I see too many red flags

[1EagleSky]

Shortly after this past Thanksgiving Break, a friend of mine shared with me that she met a man at her church, and that they have become a couple and started courting. Here's some of the background info:

HIM: Former Mormon, has been saved a little over a year, has very few friends, has noted conflict (hot tempered) with step mom as well as his real mom (his stepmom primarily raised him), not very sociable, is White, works as a long haul truck driver. Feels called to the ministry.

HER: Raised in a Christian home, has been saved since her teenage years, has many friends, very sociable, is Black, does not date Black men because she feels they play too many games or turn out to be dogs, is in Divinity School, future aspirations to become a minister.

What worries me is that they have "become a couple" and started courting in such a short span of time. He says he had his eye on her for over a year (they attend the same church). His stepmom is the church secretary and also a Christian. Not too long ago, he blew up at his stepmom over something, and told her off right there in church. Some people who know her and him pulled him aside and told him he was out of line talking to his mother like that.  I have asked her about his not having many friends, and she said he's just a laid back, shy kind of guy. She says that he told her that he loved her and didn't feel worthy of her. I worry  because this guy has only been saved a year.  She says they have a married couple in the church who acts as an accountability partner to them, and also, the wife is a prophetess, who gave some sort of prophecy about them being together.

She says everything about their relationship and him feels right. She has peace, and he treats her well like no man she's ever had a relationship with has. His stepmom is happy about their relationship and noticed that he had a crush on her for over a year before he said anything.

He has gotten angry at his stepmom before over what, I don't know. Part of me wants to be happy for her, but another part of me doesn't get a good vibe about this situation. I've addressed my concerns to her before, and she always says it's no big deal to most of the things I've brought up. Should I "hold my tongue" and stop saying anything, or pray for both her and him?

[Forum Administrator]

Should I "hold my tongue" and stop saying anything, or pray for both her and him?

A good friend will speak the truth, but you may have to do a little of both. As you have opportunity and occasion, share your concerns but don't keep going over what has already been said. Continue to pray for both of them that they will allow the Holy Spirit to lead them into all truth. Get a copy of my book to her if you can (click here). Or if you have a copy already, you might lend her yours (if you're sure you'll get it back  ).

[Beanie3]

I think a good friend would wake me up out of a nightmare. I felt like I was reading a bad Lifetime movie screenplay. First of all, just my opinion, they are not equally yoked. Forget race, she's had years in Divinity School and he's newly born, converted from Mormonism...Um...he's not ready to married. Does she even know what his definition of marriage is?

I think that after reading Alethea's book she may think things through a bit. A great flag is he doesn't have any friends and he treats his mother(s) poorly. I'm sorry but I know quite a few black men that are not players and love their wives and mothers very well. It sounds like she needs to do some healing from past hurts too. What will she do if the man God chooses is black? Will tell the Lord, no?

I dunno, girl, but I think you tell friend wassup while you can. If she begins to become detached from her friends and family because of him then don't wait any longer. If you do, she may be unaccessible in the future (speaking from experience).

[Chrystal Green Gibson]

Dear 1EagleSky:

May God bless you for the concern you have for your friend.

I have a few thoughts that may be helpful:

I think you answered your own question J.  Pray for your friend and her boyfriend as individuals according to God's Word.  A great example of praying for fellow Christians can be found in Colossians 1:3-11.  You can pray through this scripture inserting the names of each person. 

If you have already voiced your opinion / concerns - it is now time to let go.  Hold your peace.  Again, this is a great opportunity for you to be the intercessor and NOT the savior.  Leave room for God to move in the lives of these two individuals. 

Make sure the motivation behind your concern is pure.  Ask God to examine you (Psalm 26:2) and examine yourself (2 Corinthians 13:3-5).  If there is any thing that does not look like God (manipulation, envy, pride, fear...) confess it and repent (1 John 1:9).  During your prayer time, bind the works of the flesh for all involved and lose the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:17-23). 

Humbly, I suggest that you DO NOT participate in idle chatter about this situation --- in other words, do not gossip about it.  If you decide to pray - simply pray.  If you would like to enlist others to join you in prayer simply ask them to allow the Holy Spirit to guide their prayers.  Keep your discontent with the matter between you and God (Proverbs 11:13 / Matthew 6:6 / Psalm 91:1 / Proverbs 26:20 / Proverbs 26:22). 

Last, but certainly not least, be Holy Spirit led in all that you do.  I am discerning that now is the time for you to hold your peace, but later, the Lord may want you to share more with her.  Remember, we server a God who will never lead us astray.  The Spirit of Truth will guide you into all truth (John 16:13).  Follow His voice (John 10:3-5), obey what He says and YOU will be at peace.

God Bless you! 

Chrystal Gibson