Really not sure what to think

[1EagleSky]

Some time ago, I confided to a friend of mine that I had a romantic interest in a guy we'd both known during our college days. My friend, upon me telling her about this particular guy I liked, said that he was extremely serious and goal oriented. What does that have to do with anything? I myself am not shiftless or lazy. Her comments almost sounded like a slam to me, almost like she was saying I wasn't good enough for him.
Out of curiosity, I sent the guy I had the romantic interest in an email, sharing my question and my friend's reaction, particularly, how her comments seemed like a slam, essentially saying I wasn't good enough for this particular person. In the email, I didn't disclose the name of this friend, or who the guy was I had the interest in. His response left a question mark in my mind. Here is his response:

"There is nothing wrong with being serious and goal oriented. Of course, if you are, you may not be successful dating someone who is not, or is, but is not on YOUR LEVEL (emphasis mine). It is something to take into consideration, when two people who are not evenly matched attempt to date."

WHAT LEVEL??? What do you think? An academic snob? Or just plain too picky??

[Gracious]

Hello 1EagleSky, and how are ya' my friend??? 

I'd really like for you to answer ... that You are blessed, even in the midst of this apparent mini-betrayal from your "girlfriend" & yes, even through that "strange" (sort' ta') response from your "DEFINETLY- NOT -NOW romantic interest".

Girl, it never ceases to amaze me at how Abba' BIG DADDY up in Heav'n, continues to see 'bout us (while were toiling - workin' - sowin' down here) ... Amen?

Sky, you do know that you can trust your gut ... Amen? That "thing" within you (again, yo' FATHER in heaven - THE HOLY GHOST), that is persuasively urging you towards HIS safety.

You felt it (from your spirit) when the HOLY SPIRIT gently spoke to you from within, and caused you to TEST / TRY the spirit of your girlfriend by confiding in her. And she (your girlfriend) gave you, within her response, several answers that you weren't expecting.

Wanna' hear 'em ... here de' go!!!

You shared:

"...My friend, upon me telling her about this particular guy I liked, said that he was extremely serious and goal oriented..."

Now, out of context, and on the surface, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her response to you. 

HOWEEEVA, in the context (both spiritually, and scriptorally - is that a word???) of your post, there is a lot there to be uneasy about ... YOU picked-up on this immediately ... Great!!! ... 'cause this says to anyone viewing, that your internal receptors are "right on da' money"!!!

From your post, her response was offensive, and I can completely identify with how you felt, 'cause I've been there ... Innocently confiding in someone that you felt held your best interests at heart, only to be blindsided by that someone (your  friend) who may hold bitterness within for you.

Uncovering your girlfriends true feelings about you ARE a blessing ... Amen? And please remember that "blessings" don't always make us "feel" warm-n-fuzzy ... Hallelujah & Amen!!! Yup, THOSE kind of blessings from the HOLY SPIRIT are designed to "open our eyes" so-to-speak, to keep us grounded & connected spiritually ... reminding us to listen to HIM (who is ever able to keep us from falling).  Now, I may be stepping waaaay out on a limb here, but my spirit is saying to me that THIS is not the first time that this particular girlfriend has made you feel this way??? Hmmmmmmmm???

Next, "the object of your affections" - personally, I saw little in his email that was affectionate towards you ... as in caring about YOUR feelings, even if you did present the situation to him in the 3rd person.

HOWEEEVA, what I did see, was a man who may not understand women very well ... (e.g. maturity issues). In any case, count your blessings, 'cause wise-women of the LORD (of which you are) understand the importance of  "earnestly listening w/ a spiritual ear" to the words of men that they (woman) "choose" to confide in... especially when "they" - the man, are not invested (hold no hidden-agendas) towards the woman that they are speaking to.

Wise MEN of the LORD, are tender with women - even when they are called to be firm and or objective with them, because "Wise MEN of the LORD" (I'm talkin' men in their 20's & up ... YUP, I did say in their 20's) truly "LIKE" women. Meaning, HOLY SPIRIT filled men, supernaturally understand the sensitivity of women (even the gruff-tough woman-folk...LOL) and hold us in the highest regard ... so much so, that they would NOT consciously do ANYTHING that would remotely cause us to 2nd guess or question our core. 

You see, precious susta', the kind of man that's the RIGHT man for you ... would be soooo busy trying to build you up ... that when HE makes his move to try n get next to ya' ... a peaceful effortless assurance will emanate from you naturally ... letting HIM know that he can trust YOU with his heart.

Keep PRESSING your way, and be encouraged[/i][/size]


Gracious

[1EagleSky]

Gracious, thank you for your honesty!

I must admit, yes you are right in suspecting that this friend had offended me before. I was unemployed at the time, and was sharing with her some of my frustrations about not being able to find a job, and she said that my not having a job was nothing but sheer laziness on my part and that I should try to get a job anywhere, even if it is Burger King or IHOP, because something is better than nothing. I couldn't even get a job at local grocery stores, let alone Burger King!

About the guy I mentioned that I like, he may have maturity issues, as you mentioned. Other friends who are better acquainted with him say he has a lack of self confidence when it comes to women.

The best thing I can do  is rejoice in who I am and Whose I am and not worry unduly over this.

[Breathedonme]

Hi All!

I may be seeing this thing wrongly; however, I am not sure if the friend betrayed you with her comment.

I have many associates/friends and all have different strengths, goals, etc.  There's one friend in particular whom I love; however, she has some areas where there is room for her "to come up" in - just as myself.

Would your friend have been a better friend by just not saying anything?  Possibly. 

Your post didn't say that you questioned your friend about the comment to get better clarity as to what she meant (if she meant to offend you).  I have two great friends who are very honest and blunt.  I truly trust them because whether we agree or not, I know they are just going to lay it on the line.

Again, this is me.

Am I offended at times - OH YES!!!  These friends don't just knock me down or put me out -- they love me and also lift me up. 

Maybe your relationship with this young woman is different.

The bottom line is that EVERYONE has an opinion and that's all it is really -- THAT PERSON'S OPINION.  As you've stated, you have to know whose you belong to!!! 

Anyway -- this is just my little "aside" about the topic.

[Forum Administrator]

Hi 1EagleSky. I was not privy to the conversation between you and your friend, so I cannot accurately interpret the tone of what she was saying and how she said it. Even if I were privy to the conversation, I still would not have been able to determine her motive for saying what she said... unless, of course, I asked her and trusted that she would be honest in her response.

What I do see is that you were offended. In reading the email response you received, I do not see anything in his response that is offensive. What he said is true. But perhaps, because your job situation was already a sensitive subject and because of the way you interpreted/received your friend's comments about the man you have interest in (and her other remarks), it seemed like insult was being added to injury.

The key, which you alluded to in your own last response, is in being confident in who you are. When you are confident in who you are, which comes from confidence in Whose you are and what He has to say about you, offenses may come, but they will not penetrate your heart in a way that will harm you. Hurt... maybe. Insult you... maybe. But no matter what anyone has to say about you in a negative way, you will still walk away knowing who you are.

As you said, don't worry about this. Don't allow your friend's comments or anyone else's to discolor the lenses through which you view others or life in general. When something hurts/offends you, take a step back and remind yourself of the real truth about you.

[Gracious]

Saints, the HOLY GHOST has taught me this ...

To admonish (caution and or warn) someone that we "truly care about" is one thing; to hack-up a person's spirit is another.  To be firm with someone (IN LOVE), is one thing; to be cold, uncaring, heartless & down-right cruel, is another.

Each one of us, at some or many points in our lives, has had our spirits invaded by others. Much of the time this "invasion" comes from people that we (for whatever the reason) trust and or call "friend". 

"A friend", (when asked???) will look at your situation, and give you their opinion-their truth - IN LOVE, about that situation, with YOUR best interests in their heart...Doesn't have to be all-sugary, but it DOES have to be - IN LOVE ... Amen?

"An Invader" is self-centered, insecure and controlling, and usually tends to mask their "own" suffrage by twisting/perverting the "power" that you've released to them, through your trust in them, in such a way that will cause you to negatively/harmfully question the "truth" about yourself (what GOD says that YOU are) - leaving YOU feeling as angry and bitter as they.

Our SUPREME knowledge regulator, the HOLY SPIRIT (ever at work within us) will tell us INSTANTLY whether a person is for us or against us...Amen? 

(Do "we" TRUST HIM - The HOLY GHOST enough to LISTEN to ... AND ... OBEY HIM???)  Hmmmmm???

I know that EVERY mistake that I've ever made in my life, has been a direct result of  NOT  tapping into (listening to), and being obedient to the HOLY GHOST WISDOM held within me - from heaven. A WISDOM source that we ALL have access to.

And whenever we choose NOT to listen to ... AND ... OBEY "our DIVINE wisdom" there shall always be chaos & confusion.

Soooooo, my precious susta Sky,  let me join in with others and applaud your closing statement:

"... The best thing I can do is rejoice in who I am and Whose I am and not worry unduly over this." 

Girrrl, you nailed it!!!   


Gracious