What Having The Father and a father showed me

[bishopbiscuits]

.....Born in 1974, my parents divorced in '79. Custody went to my natural father in '81, then back to mom in '84. My natural father stayed in touch, and meanwhile around '87 I accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviour, then prayed for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
.....As we grew in the Lord, though separated by hundreds of miles, our communication took on an honesty and respect for each other. God's love in our lives is helping us to encourage and bless one another.
Here are some of the twists and turns on the way.

NATURAL FATHER:

.......My dad has always been a symbol of strength, compassion, discipline, love and comfort. Daddy seemed to have everything under control. I had stability, freedom and accountability with him. He nurtured my interests in music, and I still have my trumpet from fourth grade. He talked honestly with my brother,sister, and myself about anything we wanted to talk about.
......But, like us all, he had some weakness. He did have a temper that on rare occassions would come out. He was in the church, but had not reached the point -in my grade school days- where he knew and trusted God like he does now.
......A painful moment for us both happened when I was a baby. I believe he was working and going to school at the time. ( He revealed this event to me in my teens.) I did something that upset him and he hit me hard enough to knock me across the room.
......Because of this event, which was isolated, he had to live with the guilt and I had at times a fear that I could not describe, but it went to the core of me. Sometimes he could see it in my eyes as I got older. There has never been any other extreme event.
.......Until My dad told me about this incident, I had no way to grasp onto this part of my past, which affected how I perceived and  responded to emotional responses from others .
.......Otherwise, I was just a normal child, with a dad whose hugs were the best, who we could wrestle, play games and talk with. He introduced us to video games, italian sausage, peach cobbler. And it felt like there was no safer place than under his umbrella and in his arms.

THE CHILD

.......I began to dedicate  my life to Christ around twelve or thirteen. It was wonderful -unashamedly and joyfully seeking the presence of God. I would pray, read scripture, sing to the Lord. I even sang a lullaby to Jesus before going to bed sometimes, because I welcomed and knew His presence.
.......But as I got older, the cares of life and self began to disrupt this intimacy. I wanted God, but I also wanted this, that , and some other stuff too.
......Though my desire for intimacy and my love for God was still in my heart, it was buried half the time in the clutter of my emotions and thoughts. I backslid, and followed my flesh as far as circumstances and my morality would go. And I would also keep asking the question, "What happened to when life was simpler?"
I wanted the benefits of a committed relationship with Christ, but I had not learned how to handle some powerful issuses of mine.
.......Loneliness, sexual lust, fear of rejection, low self-esteem, anger and pride were internal.  But as a very good student, who was physically strong and fast,well liked by most every one as a friend, external expectations were put on me. Use your talent and be successful (but I had no focus/clear vision), don't let us down ( I felt like I was some rare event that people were watching, hoping that the show would get better and better.) For every area of strength people could see, I had strong fears and doubts they knew nothing of.
.......As well liked as I was I got tired of people who always had a use for my attributes, but knew nothing of how to really sow into my life.

HEAVENLY FATHER:

......When I would cry out in prayer and stand still long enough to hear, God would minister to me.

1. He created me and knew me first. He understands my structure, makeup, and limitations high and low of me. My personal architect.

2. He loves me and desires intimate relationship with me; because of this He is not jealous for us in a selfish way. the plain truth is that nothing and no one else is worthy ahead of Him of the fruit of our lives, and life committment . He draws us with chords of love. He has the best tools to minister to all the areas of our lives. It hurts Him to see others ( including ourselves) mess up His divine  work in progress.

3. He has a purpose for me. I operate best when aware of and operating in His design for my life. When I allow Him to be my engineer, He can build me up and prepare me to fulfil the architect's (His) original design.

4. He knows me heart, mind, and body. Part of Jesus' coming  from heaven to earth was so that He could know our struggles firsthand, and show us directly God's will, love, and desire for us. I ask Him to strengthen me in my areas of weakness, and to help me wisely use my strengths.

5. He is my ultimate resource. He is Jehovah Jireh, my provider. Everything I need I can find in and through Him.

.......The more I know and trust in my heavenly Father, the less I have to wrestle with everything. Seeking and yielding to His will helps eliminate strife. Knowing that He is only a prayer away is a comfort, a protection, and strength to me. I am never alone, and I have for my first companion , the best companion in Jesus Christ. His perfect love casts out all my fear as I grow nearer to Him.

.......Nowadays, there aren't many secrets between my natural father and myself, because God's Word and Spirit have ministered to us. And the painful memory that stayed with us has lost its power to torment either of us.

Thank you for traveling with me on this journey.

What has yours been like? How did God minister to you? Reply and let me know.

Peace and love, BB

P.S.  I have to look up the scriptures that I had in mind to share. If you recall or come across a scripture that is an example of how he relates to us, post it in a reply here.  I will do the same.

[ethereal]

BB,

I had a rough childhood from about 7 yrs old. I lived with my father until I was 7 and then I was sent to live w/my maternal grandmother (a very hard time for me b/c of abuse, but wonderful in that I realized that I had accepted Christ as a child, I just didn't realize it) and I was there until the age of ten when my mother appeared in my life (I had only seen her once befoer that). Life w/my mother was nomadic. There was abuse, a lot of lack, many boyfriends (at least one who was terribly abusive) and much drug use. I was abandoned by mother at the age of 15 and found my father again at age 16.

I didn't come to truly, truly walk with Christ until I was about 30. During all of these years, with all of the sin in my life, I always had a "leash" of sorts that would not allow me to go "too far". God always seemed to have His hand on me b/c, I aasure you, I should be dead, in jail, a druggie (dealer or user), and a homosexual (I was taken advantage of by an older male cousin when I was around 8 or so and that spirit tried to attach itself to me as a teenager). God even preserved my emotional state b/c I have had the biggest disappointments handed to me by the women who were most influential in my life, yet I never was able to become hard or cold toward women. I have now and have ALWAYS had a reverence for women. God even led me to make amends with the women whom I had slept with before I gave my life to Christ as an adult!

My father came to Christ around the same time I did, well into his 50's. I thank God for sparing his life for such a time as this, as he was a heavy drinker, drug user and gambler (see how God works? He kept my father out of my life for all the years that he was a danger to himself and everyone around him). Our relationship, even before Christ, seems to never have been affected by our absence from one another. Now, it is so wonderful to talk to my dad on the phone about how good God is!

My walk with God (aware and unaware) has been, well, interesting. Each day of my imperfect life, I truly attempt to be all that God has called me to be. Like Paul, I hate myself for doing that which I don't want to do and cry when I don't do that which I want to do. I've been disobedient and chastised, willfull and chastised and stupid (still chastised, but also given grace  ).

My journey. Any one else out there?

[Agift-fromGod]

My mother and Father separted when I was 3 years. My mother works a lot so I spend a lot of time with another people. As matter of fact I don't recall many events in my childhood where my mother was there. I was with my father a lot or you might say around him. I spend my summer with his side of the family. When I was younger I would love to see my dad and run in his arm so that he could embrace me. I always wanted him to know that I was big girl. I do recall when me and my mother were living with my daddy; I would ask my mother for the bottle when my dad was not home and when he came home I would ask him for the cup showing him the I am a big girl. My daddy showed me how to read; tie my shoes, ride a bike and showed me how to cook breakfast. When I got a little older my father began to disappoint me; he was not stable at all. He would say that he would buy me things and never showed or would not come and see me for months at a time. When I found daddy was on drug that crush my world.  I found a pipe in his bag one day; then he uses to ask me for money ALL of the TIME.  I guess he knew that my mother would never send me nowhere with out no money.  Since I was so gullible and love him so much I would give him all that I had and for a long time I would treat my male friends that I dated that way. Today me and Father don't really have a relationship; I don't know how to have one with him. I don't know what to say to him or act towards him. We talk every now and then but he is not somebody that I would call on in the time of need. I don't know how to get that relationship back that was once there.
 
I to dedicated my life to Christ when I was about 12.  When I first got saved I was dedicated to Christ to the fullest. I studied his word and I minister to my friends at school. They used to call me Minister. I would pray and tell my family about God all the time. I love been in church and it was like when I got in the Nine grade everything took a turn. I still had a desire to seek God but I wanted to go to school dances and to parties and chill with my friends. I began to want to fit in instead of being separated. The peer pressure was getting to me so instead spending more time with God I began to spend more time my friends and doing the things that was not in God will. When I got in the 11th grade I began to have sex and that took over a major area of my life. It got to the point where I was not even acknowledging God; it was all about me. Instead of sex been an act of exchange of love it became an exchange of pleasure. I was not having sex with these men because I love them but because I wanted them to please my physical desires. I just couldn't seem to get myself together I would try to stop having sex and I couldn't seem to stop. Through all this I am still going to church as if there is not wrong like I was not SICK.
 
These past few weeks I have been thinking about God and how he has kept me and always had his hands on my life. I have dealt with some many type of people and I have never been hurt physically by nobody and I count that a blessing. I have been hurt emotionally but God said cast all my cares on him for he cares for me. I love God so much for not allowing me to fall so deep in sin that I cant see my way out of it. I thank him for being so faithful when I turn my back on him. God has should me that he has a purpose in my life and that I have to turn over all areas of my life to him.  He has a great work for me in the music and drama ministry.  He said all I have to do is trust him.
 
Thank for reading
Pray my strength in the Lord