When you just can't wait

[1EagleSky]

Hi all,

What should you do when the person you sense God told you was to be your husband tells you they only see you as a friend and are not romantically attracted to you at all (this is after you've shared with them that you have romantic feelings for them ONLY---not the stuff about you believing God said they were your husband)?

I ask because this was my experience recently, and yet God continues speaking to me about this person! Why? Maybe a week after I told him how I felt for him and he said he didn't feel the same, I discovered he had a profile listed on an online dating service.  The profile itself wasn't bad in any way, but in the section where you choose from a preselected choice of answers what things would "turn you on" in a potential date, he listed erotica and skinnydipping!! I was too shocked! He's always liked writing romantic poetry, and I wondered if he checked off 'erotica', thinking that romantic poems and such was what that was referring to, but I don't know!!!

I confronted him and asked him why, as a Christian, would he want to date someone like that who'd be into or willing to do those/watch those kinds of things. He seemed embarrassed and for nearly a month did not use the site. When he used it again, he changed one of the choices in the potential date section, but left the other choice there (erotica).

I felt like saying something else to him again, but the Holy Spirit keeps telling me, 'You can't be the Holy Spirit to him. Don't say anything to him about this. Let Me deal with him.' So I haven't said anything to him.

Some of my friends say (regarding me believing God revealed that he was my husband) I shouldn't have jumped the gun and shared with him how I felt. Others say that I shouldn't have "put a name on the man" but when God revealed to me about this guy, I not only wasn't thinking about or interested in him, but I also wasn't thinking about marriage or anything related to that when this revelation occurred. When I had this experience, I was praying and meditating on the Word of God and how to surrender myself to God in an even deeper way, wanting to love Him wholeheartedly and serve Him wholeheartedly, not letting anyone or anything stop me.

We live in different states, so I am not able to stop by and see him on a regular basis as was true when we were in college. Usually, I email him or on rare occasions, call.

I don't know what is going on with him. He has always been a very Godly and upright man...It almost seems to me like he has gotten impatient and desperate and has the potential to hook up with women who may not be good for him at all.

Yet, he doesn't see me as anything but a friend. I am disappointed in that, yet at the same time, I do care about him and hope he doesn't hook up with some fool. At the same time, I also wonder if God is going to bring us together at some later time.

Any advice/suggestions? I'll be honest: I do still care about him deeply, but how can I give him and my feelings for him up to the Lord once and for all, since he obviously doesn't have any interest in me beyond friendship and to hope for something more when he says he only sees me as a friend is futile??

[David Dupree]

Hi 1EagleSky,

Let's start from the bottom up.

1) You give him and your feelings for him to the Lord by practicing it daily.  Say it until you feel it manifested.  Take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there.  And you do need to do that.  The vision is yet for an appointed time. Though it tarry, you wait.  You may not know what the future holds, but as long as you know Who holds the future. 

2) You have entirely too much speculating going on.  You are right that you don't know what is going on with him.  When you speculate so much as you are, you get into premeditated worry--worry about situations that aren't invented yet. 

I know of a couple situations where a guy and girl were good friends only for years and then somewhere in the midst of their solid friendship, God spoke to the male in one situation; to the both of them(separately) in the other and things easily, but cautiously, shifted.

3) I agree that you should not have jumped the gun.  Often the Holy Spirit will reveal things to see how you will handle them in order to determine whether more (and deeper) things can be revealed.  Next time you are revealed something, don't be afraid to ask what you should do with that information.

4) I am concerned about the fact that you said "I email him or on rare occasions, call." What does he do to "maintain" this friendship?  I am not saying that things have to be even steven, but what is he doing to hold his side of the friendship?

5) Finally (I hope) I am distressed by his dating service profile.  Is it that you have idealized him and didn't know this "side" of him or he has changed? Maybe you only saw the spiritual side.  I am distressed by you "watching" (but really stalking) the site to see when he gets back on the site.  Then too, why would you be looking at a dating service if God told you that he is yours?  Shouldn't you just be somewhere waiting? (sorry about the cynicism)  If you are going to start anything with anyone, start it out with trust.  Sure do your homework, especially if you don't have references,  but don't go over the top with a case of distrust when the person isn't even belonging to you.

dd

[Forum Administrator]

Hello 1EagleSky. Welcome to Deep Waters! When discerning the will and voice of God it is important to verify what is being said through the lens of the Word of God. It is important that you understand and/or know something about the character and nature of God, and that is known primarily through His Word. God is holy. He is also all-knowing. God knows all about your friend's erotica/skinny dipping attraction. "Can two walk together except they be agreed? What partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and Belial [the devil]? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? What agreement can there be between a temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God..." (Amos 3:3; 2 Corinthians 6:14-16) Your revelation is not lining up with the Word of God.

My recommendation would be to go back to:

I was praying and meditating on the Word of God and how to surrender myself to God in an even deeper way, wanting to love Him wholeheartedly and serve Him wholeheartedly, not letting anyone or anything stop me.

When you are seeking God, He does not point you to or show you someone else other than Himself.

From what you have indicated of the association between you and your friend, this does not sound like a reciprocal "friendship" at all. It's nice that you are concerned that he does not "hook up with some fool," but I am more concerned that you don't either.  Take your eyes off this man, and put them back on God. Stick with the Word.  As you have said, don't let anyone or anything stop you.

This is lengthy, but worth adding in here:
"Therefore be imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children imitate their father. And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God for you so that it became a sweet fragrance. But immorality (sexual vice) and all impurity of lustful, rich, wasteful living or greediness must not even be named among you, as is fitting and proper among saints (God's consecrated people). Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency), nor foolish and sinful (sinful and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness to God. For be sure of this: that no person practicing sexual vice or impurity in thought or in life, or one who is covetous [who has lustful desire for the property of others and is greedy for gain] -- for he [in effect] is an idolater -- has any inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one delude and deceive you with empty excuses and groundless arguments for these sins, for through these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of rebellion and disobedience. So do not associate or be sharers with them. For once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of the Light. For the fruit (the effect, the product) of the Light or the Spirit consists in every form of kindly goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life. And try to learn in your experience what is pleasing to the Lord [let your lives be constant proofs of what is most acceptable to Him]. Take no part in and have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness, but instead let your lives be so in contrast as to expose and reprove and convict them. For it is a shame even to speak of or mention the things that such people practice in secret. But when anything is exposed and reproved by the light, it is made visible and clear; and where everything is visible and clear there is light. Therefore He says, Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall shine (make day dawn) upon you and give you light. Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise sensible, intelligent people." - Ephesians 5:1-15 (AMPLIFIED)

[morefaith]

Dear Heart,

Listen to what David Dupree wrote you (Bless you DD)

You will get no judgement here! I can relate to you more than you know. I just recently learned and am working hard to try and remember. GOD can do anything! You don't have to do, say a thing. LET GOD do his work. Easy to say , believe me I KNOW, but let HIM bring your husband to you. He told you he wasn't interested that way. Believe him. If he is meant for you, it will be revealed, but only in GOD's time. Let this guy go and if he is your husband, GOD will turn him around. Please, Dear Heart, take control of yourself FOCUS ON GO HARD and leave this one alone. Remember only GOD gives us that true joy, I'm telling you what I know. Friend, Beau, Spouse, job, money, sex, fame, yada, yada. They don't touch the true joy GOD gives. I'm praying for you my Sister in Christ!

[1EagleSky]

I thank everyone who responded to my message. Thank you!! Continue in prayer for me. I am new to the Deep Waters Forum, and I think it is GREAT! As soon as I'm able, I also plan on purchasing Aleathea's book, 'Though the Vision Tarry.'

Many books written for Christians about singleness focus on superficial level things (dress, hygiene, what to do on a date, rules on physical intimacy). Yes, these are important, no doubt, but these books stop short of going into the deeper issue singles face and how these issues affect their spirituality and could explain why they may have difficulty getting dates/getting married.

Lately, it has crossed my mind that perhaps God is trying to do a work in the life of my friend, and I need to step back in order that He can fully do what needs to be done and not inadvertently act as a hindrance.

I also would like to share with everyone a ministry that has helped me tremendously called Singles Pleasing The Lord. The website is:

http://www.singlespleasingthelord.com

Before I go, I ask that everyone pray for me regarding a job. I'm experiencing a long period of unemployment and desire to work, so that I can pay off some debts and return to school. I feel so behind everyone else and know that I'm not in the place where I should be, fulfilling God's purpose for my life. It is hard. I am not proud---I have a Bachelor's degree from university and need money so badly I will work anywhere, but most employers, when they see the degree listed on the application, do not hire because they think you won't stay. I am not a recent graduate. I graduated years ago, but never was able to find a job that gave me the chance to do what I believe is God's will for me or offered career advancement.

I know this is not the area for career issues, but I am very down in the dumps over this and feel I'm not really experiencing life to the fullest not just without a job, but not being able to do what I know God has led me to do career wise.

[Forum Administrator]

Hi 1EagleSky. I am certain that all will be well with you. Thank you for sharing the link. Good resources are much appreciated and welcomed. We will be praying for you. Speaking of prayer, allow me to share something that the Holy Spirit taught me: when you pray, pray the answer, not the problem.

God has made us all kinds of promises in scripture and He wants us to believe what He has said. He also wants us to lay claim to the benefits that He has provided. This is how praying the answer works.

Find scripture(s) that is/are directly about or related/relevant to the issue you are facing (i.e. finding a job). Then when you pray, do not pray about the problem. Instead, take the scriptures that you have and pray those back to God and give Him thanks for what He has promised in relation to those scriptures.

For example, instead of praying and saying, "Lord, I need..." you would say, "God, according to your Word, I give you thanks for liberally supplying and filling to the full my every need according to your riches in glory in Christ Jesus! You are my Shepherd to feed, guide and shield me. I shall not lack! No good thing will be withheld from me!" (Philippians 4:19; Psalm 23:1; 84:11) Instead of saying, "Employers will not hire me..." say, "God, You are able to make every favor and earthly blessing come to me in abundance, so that I may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient--possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation. I thank you that you are for me and that You are working in my favor!" (2 Corinthians 9:8 (AMPLIFIED); Romans 8:28, 31) Instead of saying, "I am very down in the dumps over this and feel..." say, "I refuse to be dominated by what I see or feel, because I am in the Spirit, and I'm walking by faith and not by sight or appearances! I am not relying on my own understanding of this situation. I acknowledge you in this and every situation and I know you will direct and make straight and plain my paths and cause whatever I do in life to prosper!" (Romans 8:9; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Proverbs 3:5,6; Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:3)

These are just examples of scriptures you might use (and the references are so you can read them for yourself). You'll find that as you continue praying in this manner, not only will you get results, but your spirit will be invigorated and refreshed. Your prayers will be transformed into declarations of faith and you will see that as you speak (and continue speaking) God's Word back to Him, it will not return to Him without producing the desired effect/results (Isaiah 55:11). God honors and magnify His Word even above His name (Psalm 138:2).

"Whatever things you desire, when you pray, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will get it! We'll be watching for the good report! 

[1EagleSky]

An update.....

Continue to pray for me. I have a job interview on Wednesday afternoon.

I am still working on not contacting the friend mentioned and leaving matters in God's hands.

Thank you all so very much for your love and prayers!