Special cautions for older singles

[1EagleSky]

This may sound like a silly comment, but here it goes.

I am in my mid 30s and have never had a date with a man. Guys have asked me out and expressed interest, but I refused to go out with them because they weren't Christians. My siblings always express frustration at me because I won't go out with these guys. They say, "You're scared and just making excuses. If you don't like them, at least you got to see a movie or had a nice dinner." That logic is stupid. I've met Christian guys that I liked, but none ever expressed interest in me.  I've always made sure I was in environments and involved in activities where I could have a good chance of meeting Christian men (church retreats, conferences, picnics, concerts, etc.). I always meet people and have conversations, but none have ever expressed interest in me. I also want to say that I went to these events not  for "man-hunting", although it was always nice to peep the handsome guys at the event!

A few years ago, God dealt with me. He told me to stop the man hunting and to trust Him to bring the right person into my life.  He told me that I could go out and find someone who was a good person, and we could have a nice life together, but it wouldn't be "the best" that He intended for me to have.

I suppose my fear is that having never been on a date, I might come off as seeming "simple".  Or I might be so nervous I'll turn him off.  Maybe I'm worrying too much. But really, are there any special cautions I need to keep in mind?

[Xanadu012]

I don't have any comments on "special cautions" however, I would like to applaud you on having a standard and sticking to it.  Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."
It's a difficult thing to trust the Lord with our hopes, dreams and desires especially for an extended period of time.  Just know that "He has done all things well..."  Mark 7:37.

[Novelist]

Based on your expressions, you appear to be nervous and possibly worry too much, however it happens to the best of us sometimes.  Your experience with men have not been explored enough for you to know what to expect or not expect.  I am 27 years old and I have a hard time with relationships because I had certain expectations that were not met, even from myself.  You have been guarding your heart, which is a good thing because many women will choose to allow their emotions to get overly involved.  Of course the times have changed, dating is not like it use to be, but there are a few individuals who know how to handle precautions with dignity and integrity and still have their sanity.  Relationships can drive you crazy, but it has transpired into possessiveness instead of progression.  Relationships do not last long and this is not to discourage you at all, but it is the truth.

The way humans think are miscontrued on what he or she can bring to the table and they are wondering is it enough or too little.  I believe that you are being obedient to God because you are not out there man-hunting or selling yourself short.  In essence, you have adhered to God's standards and that shows commitment to him.  Also, you are fearful of what to you may encounter and do not want to have any regrets.  Fear in some ways protect us from what we do not want to face and I say this because I am in the same predicament.  I do not want to deal with anything that appears to be risky and may hurt me again, so I understand your standpoint.  This is something that God will have to work out within you and bring you from that fear of going out with men.  I think you should go out sometimes and have fun.  Enjoy a play or concert with someone who is nice and after that, go your separate way.  At least you had a nice time.

[Breathedonme]

Sister,

I, too, can appreciate your question and concern; however, the BEST solution I can suggest is just to be yourself.  That sounds so simple, but it is true. 

Make conversation, enjoy one another and prayerfully he is saved, you will hopefully have some foundation when talking about your relationship with Christ (each of you).

Remember, be yourself and let things fall naturally/spiritually.

[David Dupree]

Hello 1EagleSky,

Who knew!    
I believe you are in a great place.  And I agree with Breathed...just be yourself.  I believe it will be refreshing for whomever you go out with when the time comes.

At the same time, I would suggest to you that the cautions for older singles are the same as for younger singles.  Be careful, don't go out with someone you don't know, Do not spontaneously date upon meeting for the first time, don't open your heart too fast, don't open your legs at all, don't be overly presumptuous, yet, don't reduce your expectations. 

Wow, so many don'ts how about some dos?
Do be yourself
Do go to a familiar place for a first outing...it helps you to relax and slightly disarms the guy's ego since he can't impress you with the restaurant. 
Do learn as much as you can via phone and email and other face to face without interrogating before you go out.
Do have a witness/accountability person on phone standby in case of emergency or other need.
Do dress modestly.
Do take your own money or credit card (just try not to use it) 
Hmmm probably got some more but got to get to working.

dd

[saved]

Hi 1EagleSky,

Unique name by the way.

Its been posted but I agree.....just be yourself. I second the "do's" Dupree has given.

You're in a good place. Just continue allowing God to lead you.