How can I recognize a brother on the down-low?

[Forum Administrator]

Dear Terri:
     How can I recognize a brother on the down-low?
By this I mean brothers that have sex with both men and women.
>From Avonelle - Boston, MA

Dear Avonelle:
     First, I want to tell you that the "down-low brother" is nothing new. In ancient Rome it was a common practice for married men with children to still have sex with men and boys. The Greeks and Romans believed that as long as they were not the ones being sexually penetrated they were not homosexuals. This belief has been passed down and remains the standard in the military, prisons and among many down-low brothers that we know and love. Please be aware of the fact that bi-sexual men are not necessarily effeminate. They can be macho athletes, firemen, ministers, husbands and dads. Deuteronomy 23:18, refers to men that prostitute themselves with other men as "dogs." You've heard the term, what's up Dog? The Apostle Paul addresses the problem head on in Romans 1:27. Men committing what is shameful and receiving in there bodies the penalty for their actions. This was no doubt a reference to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. It is also important to note that in this day and time there are probably just as many down-low women as there are down-low men. According to the Word of God the only way that we can truly know the secrets of a man's heart is by spiritual discernment. 1 John 4:1 - Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirit, whether they are of God... 2 Timothy 3:4-6 (paraphrased) warns to beware of the following: ...men that are lover of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such men turn away. For of this sort creep into houses and take captive gullible women led away by various lust. In order to know the men to "turn away from," you must be spiritually "fit." This comes from the exercise of prayer and studying God's Word. If you are praying on a daily basis, the Lord will speak to your spirit and clearly reveal to you things that are hidden. When God speaks to you, don't go blabbing to everyone - just hide it in your heart and ask the Lord to show you what to do. In the area of wisdom, which is a form of common sense, I want you to consider the following questions about yourself and men in your life that may be on the down-low.  

Questions about you:
1. When people try to warn you about the man in your life, do you reject their counsel or climb into a shell of denial?
2. Are you involved in pre-marital, unprotected sex? If you are married and have questions about your husband's fidelity, do you continue to have unprotected sex?
3. If you had strong suspicions that the man in your life is on the DL do you have the courage to confront him?

Questions about him:
1. Ask the guy you are dating about his sexual history. Even if he is not completely honest, remember that there's always some truth in every lie.
2. Does he often develop relationships with younger men who are in trouble and need long term help?
3. Does he have close male friends that are gay? Is he familiar with gay nightclubs?
4. Is the guy you are dating always a perfect gentleman and never makes sexual advances? Don't be impressed - be careful.
5. If possible, talk to people that know him and see what you can find out about his past relationships.
6. Does he have a male friend that is closer than a brother?
7. Does your husband complain about having sex with you, or fail to have sex at all?
8. Does he prefer anal sex?
9. Does your husband like pornographic or bi-sexual movies or magazines?
10. Does your husband insist on using condoms?
11. Does you husband visit homosexual Internet sites?
12. Is he secretive about his friends and relationships outside of the home?

I pray that my advice proves to be a blessing in your life.

Follow peace and be encouraged,
Terri McFaddin

www.Terrimcfaddin.org. © TMcF Publishing 2004

Terri McFaddin is a Deep Waters Moderator and the founder and teacher of Women's Discipleship Group based in Los Angeles. WDG Bible Study locations and weekly WDG Bible Study lessons can be obtained at the following website: //www.wdgonline.org