I'm single, 30ish, never been in a relationship...

[gracegirl]

:-/ I'm 30ish, never been in a relationship, a virgin, I love the lord and my hormones are raging! Just keepin it real yall!! This wasn't by choice obviously God intended to be this way! However, does this mean that I'm just not destined to be married? Because I love men!!!! And would like to begin, at least, exploring potential mates even if they aren't the one but at least I'll know what I don't want. I've had my eye on one particular person that I've been attracted to for the past 3 years. He doesn't know that though. We know each other and have worked together. He's a man of god but kind of into his own thing right now. However, I can't get him out of my head because he's a strong potential. But at the same time, I  think I might be missing out by not opening my mind to other potentials. Please Advice!!! Thank you!  

[Forum Administrator]

What a wonderful résumé you have! Congratulations are in order on at least five counts! You've been blessed to reach your 30s (congratulations); without going through the emotional turmoil of bad relationships (congratulations); you have your virginity intact (CONGRATULATIONS); you love the Lord (CONGRATULATIONS); and your body's working the way it's supposed to (congratulations)!   That's wonderful! Celebrate that! Oh, there's one more: you love men. That's one more thing to celebrate. ;-) It sounds like everything is in working order!
 
Only God knows what you're destined to be, but whatever it is, it is something wonderful. The fact that you desire marriage could be an indication that marriage is a part of God's plan for you because everyone does not have that desire. You have a wonderful "résumé," and you don't want to put any bad history on it or present it to someone who is not even qualified to review it. Marriage--no matter how wonderful it is--takes work. So, before you apply for the "job," be very selective about who you present your "résumé" to.
 
1. Know what you have to offer. Before you explore any potential relationships, you need to have a clear sense of who you are, and be prepared to articulate that as necessary. Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Know your personality. Know your likes. Know your dislikes. Know what your purpose is. Know what goals you desire to reach in life. We can attract others based on our assets or our deficiencies. Do the work necessary to maximize your assets and minimize your deficiencies.
 
2. Do your homework. Once you know who you are and what you have to offer, and you have a clear sense of where you're going in life, you can begin to develop a better idea of the kind of person who might be best suited for you. Do your research. Every good candidate finds out as much as s/he can about the position and company that seems promising. It is good that you have indicated that your desire is not to be a girlfriend, but to be a wife. That's an important distinction to keep in mind as you do your research. Don't waste your time considering potentials who are not offering (or preparing to offer) the position you ultimately desire.
 
3. Ask questions. When you "interview," you're not only asking questions to see if you will be a good fit for the position, but also to see if the position (or the person offering that position) will be a good fit for you. You are not in a passive position. The person who is offering the position you seek should also be presenting you with a "résumé" that outlines the benefits and rewards of the position being offered.
 
The company is Marriage. The job you're interested in is Wife: an executive partnership position that is both challenging and rewarding with lots of perks and responsibilities. You have a tremendous advantage, because you have a personal relationship with the Owner of the company: God. Talk to Him about the position you seek. If you think you may have found a good potential, ask the Owner about him. He knows everything about the company, the position you seek, and He knows who is qualified to make you the best offer. This is one company where nepotism is not only allowed, it is promised. Use it to your advantage. :-)
 
Recommended Resources: 1) The Personality Profile (link is on the Deep Waters home page: http://www.deepwaters.info) will help you to get a clearer picture of who you are; and 2) "Finding The Love Of Your Life" by Neil Clark Warren (listed on our resource page for singles: http://www.deepwaters.info/resources-singles.htm) will help you to see the kinds of questions you should be asking when considering a relationship. You may also benefit from reading (if you haven't already) the post, Will God Ever Bless Me With A Husband? in this same category.

[GODSCHILD]

Gracegirl,

I am 23 years old, and I also have never been in a relationship.  We are to keep it real, right, well I know exactly where you are coming from.  I am a virgin and do desire to explore potential mates also, but I must wait on God to send me my mate.  I often look at it from this view,  I rather not put myself in the position of Unnecessary Roughness.  Basicly, not causing myself a great deal of unnecessary pain.  I have had a crush on someone that lead to the point of me falling in love with him (I didn't get the same in return nor was I in a relationship with him, I just set myself up for heart break and that's what I got) , but I know he wasn't for me.  It would have been a relationship where I was unequally yoked and that is not God's desire.  So, I am just saying hear God and know that it is God and not your desire overpowering God's desire.  I know this for a fact, it is possible to where you think it's God and instead it is you.  Just be prayerful.

I thought I would let you know that you are not alone in this situation.
This may be an old topic, but I can relate to it.