Singleness is Tough

[Novelist]

Does anyone ever feel lonely and want to be loved?  Do you ever wish to go out and have a good time with the people you love?  What is the problem?  Seem as if no one has the answers to why men and women are single more than ever.  Relationships are maintenance.  Getting to know someone is maintenance.  When will people begin to see that life is short and love is long even after someone has moved on.  It is hard to get over being hurt because you want the fair chance to be with the one you love, but you are single.  Going out there is a battlefield.  Everyone is fighting, there is no peace, especially when 3rd parties are involved.  My feelings about singlehood is not having that special one to share your time with.  It does not have to be everyday of the week, but just a nice time.   What happened to men asking women out without expecting something in return?  Opening the car door or any door for her?  Paying for her dinner?  Planning a nice event that will show both parties a great time?  It is frustrating.

As a single woman, I have not had a nice date in a while.  At least meet a nice young man, instead I attract the wrong ones because maybe there is something in me that is wrong and that is the confusing part.  If I had a chance to be with someone, I would like to have a long term relationship to see where it goes than to play it by ear.  One guy said to me, "Let's play it by ear".  Why did I know that, but was dumb enough to fall for him anyway?  Just dumb.  I blame myself for falling for the wrong men who are not right for me and vice versa.  Maybe that is the reason why I am still single with no dates or mandates to look forward to.  Honestly, I am tired of the games, the shame, and blame.  I can be miserable by myself.  Life is hard enough and when people play silly games with relationships, it begins to eat me away.  Single life is tough, although it has its moments of freedom, but why do I feel bound?

Can anyone share their view on singleness and what can I do to have a better view of life other than focusing on dating.  In counting, I am 26 years old, trying to get my life together, but I would like to date sometimes.  I am not expecting a wedding ring, I want to be admired and admire someone and feel special.

[Imagineme]

Have I ever felt lonely?? The answer is yes
Do I want to be loved? What person doesn't?
Do I feel like I have so much love to give /pour out yet no one to share it with?  All the time.  But the contrary to the last question I do have someone or many people I can pour out my love on.  Novelist, I don't know if you feel the same way now as when you did in March, but I will share a couple of things that I did or stop doing.

1. I had to stop romanticizing /fantasizing about my husband (who he was/is, and where we would meet and etc and etc. Ever hear of the saying, "An idle mind is the devils' playground?"  2 Corinth 10:5 states, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..." I realize that I was opening up the door to loneliness that opened a bigger door called depression the more I  fantasized and watched certain channels geared toward women.  Ummm hmmm.

2. I repent daily; I had to ask God to forgive me for not trusting Him on how or when my dude would come. Proverbs 3:5 states, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." 

3. I am learning to love myself despite all of the shortcomings that I have or think I have. I am starting to see me how Christ sees me. This is not an easy task and it's going to take time and patience but I am worth it and so are you. I think there are so many things that God wants to share with us, the things that are in His heart. But He can't because are hearts are not ready for it, or our hearts are focused on something or someone else. 

4. I'm am learning to have fun, enjoy life, volunteer, meet other peoples needs instead of always wanting to meet my own. I am learning that there is more to life than just me, and etc and etc.

5. I am also discovering that I want and need Jesus more than I want to be student loan free, a man, and my enemies tortured  (sike that was a joke) and etc.

There's nothing wrong with desiring a mate or material things. As long as you know that they are not the ultimate prize... God is.  God knows who you are Novelist, and He knows the plans that He has for you , plans for good and not evil, to give you hope for the future Jeremiah 29:11    So take the limits off of what God can do for you and through you.  Be encouraged God will send the right dude @ the right time.

God Bless

P. S.  Remember Ruth. She wasn't looking for Boaz; he found her gleaning in the field 

[cjeani]

Hi Lady:

I hear you loud and clear.  I am single and have been now for close to 3 years.  At first, I was bitter and angry, resenting my lonliness - which made it even harder.  But I have discovered in the past couple of years, that singleness is a wonderful time in a woman's life.  It's a time for you to get your act toatally together before entering into a union.  You are a young woman, with your whole life ahead of you. When I was 26, I was just like you -- wanting so much to be in a healthy wholesome relationship.  As a result, I wasted several years being unhappy and missing out on enjoying my life, becasue I was constantly thinking about when was I gonna meet Mr. Right, and always feeling like something was wrong with me.  What an awful thing for someone to do to themselves.    I too would choose men that were all wrong for me, knowing that they were wrong for me -- but just to have a man, I put up with the rudeness, with being stood up, the lies, with the abuse, and even cheating.  I blinded myself to it all.  Let me just say this to you.  If you are single, it's becasue at this time in your life God desires you for his use.  He says that he will withhold no "good thing" from thoes that walk upright before him.  So if you don't have a man right now, it's because it is not good for you now (if you are walking upright before him).  Use this time to trave and experience life.  You have time.  Anyway, when your mind is on finding a man, they can smell the desperation, and your not going to get what your heart truly desires anyway.  This is a wonderful time in your life.  Find your passion, set some goals and achieve them.  Prepare yourself for your mate (make yourself everytihing you are looking for in a mate) but don't concentrate on finding him.  When the time is right, he will find you.

I am 40.  I've had a few relationships, but I am currently single.  I would like to meet someone, but it is not a priority, and I am to the place now where if I don't meet anyone, I don't feel like I missed out on anything, or that I am any less of a woman.  Stop calling yourself stupid.  You are not stupid, you are just making poor choices out of desperation.

[morefaith]

Amen cjeani, amen.

I am 43 (today) and GOD brought me my Beau when I was 41. Next month will be 2 years. Oh, hey, we had our problems, satan stayed between us, but we are still together. We both believe GOD brought us together and when you are truly trying to serve the LORD, he takes care of everything. If the person at least has the basics (we know when stuff is correct or not - up to us to choose right) if they love and SERVE (or always TRY) the LORD, stay in the Word (honey, this is the time for false prophets) and try to do right, it won't be easy, but you know what you are working with at least. That's key, a man who is not playing church.

I'm sure my Beau and I are getting married (at our age we are both kind of used to our ways, own homes, etc.), but if we don't, I can Praise GOD anyhow, because GOD is STILL who my heart belongs to. I truly believe this is the only reason I am so blessed with true love for the first time in my entire life! I have wasted so many years with trifling men which by the way, was MY fault. I had the power to choose correct, I didn't.  Novelist, hang in there and stay in the Word, focus on GOD and I PROMISE you, joy will be yours in abundance! Nothing will EVER make you happy except a strong relationship with GOD! GOD bless you!

[Novelist]

I would to thank everyone who responded to my post regarding singleness.  I am where I need to be right now, though sometimes it can be hard, I know God is in control.  At this time, I am making an effort to focus more on my career and where I need to be.  God is awesome and I do not want to continue to rely on people to be my ultimate provider, I want God to be my everything.  He is my everything.  From some of the comments stated, "Travel, see the world, experience new relationships, volunteer, etc., it is a great way to help others and know that someone may be in need more than I.  Also, the smell of desperation has been on me for so long, it is time for a new scent.  The scent of a refreshing life.  Singleness is okay sometimes, however, it is a time to allow God to use me at this point in my life, not that he will not use me when I am married, God is God and he is the one I should be in love with. 

Oftentimes, I have left my first love which is Christ.  He loves me as the song says.  Despite of my faults, his love covers me in the most gentle ways man cannot.  Ladies, I appreciate your wisdom in God.  Hearing from women of God who can share their testimony is a blessing to me and may God continue to bless your lives richly.

Novelist.