been an adventure, seeing as now it seems as if I was replicating that situation with at least one other young lady.  
The danger, I suppose, that concerns me is that prior to my rededicating my life to Christ, I could be involved in various physical interactions with females and not feel any emotion towards them whatsoever.  Looking back, I think it was selfishness, but that is interesting, seeing as how I was saved, but not actively walking with Christ.  In recent months, I was put in a situation where I could have been physically intimate (to a degree, but not all of the way) with a young lady in whom I have absolutely no interest.  I was kind of torn at first, but I stood my ground, and told her that I was not interested, and that I didn't want to use her.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I am concerned that I will become apathetic again, and not really be emotionally involved, ie callous to other people's feelings.  I believe that I have emotionally grown a lot since my last relationship, and it would be a shame to go back to how it was.  But I didn't really get hurt by females back then either, and that was a definite positive to the situation.  So what do you think about that?  I appreciate all of your counsel.

[ethereal]

2 things - 1st, it is great to know that you have figured out the situation and took steps to fix it. 2nd, i am very proud of you (as is God) for taking the "escape" clause that accompanies temptation. i assure that you will be soo thankful for that decision down the road.

Next subject: it wasn't that you "weren't getting hurt" back then, you had just ceased to let anyone in, since they all had the potential to hurt you. Let me explain it this way: if you are in a fight and you run around the ring, ducking and dodging your opponent for 10 rounds, there was never really a fight. get it? w/o fully engaging, the chances for getting hurt decrease dramatically. you probably did yourself more harm than good by that kind of behavior. The fact that you don't want to be apathetic again, speaks to the true nature of what's in your heart and that's what God hears and knows. If you can find it, buy the book entitled, "six battles that every man must win". the book is phenomenal in dealing with the real issues that christian men face. be blessed!

[manonfire]

Christianthought,   You made the right decision in letting that go.   I went through that with a young lady about a year ago.   We traveled together,  I loved her daughter as if she were my own.   The father had to remove her because she could not see the valour in you.    What an irony it would have been if the one he had for you came along and you were preoccupied with Ms. Wrong.    I wish you all the best in your new relationship with Christ.   I also commend you for not taking advantage of the last girl who wanted to be with you.   He will send the one who will return the love and affections that you deserve

Yours In christ,

Man on Fire

[Novelist]

Firstly, I am a woman and by reading the changes and phases of your life with this ambiguous woman, you made a good decision.  Women are not always innocent in situations like this because at times, women want to play the cat and mouse game, but it becomes extreme when mixed signals are insinuating someone to stop, go, wait, run, walk, and the list goes on.  When men and women are single, true enough we are different because of the roles we play, however, there are shared interests and common goals for relationships that we all should want in our lives: Commitment.  Yes, this may be too much or too little due to expectations and standards, but it is imperative that men and women understand the message and motive in who they select to spend their time with.

For instance, this young lady wanted your time meaning your attention and she had that, but not anymore! With help from God and Godly counsel, you were able to release her from your life because it is unnecessary to deal with.  To like or love someone, words and actions need to be clear and if not, confusion resides.  Just know that God is working on you and your mate, take it from me, I know he has to work on me!! God bless you.