Finding Joy In Your Life as a Single Person...he/she will come!

[Lotusblossom]

Hey my fellow Deep Water friends, I haven't been to the site in a while, but first wanted to wish you all a Happy New years 2007 and wish you all well on your journey, and Happy Birthday to any January babies,I'm Jan too!!!  

On the topic of being Single... just sharing

Being single today seems to be a big issue for many of us, however single in misery cannot possibly be healthy for none.
I use to struggle with more issues than I do today in terms of why is dating and meeting is so tough.  Today's generation think differently about this topic, and those who come from another generation which I do, although we still faced some of the same issues and relationship problems, couples were there for the long-term. Dating wasn't about sleeping together or even being sexual at all. It was about having fun, and getting to know the person.
Call me old fashion, but I still appreciate when I guy will extend himself to open the car door, or even at a store hold the door, or
hold my hand, tell the waiter i want to change my order, it just feels nice for him to lead .  Men keep it up, I appreciate shivery!

I think as young people who choose God struggle with how to walk in this lifestyle, when you live in a world of adultery, many
who don't value their relationships, themselves for that matter.
How does one have peace within, knowing that someone is out there created for you (we ask ourselves)?  Its not easy, but I
feel that even as a single man or women god can use you for his will while he is preparing you to become that wife, husband. I had to ask myself, would I really be ready to be married during
those days when I thought I was in love, and the truth was NO!
I could not have possibly be the person in that relationship then,
knowing what I do today.  Sometimes it may be where you are in your own life, that keeps you from attracting someone.  At the
same time (for myself), I had to step totally out of my 12 year unbalanced relationship, and trust god, not myself.  He showed me, me, and what is most important I learned to love myself and value that which god has placed in me.  I was doing it the wrong way, I wanted my mate to get it, I wanted him to want better than he wanted for himself. I loved him more than my love for God, thinking that he would see what a good person I was, and a good wife and mate I would make if only he could get it, but the truth is, he is who is , and I wasn't living in the truth who I was, thus being in an unbalanced relationship.  When I tell you God pulled me up.. it was like light kicked on .  I was struggling with
my relationship cause it was unbalanced, unevenly yoked and
I am trying to keep god in the mix of a situation that was ungodly, and I played a role in that.  Though I confessed to be a Christian women, I always conpromised with my boyfriend, and used the holidays, or a special birthday to have sex with him, knowing deep inside this is not who I was... he knew it, and tried to understand, but we clashed big time.  He was one level and I was on another.  Some people don't like that term, but its not a financial declaration, it is a spiritual, emotional place of which you know if someone is of the same footing as yourself.  Its not about a job, looks or anything like that.  I had to realize he wasn't the one to be my husband. Let's just say, it took that long to find what I always knew, but too afraid that I would be alone, so I made the compromise, emotionally hurting myself over and over.

Some may view this as thinking one is better than another, and God doesn't see us this way, however he does give some "Favor" and that is how I live.  I have always found happiness in life, and try to see the best in people, to reach in myself and give the best, but sometimes you walk amongst those who are disguised in sheep's clothes and if you are not sure of whom you are, you will begin to compromise what god has already place in you, and then
you delay your own blessings.  Maybe if I were to have married
him or another guy, I would not be in this healthy place today, maybe I would not be fulfilled in spite of being single.  I am certain that you need to be a happy single, before you can be a happy wife.  And if your desire is to be married, then don't be willing to give up your virtue for a man, and man for a women.
There is someone god is preparing for you, and in its season you and that person will find your way, and it will be right. Well, that is how it could be.  I can't say its been easy to be single, but in its reality, I am thankful that, yeah you may be dateless today, but take yourself out, hang with some good friends, and enjoy being single.  Restore your mind, and live in a purpose of knowing you are worthy, you aren't alone, you are well kept by your heavenly father.  I know, I know, you don't get all that snuggly loving, but careful, cause snuggles turn into to kissing,
humpin and so on....its a natural desire, but we have control of those area's and need to conduct ourselves the way we want to be treated my another.  You teach people how to treat you, so if you give mixed signals, then you will confuse the entire moment.
Well... that's what I seem to find most people saying.  Our church last year did a month series on relationships, marriage
and being single, and listening to this often made me frustrated, all the talk about married folks and what they can do to make the relationship better, but what about us single folks?... how do we even date in today's world.  Needless to say when they had a open question day, it was hilarious, but the pastor was able to be informed, yet understood the struggle, and he said that is why he is married, Lil!  I think most people want to be loved, and have that special person to love, but the question is, should everyone be married? and my thoughts on that are NO!  Some
people shouldn't be married, some people shouldn't have kids, but we all think this is what we should do, instead of finding out what is your purpose on this earth.  Now god also wants you to have the desires of your heart so, if you desire to be married then you can, but do its god way, he will never guide yo wrong.

Anyway, I know I am rambling on, but it is my intention to share that being single faces its own issues, but being in an unhealthy
relationship could be far worst.  Often people jump into mates to mate to mate, without self examination, without healing and seeking god to improve your spiritual growth, or examine nor
access your emotional damage from a number of things.  I had to take a look at why I dated my boyfriend for so long, and i found that I chose someone very similar to my mom...its familiar, yes its true, so I had to continue learning the lesson through him, until I got it.  I had to also let go of those things which scar me as a child, and wounded me, because those same issues kept coming up in my life through all my relationships.  It wasn't until I realized who God made me to be, and that I am not my parents or my circumstance, and by gods grace I am a new creator, and that is what I struggled with.  Instead of sticking out like I should have, I tried to blend in, but I was so uncomfortable, and that is why I had to learn these lessons. As I am coming full circles from the past, I have gain a new appreciation for gods love for me and now understand that the man that is for me, will love god and will love me as god loves the church.  He will know who I am when he meets me, and I will recognize him, and that its okay to simply be a women, and live in that, and that I will attract him to me, when I am in my place.  That is not to say women need to be submissive losers, Lil, I am saying you can be a women in all her glory, have a career, good friends and still have a wonderful man.  I have to believe good men with virtue
principals and integrity still exist, cause my father in heaven tells me otherwise, so don't believe that you CAN"T and know that you WILL in its right season.  A MAN will step up, when he knows god and himself,and ladies you need to let him, okay.

In closing I hope that I have shared a little something that will encourage both genders to be of good courage and know that you are made in his image, and standing in that will not only build your spiritual foundation, but you will be better mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, co workers, and so on... There
is always hope, even in the midst of hopelessness, there is love
even when it seems no one cares.  If you look around you as you interact daily with other, who are you??? What impact have you made on another, did you smile today, did you laugh, did you share a kind word with a stranger.  Have you stopped to recognize someone who was kind to your, or simple said they apologized for bumping you while at the store, or someone who sent you a kind email for no reason.  SELFLESSNESS without loosing self, is beautiful, its God's Love, and that is much bigger that myself, but I know I play a role in that, and I am committed to be myself, and improve those things which I don't like, and embrace that which is good, and uplifting, stop complaing when life isn't perfect and breath life into my words.  I have to step into purpose that I am his child, and will have fulfillment on this earth and eternally. okay, later!  Be about peace, proactive in your efforts, and make a difference.