Sometimes I am jealous

[Novelist]

I am having a hard time dealing with others having more than I have because I believe I deserve blessings too.  I am happy for them, but I can't seem to celebrate the occasion because I wish it was me too.  What God has for me is for me, but it seem as if I am forgotten and I don't want to continue to feel this way.  Jealousy is not of God and I am working on myself to get rid of this feeling.  My cousin and my bestfriend seem to have it going on with boyfriends and other things.  And now my cousin is getting married and at first I was having a hard time dealing with it because I had a desire to get married as well.  But, eventually, I came around and realized she is happy, but I still desire to have a husband too.  So, now I am cooperating, being there for her, but it is something I am still battling with.  Both of us are 25 and now I believe by the time I get married I will be 35 or so.  Making excuses is not what I am doing because I know that I want the best for my loved ones, but when I seem to lack, I have a problem.  Everyone has their moment when they are shining, but I feel like I am always in the background.

In the past, I had insecurities and still do because I have compared myself to other women based on what they have, their looks, the best looking boyfriends, best cars and so forth.  I don't want what they have, but I want my own.  I never wanted nobody's boyfriend, I want my own.  I do not want anyone's husband, I want my own.  All of these things, people have except me and I feel left out as if I don't deserve those things.  What can I do to get rid of this feeling?  I know jealousy is a sin, so I am working on my attitude and mind-set from reverting to jealousy.  It seem like jealousy has been a problem for a long time because no one did not want to talk to me, I did not date for a long time.  I never had a long term relationship and I want that.  Moreover, I see people driving nice cars, living on their own, have a good job, and a nice family history unlike mine and I want what they have.  It's like a craving for something that would hit the spot and I could be happier, but maybe I am dreaming and need to see reality.  I just want to experience happiness for a change.  Things have happened to me for too long and it is time to reap something good on my behalf.  What to do? Is jealousy a sign of personality disorder?  I need to collect my thoughts and reevaluate myself.

At times, it seem like the seasons are blossoming for others and not me.  Is it me?  Am I causing my own unhappiness or is it some way for me to be tortured?  I am not sure how to confront these problems.  In the past, I have been told that I was pretty, but I do not feel that way sometimes because as a result I do not get any dates.  Men rarely approach me and if they do, it is someone unattractive.  Until this day, I don't know why unattractive people are attracted to me, is it because I am unattractive?  This is scary and I begin to feel insecure and paranoid about why this and that is not happening for me.  I need to get over somethings and I realized that along time ago, but it is a daily struggle and I need to pray on these things.  I know this.  Can you give me any advice on how to handle these issues?

[Forum Administrator]

There are a lot of "unattractive" people who go after some of the most attractive people. So the fact that "unattractive" people approach you should not be the ruler by which you measure who you are. But let's get to the meat of the matter.

There is nothing wrong with wanting good things to happen in your life. However, when you are unable to celebrate good things happening in the lives of other people, and feel that you should have what they have, then you are indeed in the clutches of jealousy. Jealousy in the life of a believer is what happens when you are deceived into thinking that God has denied you something that is good that you believe you have a right to have. Jealousy is what deceived Eve.

Eve was feeling just fine until satan came along and deceived her into thinking that God had not given her everything that she was supposed to have. From that moment on, she started looking at things and people (including herself) differently.

God went through a lot of trouble to make you completely unique. There is no one else on this earth that is exactly like you. God has a plan and purpose that is custom-made for you.  No one else can carry out the purpose and plan God has for you. You are unique.

That being (hopefully) established, let me say this: the way you will overcome jealousy is to know that God has a specific plan for your life, and to know that He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11). So, when you look at the blessings of others, remind yourself that if you don't have what they have, it's either not good for you, or it's not good for you yet. God has not forgotten you.

Additional Resource: You may want to review the post I'm struggling with my singleness! in this same category.