Is it normal to feel and act this way?

[Novelist]

Currently, I am confronting several issues in my life.  For one, I am going through financial hardships, relationship residues, oftentimes, I feel selfish and alone and then I am this happy, smiling and laughing individual around certain people.  Some people had experienced the unfortunate side of me whereas others, like family, close friends, or boyfriends from the past had been affected by my eccentric personality.  At times, I want to express the way I feel, but then I know that I can lose control especially when I want to tell someone what they need to hear.  Also, I have been in depressing moods and then one minute later I am happy.  What is going on?  I would like to be constant for one day because I camouflage my hurt in different areas and refuse to unleash who I truly am at times.  Not that I want to deceive, but I am afraid that if I exclusively let go, I will expose my identity and no one will not love me for who I am.  I am being honest and I want the same in return, so what I am earnestly presenting here is genuine concern for my personality and whether or not, the normality is acceptable or abnormal.

For instance, there are some things that I would not do around a guy that I would do around my friends or family because I always wanted to appear close to perfection before his eyes.  This is crazy, but it is the truth.  There are limitations when I am around certain people and I purposely know that for a fact.  So, is this right or wrong?

[Forum Administrator]

Dishonesty is always wrong, no matter how we try to justify it. Most of us know that an outright lie is wrong, but whenever there is an intent to deceive, that is also wrong. In one breath you say you are being honest, but in another you speak of camouflaging your feelings and hiding your identity so that you can appear to be more perfect. That is a contradiction and an intent to deceive. If you don't want to deceive as you say, then don't.

Modifying your behavior to appear "close to perfection" is also a distortion of the truth. The truth is none of us are perfect. We are all works in progress. Novelist, everyone has issues... everyone. Every single human being on this earth has things in their lives that need to be worked on. That does not make us/you abnormal: that makes you human. The good news is that God is doing a work in every believer.

To present yourself as someone you are not is not only dishonest, it is unfair to the person you are dealing with, especially if you're in a relationship. In doing so, you are trying to build a relationship on a lie, and that kind of foundation always crumbles. The truth always comes out. It may take some time, but it always comes out. If you want genuine relationships, be genuine and allow people to get to know the real you. That way you won't have to wonder/question whether or not they love the real you or the mask you put on.

After a while, you'll get tired of wearing that mask. That in itself will contribute to your depressed feelings. Trying to stay ahead of this game of deceit you're playing will wear you out emotionally. Get out of the game. Make a commitment to being honest. That does not mean that you must unleash every emotion on others. You must learn how to manage your emotions instead of letting them rule you. If you try to suppress or repress your emotions, this will also contribute to your depression. Until you learn how to manage your emotions, instead of "unleashing" them on other people, take them to God. Vent to Him. He can handle the fury that most people won't be able to handle... and He'll still love you when you're done.

Start being totally honest with yourself not only about what you're feeling, but why you're feeling that way. Taking the time to think through your feelings and get to the real root of the problem is a key to self-control. Instead of being so intent on telling people what they "need to hear," start telling yourself what you need to hear: the truth of the word of God. The fruit of the Sprit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Be angry (for the right reasons), but don't express your anger in sinful ways. Speak the truth in love (for the benefit and building up of others). Forgive. You're not alone. God is your helper, and He that has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it. This is the truth.

"Walking in the Spirit" means that you allow the word of God to rule your daily behavior instead of allowing your flesh to rule it. Novelist, walk in the Spirit. That means you must get into the word of God and let it get into you. Read it. Meditate/think on it. Absorb it into your mind and spirt. The word of God is spirit and it is life. If you let it, it will transform your mind/way of thinking, and consequently govern your behavior. The word of God is what will bring constancy into your life.

Is it normal to feel and act the way you have been feeling and acting? The answer depends on whose standard you are measuring yourself against. If you are committed to an earthly (carnal) standard, then it is normal. If, however, you are committed to God's standard, then it is absolutely not normal, and furthermore, you are living beneath your power and privileges as a believer.

Novelist, God loves you in spite of your faults. He loves you! No matter what you do, He's not ever going to love you any less. Don't presume upon that love or take it for granted: value, cherish and honor it. Walk in the confidence of that love and let His love do the work in your life that it has set out to do. Only when and until you embrace the love that God has for you will that fear that you are tormented by be removed from you. When you are convinced of the love God has for you and you realize that you are accepted by Him because of Christ, you will no longer fear unacceptance from any individual and you will be free to live and grow in God's love.