need help

[monica53]

I recently was manipulated and used by a gentleman I met a "sister church".  He was persuing a relationship with me while he was dating another woman. He told me that she was his godsister, but the truth came to light. Come to find out they had were dating. He even invited me over this woman's house and encouraged us to be friends.

Our relationship was on its way to the next level, which was a courtship when I found out that he was already in a relationship (and not just one, he has many)

When this happened I was sooo angry because when I first met him I explained that I only wanted to be friends, but he persued me so hard that I gave in (not sexually, but emotionally), and he knew that he was not going to be true to me.

People warned me of his ways, but I thought that they were misjudging them because their info was based off of hearsay. I defended him to these people of leadership and protected his name and character.

Anyway, this happened about three weeks ago. I haven't even spoken to him. I had to cool down. I want to write him a letter that would bring conviction to his lifestyle of being a manipulator, a liar, a deceiver, and a womanizer, for he is still a soul. The only problem is that I don't know what to say. He has such an annointing on his life and I would hate to see it go to waste.  He works in the music ministry and he is in dangerous territory messing with God, and the women of God.

I know that God holds his leaders accountable and I want to write him selflessly. You guys, I need more than a pray about it. I need help from a third party. I am not out to offend, but correct.

[daria]

if this comes across as harsh, please know that it was not intended that way, but...

what do you really hope to accomplish?  if he had any respect for you (or your opinions) he would not have done what he did.  if your intent is to write a letter for yourself, by all means do it.  but if your intent is to write a letter for him, your time is better spent doing other things.

if he is involved in "many" relationships and (i'm going to make an assumption here) if he's having sex in some of those relationships, then what could you possibly say that will make see what he already knows.

also, i question what kind of "anointing" he really has.  if he was truly anointed by God then he would have his own inner spiritual compass and would not need you to tell him the obvious.

i do have  question for you:  if you were warned by people of leadership, then why didn't you listen?  maybe it's not him who needs correcting?  maybe God is talking to you about you and not about him.  just a thought.

like i said, i'm not trying to offend.  but i recognize some of myself here in that it really seems to me that you are focusing on the wrong person.  the lesson was for you, not him.  God will handle him in His own time.

[Xanadu012]

My dear sister - what Daria says is true.  The lesson was for you and not for this brother you were dating.  There's a passage in the Bible which says:

"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth."

2 Timothy 3:1-7

My dear sister please don't be offended by the Word of God, but allow it to penetrate your heart.  If you have not learned the lesson of that trial at this point know that the above scriptures clarifies this for you.  Please pray concerning this and move on.  Be blessed.

[LENA]

Hey there ladies,

I have a quick question to ask on this topic. And please understand that I'm not disagreeing with the advice that was already given.......
But could it be that he keeps on doing this type of thing because nobody has said anything of correction to him?? I'm sure the other women have fussed and probably cussed him out, but has anybody ever really explained (with unselfish love) the effects his behavior has on the kingdom?

My parents fussed at me and told me what not to do but never really explained why I shouldn't do it. So now when I talk to the young girls at my church I EXPLAIN in detail why they shouldn't do certain things. Once they know the why they are more receiving of what I have to say.

Let me know what y'all think???

[Breathedonme]

Sister,

In answer to your question - my response might be a bit "out there," but here it goes:

I believe that this brother HAS to know that his behavior is manipulative, deceitful and painful.  Prayerfully you are in a church where the full Word is preached and ministered and you say he has an anointing on his life (what is the anointing that you have witnessed on his life?) -- THERE IS NO WAY THAT THE HOLY GHOST IS NOT TRYING TO CONVICT HIM. 

His flesh seems to be out of control and there is a "spirit" or "spirits" in operation.  Don't get me wrong, we could all use some teaching; however, if this brother has been possibly cussed out, told off, etc., he HAS to know there is pain as a direct result of his actions.

My concern and question is rather than continuing to tell him about his ways, has anyone spoken to the leaders of the ministry about what he is doing?  It is a bit scary if a sister comes into the ministry with "issues," is a baby in Christ and this brother comes along -- Good Grief!!!  The devil is a liar!!!!

I am looking at this situation from an angle of people coming to the church who are emotionally, spiritually, physically and sometimes mentally ill and who are looking for deliverance and healing and for them to come to the place of help and there is such a mess going on unchecked.  Anything that takes away from God's work should be dealt with (rebuke and correction with love).

Well, I could go on, but won't (LOL).

Just my penny's worth.

[Forum Administrator]

Hello monique091284. I'm sorry you went through this situation, but I sincerely hope you have come away wiser. As was mentioned before, there are lessons for you to learn from this.

It is not your/our place to try to "convict" anyone. That's the work of the Holy Spirit. Your anger will not accomplish what God is trying to accomplish in His life (see James 1:19-20).

The Bible instructs us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). It sounds like you disregarded the counsel of more than one person. What you could have done, and what I would recommend to anyone in similar situation is, when you hear a negative report about a person, take the person to the one(s) who gave the negative report, let him/her know (in the presence of the one who the negative report is about) what you have been told and ask that one if it is true. This is what the Bible instructs us to do (See Matthew 18:15-17). Prove all things and hold fast to that which is good (1 Thessalonians 5:21).

Release your anger. You were not manipulated: you were warned. Don't focus on what he has done -- that will not change anything; it will not help you either. We are encouraged to confess our own faults, not someone else's. Turn the searchlight inward. Give God thanks for the grace that He was giving to you. That grace is always available to you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He has promised to direct your path (Proverbs 3:5, 6). Come out of this better, wiser, stronger.

[Breathedonme]

Again, I am still perplexed . . . does his leadership (I mean his Pastors, etc.) know about this behavior?

God gives us "red flags" and this is a wonderful reminder to adhere to them at least inspect them through prayer and asking God to increase our discernment.

I am so sorry for those who have been hurt.  In a perfect world it should not be amongst believers; however, in the real world, as someone posted, the Bible warns us about these things.

My prayers are that you will allow the Lord to heal you and that He will give you the person to be a blessing in your life and to love you for the beautiful woman of God that you are.

Blessings!

[Novelist]

Wow! This young man is certainly in his ways, but as I read the post, you were deceived because he appeared to be this honest individual.  At times, you will trust others who do not deserve your trust due to their presentation at the time.  As other comments were made, it was a lesson for you in this because you will need God to help you discern things like this in a way that will not only guard your heart, but deal with them on a different page without emotional attachments.  I hope you will heal from this and read Proverbs about wisdom, knowledge and understanding because I am starting to read it myself.  Begin from Chapter 1 to 31, I am getting into it because I have been deceived in the past too.  This is not a good feeling when someone basically lies to you.  Right now, it is about finding the answers and it begins with God. 

Proverbs 4:23 New Living Translation: Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.  Everyone can take a lesson from this.