Secretly Hatin'

[Daddys_Girl]

Growing up, I was the only girl out of six children. It was nothing special to have many male friends then and even when I was in college.  Now that I am 25 years old, I find myself being jealous of my guy friends.

There are two friends in particular that I am speaking about.  Last year both of them, on separate occasions, begin flirting with me on another level.  I knew exactly what they were suggesting, but I tried to play this hard-to-get role.  The problem is that they did not play that game very well!  Both of them moved on into other relationships.  Recently they both announced that they are getting married.  I was in a state of...there is not a word for it.  I KNOW that neither one of these guys is the man that God has chosen for me, but that change the way that I feel. I found myself dreaming about them and wondering if it should be me walking down the aisle with one of them.  

How in the world did this happen?  I was not initially attracted to them, but when I found out that they were attached to someone, I became jealous.  There is a man that is interested in me now, but I share none of his feelings. I do not want to put him to the side and then discover next year that I have feelings for him.  I need some help...

[Forum Administrator]

Hi Daddys_Girl. In reference to what you've said about your friends who are getting married, remind yourself of what you said you know: "I KNOW that neither one of these guys is the man that God has chosen for me." Whenever you're struggling with jealousy it's good to remind yourself about what you know God has said about you also. He promised not to withhold anything that is good from you as long as you are doing the things that He requires you to do (Psalm 84:11). If you believe that God has not chosen either of these men for you, celebrate the fact that you didn't get into something that God has not ordained as "good" for you. As I've said before in my response to the post I'm struggling with my singleness, never compare yourself to anyone else because God has an individual unique plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). Celebrate with your friends knowing that God's best is coming your way.

As for the man that is interested in you now, don't force the feeling and don't use him as your contingency plan. Be considerate of his feelings enough not to lead him on. If you are not interested in him as a potential husband, be careful not to say or do anything that might lead him to think otherwise. Make the friendship clear and enjoy it. If during the course of your friendship, something more develops then you deal with that as it comes. But don't try to anticipate how you may feel "next year." That is, as my husband likes to say, "premeditated worry."