Singleness IS a gift!

[1EagleSky]

For many years, I looked upon singleness as being that stage before the married stage, and nothing more. However, God has been showing me that there are certain things He intends for those of us to do specifically while we are single, because we won't be able to do those things once we're married. He may want us to do some travelling evangelism is on a regular basis as a single; once you're married, the chances of doing that might not be as great. Also, if there are children in the marriage, you really won't be able to do that!

I have a prayer request to ask of all of you. Today on the way home from work, I lost my driver's license. It is my sole means of ID when I go to work each day as a substitute teacher. I don't know if I was pickpocketed on the bus or if it fell out of my pocket  as I was checking to see if it hadn't fallen out. I've looked around the areas where I believe it may have been lost, but haven't found anything. I'm unable to take time off to get a replacement, and do not have the money to get another one just yet. Please pray that someone finds it and mails it to me, or someone puts it in a U.S. Postal Service mailbox (they will deliver it to your address for free). There's so much identity theft going around these days. Pray that my license is found and returned to me safely.

[David Dupree]

Hi 1eaglesky

Yes, you are really on the right track.  I would encourage you to read through some of the older threads on this singles issues board that really dealt with this subject. 

Also, I would add to what you said: 
Throughout the Bible, single and whole are synonymous.  And there has not been any distinction made between a whole person.  What do I mean?  Let me explain it this way.  The opposite of married is not single, but the opposite of married is unmarried.  Single is a state of wholeness and married folks need to be whole even more than unmarried.  That is why there is so much talk in premarital counseling regarding being unequally yoked.  Therefore, singleness is for everyone.  The emphasis is put on unmarried singles however, because that is a time of moving into wholeness.  So many folks say they are single--I guess calling those things that are not as though they were--even though they are nowhere near it. 

If you are dealing with practicing sin in your life, then you aren't single.  If you still believe you have to have a booty call from time to time, even if it is once a month or every other month, then you are not single.  If you believe your worth is in a bottle or a snort, then you are not whole, you are not single.  If you listen to the enemy more than the Holy Spirit, you are not single.

I am not saying that perfection is required to be considered single.  But I am saying that it is a matter of the heart.  When your heart totally desires the Lord, then He will fill in those holes in your life and make you whole-single even though you may still be dealing with an issue or two from your past. 

If you are in Christ then you are a new creature or creation.  Old things are passed away and all things are becoming as new. 

Yes, singleness is a gift, just as salvation.  It is a package deal.  But many people do not accept the package.  They want Him as saviour, but not as Lord.  When He becomes Saviour and Lord then you experience wholeness-singleness.

dd

p.s.  I pray someone sends your license too.  In the meantime, I pray you get down to DMV and get a replacement for about 10bucks. hahaha

[Novelist]

Honestly, I do not feel like Singleness is a gift because you feel lonely sometimes.  You want to go out on dates or have someone to at least like you.  I will not say that it is not a gift because I know there are things you can do while you are single versus being married with a family.  My opinion is that singleness is difficult when you do not have the options for you to have a good time instead of sitting at home and doing nothing.  I just think there is a process that humans go through because men and women want to be social and that is apart of being single too; you go out and socialize, but when that is not happening for you, it makes it harder for you to accept singleness because it hurts to be lonely.  I am 27 years old, educated, creative, like to do indoor and outdoor activities, great with kids, and I know I have something to offer, but I guess I am invisible. 

On today, I had an outbreak.  I was upset because I had to spend Friday night at home with my Grandmother, not that it's a problem, but come on, I am still young!  Instead, I should have been hanging with friends or making new ones or something.  I made a comment to my Grandmother about my cousin having all the time to go out and date and she said, "Well, she is into guys", I said, "I am too" so what's the problem?  I felt like she was not a help at all, so I went in my room and cried because I was so sad.  For the past month, my best friend and I are no longer friends so I have to find a way to make new friends and maybe one day I will have another bestfriend who is meant for me.  I know some of this is not making sense but I am going somewhere, hold on.  Most of my life, I have been the lady who rarely had dates.  I was always at Church, School, Home, Taking care of business, writing poetry, instead of going out and making new contacts, I found myself in the same predicament.  I do not blame anyone for this, however, I feel lonely sometimes because I want to date and have fun, but I don't know what the problem is.  I am trying to work on myself, yet sometimes I do not feel beautiful or worth anything to anyone. 

It is a battle each day for me because I am not into the club scene, I just want to hang out for a change at a decent place and have some options at least.  I have jealousy issues because I am tired of being without someone while other ladies are getting dates and the attention.  Everyone wants attention right?  I am not asking for the wrong attention, just enough for me to feel special to someone and he wants to take me out.  My way of thinking has been clouded with fear of being single for the rest of my life.  I am burnt out, tired, and want to give up.  This issue happened with my former best friend too because she had a boyfriend and I did not and that seem unfair to me because I am a good woman too.  Where do I go from here? Is it worth losing my mind?  I am emotionally hurt and do not feel like my life is going anywhere.  What's next?

[1EagleSky]

Novelist,

It really does take time to get over the pain of a relationship not working out.  Don't be so hard on yourself.

I know you might not want to hear what I am going to say next, but it's true:

Men can pick up on how you feel about yourself, and will not be receptive to you if your self worth is tied up in having or not having a relationship with a man.

[David Dupree]

Honestly, I do not feel like Singleness is a gift because you feel lonely sometimes.  You want to go out on dates or have someone to at least like you.  I will not say that it is not a gift because I know there are things you can do while you are single versus being married with a family.  My opinion is that singleness is difficult when you do not have the options for you to have a good time instead of sitting at home and doing nothing.  I just think there is a process that humans go through because men and women want to be social and that is apart of being single too; you go out and socialize, but when that is not happening for you, it makes it harder for you to accept singleness because it hurts to be lonely.  I am 27 years old, educated, creative, like to do indoor and outdoor activities, great with kids, and I know I have something to offer, but I guess I am invisible. 

Hi Novelist, 
Yes, singleness is a gift.  But it seems that you do not want to accept it.  It is clear you are not single yet, because you are clearly not whole.  When you get to the place that you realize that you have been set apart for such a time as this, then you will be on your way.  Use the time!!  Redeem the time!! 

I was unmarried until the age of 40.  I wish I could say I was single for 40 years, but I can't. (I think I was around 25)  I could feel the wooing of God to draw nearer, but all I wanted to do was "hang out" and go nowhere.  But when I learned to not only adhere to the wooing of God, but also flip the script so that I was wooing Him, then I got into a place where being home alone was a great and wonderful thing!!  When I learned to "seek first the Kingdom," it was then and only then that other things began to be added unto me--including true spiritual male friends and dear friends of the opposite sex--not for screwing around, but for real godly friendships. 

One thing about taking a test--you will have to repeat it over and over until you pass it.  How long before you get it in your mind that you want to pass the test?  You have the power to determine your own destiny at this point.  You make the one step...He will make two.  But right now you have His hands tied with  your disobedience.  Draw nigh to Him and He will draw nigh unto you. 

Singleness is not difficult.  You are difficult.   And it doesn't have to be that way.  "...if thine eye be single, your whole body will be full of light."  In other words, if you see only God, only the Kingdom, only His righteousness and Holiness, then your whole life will radiate/reflect God which is your singleness.  Stop living in self and put God first.  Stop looking at what you don't have and be thankful for what you do have.  Give Glory to God, for it is of His mercies that we are not consumed and His compassions don't fail!!  Stop being consumed with your desires.  When you focus on Him you can walk like Peter did on the water.   But the way you are going, you won't even step out of the boat.  It is time to move to another dimension.  How long will you be stuck on the milk of the Word?  It is time to go to the meat.  You only get to the meat when you realize that in Him you live, in Him you move and in Him you have being. 

dd

[tippieangel]

AMEN AMEN AND AMEN!!!!!! WHEN YOU GET WITH GOD BABY YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE!!! THANK YOU JESUS. FALLING IN LOVE WITH JESUS IS THE BEST THING I EVER EVER DID!

AND  brother Dupree you spoke the truth the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth. THANKS for bringing it HOME

[Gracious]

Hey Novelist,

I pray that what everyone has shared with you has truly been an encouragement for you!!!

You see, our brutha' Dupree ... hit on something that if recieved, you'll "wisely" save yourself alot of "distracting" despair ... Amen? ... and what he said was:

...when I learned to not only adhere to the wooing of God, but also flip the script so that I was wooing Him, then I got into a place where being home alone was a great and wonderful thing!!  When I learned to "seek first the Kingdom," it was then and only then that other things began to be added unto me--including true spiritual male friends and dear friends of the opposite sex--not for screwing around, but for real godly friendships... 

And then when he sealed tha' deal by saying:

"... It is time to move to another dimension.  How long will you be stuck on the milk of the Word?  It is time to go to the meat.  You only get to the meat when you realize that in Him you live, in Him you move and in Him you have being..."

My precious one, perhaps the reason that your life has been going like it has, is because ... what our brother (dupree) had shared with reference to "you" partaking of the milk of GOD's most HOLY WORD for sooooooooo long, and not learning to RECEIVE and partake of HIS - GOD's - "the meat" - of HIS WORD (immaturity - refusal to accept and walk in your destiny- the MILK) is PERHAPS the reason that these depressive states that befall you, so thoroughly disarm you.

Meaning, you MUST mature - by EXERCISING - by USING your GOD given power (as dupree encourages). If TRUE HAPPINESS is what you seek, and it is ... PARTAKE of HIS meat!!! WALK boldly in your "JESUS-knowing" ... AND you DO know who GOD says that you are, because I've read & rejoiced with your responsive posts to others...AMEN?

GOD is speaking to you dear heart ... RIGHT HERE & NOW!!!

DO NOT allow the enemy of your soul to shut YOU down by thinking that our brothers words are too harsh.... on the contrary ... they are love!!! GOD's LOVE ... from on high ...

THIS is why you've come here and why we ALL come here - to share laughter, to love, to share our pain ... AND ... to hear what thus saith the LORD ... through HIS messangers - about our situations... AMEN?

RECEIVE precious friend - RECEIVE this one ... and NEVER again "willingly" go back to a lowly place, because, THAT "lowly" place of self-doubt & faithlessness is/was NEVER meant for you!!!

GIRRRRRLLL, you're in my heart ... and as always ... I pray your strength!!!


Gracious

[Novelist]

It is true.  I am difficult.  I did not receive the words as harshly directed toward me, but it was out of love and truth.  Most of my life, I have not established myself as the woman I am suppose to be.  Sadly, I relied on others to be my validation and assurance because I thrived from attention.  My thoughts on this topic was singleness being a stretched out process for me because I do not date hardly at all.  I am not sure if that is a good thing or not.  However, I have always felt like even if I do not have the official relationship, dating would be one of the ways I can get to know other people and gain some experience from that.  At the moment when I first wrote my response toward singleness, I was bitter and upset.  I do not condone my tone in this subject, I yielded to negative thoughts first.  David, you made it plain and stated the truth about my attitude and I appreciate that because I am very harsh on myself and the way I think about love and relationships is distorted, I cannot begin to explain the severity of my broken heart.  I want to be healed from the pains; I cannot do it alone.  God is the only one who can heal me, but I refused to give him the chance because I was still torn from what I did not have in the first place.

Love is a battlefield for me.  Loving myself can be done, although I would like someone to love me too.  I mean, men and women have feelings and want affection right?  I believe my emotions are unbalanced and out of control.  Emotionally, I am not mature.  The significance of writing all of this is to get it out there and be honest about it.  I am not sure when I am going to come out of this, but I still have a heart to keep going no matter how hurt I am.  I have no choice.  This is my battle and I have to go through it for as long as it takes.  Maybe the way I define love has been wrong all the time.  For I can see that none of my relationships worked out because I was dispositioned to begin with.  I am not sure where I am going with this, but I want to be transparent as possible because I know what it feels like to have low self esteem and have depression.  That's why I could not attract any man in the first place.  My face was full of darkness and despondency and who wants to be with someone like that?  That is tough, but it makes sense.  I appreciate the words of truth.  I can take it because I need some tough love to wake me up and tell me about my rebellion.

I am rebellious because I do not want to accept singleness forever.  It feels like forever.  The thought of singleness is a definition that relates to me and I am not comfortable with it because I am not doing anything by myself that is so intriguing so why not spend time with someone else?  This is what I think right now because singleness is not the worst thing in the world, yet it has its moments where I wonder why I am not out there dating.  Not for playing games, but having companionship; something that most men do not want.  Also, I get caught up in why I do not have a date and I know it is because of my melancholy attitude, but what about things that cause me to act or think this way?  I can be a good woman with a good heart, handling my business and what happens? I do not get one response from no one and that is hard on a person.  Imagine going through life without anyone in your life and getting older?  That is hard to deal with.  I can only say what I am facing because it is not easy.  Being a woman, you want to be pursued and when you are not, it messes with your ego a great deal.  I would compare myself because other women were getting dates and I was questioning myself like, what is wrong with me? I am not the worst looking woman in the world, but what's up?

I am not blaming men or anyone for my way of thinking.  My point is that it would be nice to hang out with someone every now and then instead of no one at all.  I feel like my life is secluded in some ways, especially when it comes to dating.  It is very scarce.  Well, that is all I can say for now, I can go on and on, but I will stop here.  Again, I am willing to take in advice that is good for me and encouraging because I need it.  Thank you everyone for your honesty and tough love in God.


Novelist.