How can women gain self-esteem?

[Novelist]

As a young woman growing in society, maintaining the "Look" is hard to do.  Although, I may have some great qualities and features, it seem as if working toward those expectations are not helping me.  Of course, I want to look presentable with nice skin, a sparkling smile, and intelligence to show my educational wit.  Unfortunately, women as myself have a difficult time receiving the attention from others who may possess popularity, better looks, a stunning smile, and even outstanding talent.  It is like a competition today.  Women want to look perfect by wearing the best fashions, driving the new car, having money in the bank, and most of all, dating or marrying the most handsome man.  In observation, it is hard because I desire to have these things,  not that I want what other women have, just my own blessings.  Why is it always happening for other women and not me?  I feel as if I do not have what it takes to earn the things I want and need.

Just thinking about all of the things I need such as a new car, my own space, wearing the clothes I never knew I could afford would be a dream come true.  However, through this mirror mirror experience I am having, how can I gain my esteem?  What I need may be a fairy tale, but for others, they are reaping the harvest in abundance.  I wonder sometimes, why am I going through this period in my life where I feel as if my qualities and potentials are overlooked.  Surely, I want to make a difference, yet I am not as dazzled by my appearance.  Self-esteem begins in many places for me.  It started with unassurance of who I was, then it multiplied to comparison, again, I did not like my looks for a long time.  I never had too many boyfriends, (not that I wanted too many) but at least date and feel wanted and liked by somebody.  For a long time I desired to be loved, but that never happened for me, and now I am 25 years old and my life is vacant when it comes to my dating experience, which is nothing.

There are goals that I have accomplished such as graduating  from college and moving on to pursue my master's degree, hopefully going to school for journalism and go from there.  So, I have set goals for myself, but in the meantime, times are lonely for me.  How can I feel whole, when emptiness has taken resident in my life?  Yes, I have God, my family, friends, myself, and other activities.  Simply, as a woman, I desire to be loved, pursued, or at least a thought in someone's mind.  So, right now I am trying to get myself together spiritually, emotionally, and financially because I have more to do, but in between, I am experiencing emptiness while others are getting engaged, married, having boyfriends while they are young I will add.  Now, I am not saying that I want what they have, but God knows I want my own blessing, yet others seem to be rewarded sooner than I.  I do not mean to appear ungrateful, surely, I thank God for blessing me.  Right now, I am going through some times when I do not understand why I am going through the phase of being without certain things.  I just don't get it.

In the word, it says, "My God Shall suppy all of my need according to his riches and glory."  I have prayed over and over again about my situations and here I am, still in the wilderness.  My esteem is below ground and I need some strength to keep me sustained.  I know I am not the only woman going through this daily task, but speaking for me, I need to be reminded of God's love for me because I feel alone and it causes me to feel desperate and to want what others have because I feel like I deserve that job, that car, or that house or apartment at least.  What is happening?  My esteem is down because of all of these troubles in my life.  What to do?  How to conquer?  What is next?  I am doing the best I can, but life continually brings strong winds my way.

[Gracious]

"...Women want to look perfect by wearing the best fashions, driving the new car, having money in the bank, and most of all, dating or marrying the most handsome man.  In observation, it is hard because I desire to have these things,  not that I want what other women have, just my own blessings.  Why is it always happening for other women and not me?  I feel as if I do not have what it takes to earn the things I want and need..."

"...Just thinking about all of the things I need such as a new car, my own space, wearing the clothes I never knew I could afford would be a dream come true.  However, through this mirror mirror experience I am having, how can I gain my esteem?  What I need may be a fairy tale, but for others, they are reaping the harvest in abundance.  I wonder sometimes, why am I going through this period in my life where I feel as if my qualities and potentials are overlooked..."

"...For a long time I desired to be loved, but that never happened for me, and now I am 25 years old and my life is vacant when it comes to my dating experience, which is nothing..."

"...How can I feel whole, when emptiness has taken resident in my life?  Yes, I have God, my family, friends, myself, and other activities.  Simply, as a woman, I desire to be loved, pursued, or at least a thought in someone's mind.  So, right now I am trying to get myself together spiritually, emotionally, and financially because I have more to do, but in between, I am experiencing emptiness while others are getting engaged, married, having boyfriends while they are young I will add..."

Dearest Sweeter Sister (Novelist):

I've "watched" you to be very honest, and I'm sure that most women either can or could identify with each of the excerpts I've chosen from your post.

Listen with an open heart, as I share some things (from my heart) that God used you to bring forth:


If we are to have peace over the things in this life that hold no understanding towards us, we must accept the WILL GOD; for the bible says that HIS WILL is perfectly acceptable!!!

How do we do this???

1.   By the pressing of our FAITH,
2.   By studying under Divinely CHOSEN- (that KNOW how to Rightly-Divide the WORD...) Counsel (e.g. Pastors, Bishops, Reverends, Ministers etc.)!!!

There are NO words that I can provide that would accurately state the importance of being carefully taught, by righteous spiritual guides (Pastors, Bishops, Reverends, Ministers -  DW Forum Administrator-Moderators  etc.) that turn us to the TRUTH of HIS Word... unveiling the "mystery of the gospel"...Amen? This will supernaturally show us ("His divine plantings") how to properly mature in HIM.

Maturing in our walk unction's us, to learn how to live (abide) in Him...with the kind of PEACE that were we to try to reason with...we could not, for "it" doesn't come from this world, it is spiritual. This is what I've termed as... "living/walking in the Christ of our faith".

As a babe in Christ, accepting the obvious ...Christ lives in us, (something that we readily accept upon receiving Jesus into our lives, as our personal Lord & Savior...The Milk)...our first becoming acquainted with His character (still - The Milk), and through studying, and practicing Godly principles in conjunction with our life experience (proving GOD at HIS Word), we assemble into a deeper understanding - ("tasting" the "sweeter" character) of our Lord & Savior. (The Meat...of HIS Word)

Novelist, this is a way/process, a "rights of passage" if you will, that EVERY saint should travel. The more we learn of GOD's character, the better we are able to turn our desires towards HIM!!!

Next, there is absolutely nothing wrong with God's hearing. Help me to understood (even when I was doing this ...ooops - I stepped on my own toes here... )why saints go to the alter/prayer closets, time & time again, asking-begging-pleading for the SAME THANG!!!

...(again preachin' to myself here )  )... HE heard us the first time we asked...Amen? As a matter of fact, HE was there, blocking the fiery darts (this is where our ministering angels come in) of the "wicked one", protecting us from the seen & the unseen (that which was designed to destroy us), before we ever knew to ask HIM for anything!!!

If we are not receiving that which we ask, there are only ONE of TWO REASONS why "IT"... that "thing" has not been divinely ordered & received by us... and that reason is soooooooooo easy to say...yet "IS" a "bitter pill to swallow":

1.   we either do not have God's complete Word abiding in us,
2.   or we are not fully abiding in Him.[/color]

John 15:7 says,

"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you."

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"...BY the "WAY" of "true worship"...we would never pray for anything that would not be the will of God for we would know and obey the will of God. God's Word is His Will. If we are not receiving the answers to our prayers, we need to allow the Word of God to change us. The Word of God never changes, and Jesus never changes; so if there is any changing to be done, it must be on our end..."

Malachi 3:6a

"For I am the Lord, I change not..."

Hebrews 13:8

"Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever..."

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From my heart to yours,

Gracious