help for the giver

[tippieangel]

Hi everyone

My question seems simple enough to ask but finding the answer has been the problem.  So here's the Question:

How do I learn to receive?

I love giving
but I for the life of me can't receive as freely as I give and after years of giving it is taking a toll on me and it s effecting EVERY part of my life.(spiritually I'm sick)

I don't ever remember wanting "things" as a child but always wanting love, time, and closeness. I don't ever remember getting those things either.

So I always gave those things to others. Now I want/NEED to be able to receive it back. But I had programed myself not to expect love,time,or closeness for anyone.

I am very afraid that I am /have passed this on to my childern. the only difference is that I don't give them material things in place of the emotional. Which by the way I loth I hate for people to "buy" me.

Anyway, I desire so much to be closer to God and to walk in his love. I know that my WHOLE life would change if I could just truely RECEIVE love... his love then others.

Thanks for good counsel in advance.Tippie

[Forum Administrator]

Hi tippieangel That's actually not such a simple question... at least not to me. That was a question (How do I receive?) that I turned over many times even this year. The answer/understanding I now have is that receiving from God is done by faith. You have to believe that what He says is true and then claim it as your own. The things that He has said to you, you must start saying to yourself. Initially, your emotions may not line up with what you're saying, but as you keep saying what God says, those things will become real to and in your spirit (the real you) and your soul (mind, will and emotions) will line up accordingly.

Also, I heard a song years ago that said it takes grace to receive. I believe that's true. Sometimes we don't receive because of pride; sometimes fear; sometimes self-righteousness. For example, the love of God is not earned: it's a gift of grace (undeserved favor). God does not love you because of anything you've done; He loves you because of who He is. The realization of this truth will cause us to stop trying to earn what has already been freely given. God loves you. That is a reality. Stop trying to understand it based on who you are, and accept it based on who He is.

One thing that helps me to receive from people is understanding that my receiving is actually a blessing to them. I receive seed. When someone gives me something, that's seed and because I'm good "soil" they will reap a harvest of blessing just for blessing me. It would be selfish of me to deny someone the opportunity to receive a blessing by giving to or wanting to give to me. So I've learned to say 'thank you' instead of trying to seem super independent or make excuses for why the person doesn't need to do what they are trying to do, or whatever it is that would keep me from accepting kindness from others. And I've discovered that the more I do this, the easier it becomes to do. Now I'm thrice blessed when someone gives me something or does something nice for me. I'm blessed because they want to do it; I'm blessed when they do it; and I'm blessed knowing they will be blessed because of what they've done for me.

Start saying 'thank you' for what you've been given and for what others desire to give and/or actually give to you. A grateful heart is soil that has been cultivated to receive.

I also recommend the book "The Five Love Languages." You can find more information about it on the Deep Waters resources for singles page. Check with me offline and I'll let you know how you can get your hands on a copy. 

[bishopbiscuits]

Hello 

..............There is truly a blessing in giving. In receiving well, you acknowledge both the gift and the giver. Learning to be a better receiver helps complete this process which should be good for all involved.
............I have to admit that I had a similar difficulty. My case was that sometimes I felt undeserving. At times, I would sacrifice more than I needed to for someone else- which made me really, really ready for some sign of appreciation.  Or interpret getting a gift as "one more thing that I need to reciprocate." Other times the gift was unexpected, and I didn't know how to shift gears from being prepared for nothing, to being presented with something from someone else. At some times, I had resentment in me for what I didn't receive in the past (at the time I wanted/needed "it"), and so I had a chip on my shoulder that would tarnish the moment, making it difficult to receive well.
...........Based on the circumstances of our lives, especially while growing from child to adult, we develop habits and attitudes to help us "safely" navigate through life on an emotional and intellectual level. They become a form of protection for us, helping us to minimize risk/vulnerability. But, there are times when this "armor" gets in our way.
............First, the giver is the one who has made a choice to demonstrate recognition of someone they have a level of relationship with.(Acquaintance, friend, family, etc...) They determine within themselves and their resources the qualities of the gift.
..........Assuming that a particular gift is given in love without  strings attached, appropriate for the level/type of relationship involved, and has benefit or value to you, then the ability to receive it is based on the condition of the heart and mind of the receiver.
..........I just try to keep my perspective unclouded by resentment, or getting greedy. I sometimes have to check my attitude quickly, because attitudes and desires unrelated to the moment of reception can cause me to spoil the occassion for both parties involved.
...........Make peace with the past. Forgiveness of self and others will help your point of view. Erasing the old Y.O.M* notes that people hide in their hearts.
*you owe me
..........I have come to more of a balance of just going forward with my life. I keep my focus on earnestly doing what I am capable and free in my heart to do. And from time to time, when a gift in whatever form comes, I just take a moment to appreciate it. 

P.S.     When it comes to God's love, His Son, His Holy Spirit, and the gifts of His grace, we accept them by faith with thanksgiving. We are who He says we are. When He calls us worthy, forgiven, and His beloved children, it is the awesome truth. Embrace it and be encouraged to honor Him the more.  

[bishopbiscuits]

Here are some scriptures that I thought might be helpful as well

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

1 John 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
   17Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
   18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Romans 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
   15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
   16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

   29For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
   30Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

   31What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
   32He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

   33Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
   34Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

   35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
   36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
   37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
   38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
   39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.[/b]

......What an awesome love it is that He has for US! 

[tippieangel]

Thank you!

I have been seeking, asking ,and knocking because at this time in my life I have got to change. I feel like there is a blessing and a breakthru just around the next corner so I can't give up. I won't. And the Lord ALWAYS sees fit to place folks in my path to give me the encouragement and WORD I need to make it just a little easier.
It's good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles and that if y'all can make it i will too! So this Christmas season be blessed  to know that you have given a gift to me that will undoubtedly last a life time.

Thank you for allowing the Father to do a work in you& thru you so as to be a blessing to others.


p.s. Thanks for the use of the books I'm ready for the next one