Finding Balance

[grace]

I have a coworker who is also a fellow believer. We've always been cordial to one another and although we work for the same office, we don't work in the same office (or same room I should say) but I'd see her every now and again and say hello and what have you. Once I realized was a believer I'd share info regarding different ministries that I knew was going on but that would be about it. Some time last year she'd began emailing me inviting me to go to lunch with her which I thought was such a nice gesture but after some time she'd began to constantly ask me to go to lunch with her or walk with her this place or that place etc. and I couldn't really put my hand on why it bothered me, but it just wasn't as inviting as say someone I knew the Lord was cultivating a relationship between the two of us. In other words although we should embrace each other as believers we won't have a tight friendship, with every believer we come across, the relationships will vary.

I was on a fast one week seeking the Lord for a few things going on in my life at that time and during times of fasting, I'm extremely careful of what I deposit into my spirit (always but especially during fasts) even when it comes from other believers. Like if I listen to sermons everyday at work based on a pastor I like, during a time of seeking the Lord I won't even go to my favorites that I know are of God, I wait until he leads me to what he wants me to hear. At any rate during this time, my coworker sent an email about listening to this sermon and do I know what I am in Christ and kinda like a preface of ministry and I was like whoa she knows I'm a Christian and I take major issue with being "preached at" so it didn't minister to me on top of the fact that it wasn't where I was at that time.

So I explained I was in a time of seeking the Lord and I need to hear only his voice, and I know in hearing his voice he'll use folk but based on my need this wasn't a messenger the Lord sent. Shortly after that she'd begin sending me these daily emails that are based around motivational messages and again taken aback a bit because she didn't ask if I wanted to be on this list, just began sending them and much of what she mentioned in them was in relation to my ministry in terms of topic....and I'm not one that you can't minister to or think I've arrived based on my calling, but because of my calling I don't have the need to be poured into regarding those particular things as someone who God is calling me to minister to....and mainly because whatever he's called me to minister he done took me through. Like I don't expect that my boss needs constant reminders from a boss on the same level as her as she does from the boss above her as well as if she's a good boss receiving feed back to those under her so she knows how to properly serve them. The boss on the same level would be a huge blessing to her life based on being able to relate but if the coworker thought she had more to offer than it would become more of a agitate than a blessing. Most recently she began sending me daily prayers on top of the other emails she send out daily to encourage me as my mom goes through a battle with cancer. According to the doctors she has a matter of months maybe less.....but according to the Lord it ain't ova until he says so and based on how he's been keeping me that's what I'm walking in. I'm not worried or depressed I have total peace so the things she's praying for isn't ministering. And it's like I'm at work and every day you're sending me a reminder of my mom's sickness. As I said I'm not depressed but life just needs to keep moving as I'm believing and as I'm seeking him.  As a believer this could have still been hard on me, so to have someone there to lift me up would be something I'd welcome with open arms. But because I have God's peace the support I need is different from if I did not have his peace. And I'd try to stress this to her the nicest way I could regarding the emails she'd send or inviting me out etc., but it wasn't penetrating and I'd planned on letting her know I didn't want to receive the other emails anyway so I went ahead and let her know about both incidents and it didn't sit too well with her. I still have to respond to the last email she sent me but now I'm like how do I find a balance, where when people are only trying to support I'm honest about what I have in Christ but they still understand that the support is appreciated. I told her I'm more blessed in knowing someone took time out for me that much than the actual thing that was done and I can see how that can strike a cord. But I think it's a greater disservice to have someone thinking they are being a blessing when they are not, the balance of being a blessing in that can often be an issue. Any feedback is much appreciated!!!

[bishopbiscuits]

Hmmmm.....

  Proverbs 27:17    As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.NIV

.......Just say what you need to say in love. Not just anything that comes to mind, though. Through instruction, correction, and encouragement we can teach others how to sow into our lives in a way that is welcome.
.........Maybe they were happy to have a new Christian friend to share some things with, and became a little too "helpful."
...........If you don't want anything at all sent by e-mail, you can express that.  If you would only like to receive a "prayerfully considered message, once in a while " from her, express that. But If you don't believe that they would exercise discretion in what or how much they send, then define for yourself the necessary boundaries to establish, and prayerfully share them.
..........The idea being not to sugarcoat anything, but neither to be careless in your communication. 
.........Though it may be awkward, setting the stage for peace and good fellowship is better than  pretending to embrace everything someone does. Pretending till you get fed up is the setup for an emotional backlash, that won't be pretty or resolve the true issues.
........If a cycle gets in place where you cringe or are instantly burdened by just the sight or mention of their name, have a talk with Jesus. Let Him teach you how/to what degree to operate in fellowship with them.
.........Hopefully, they will understand and /or respect your wishes. 

[grace]

Thanks so much Bishop for your response and input. Let me be sure I'm clear on a few points however. The only thing I didn't say outright to her was the daily motivational emails. Because I'd already stressed where I stood regarding lunch and the first email she sent me so I felt if I said anything at that time, my tone would say didn't I already tell you so forth and so on.  Yet it made me wonder if I said it too nicely or was I not clear enough. And I now can say I was, she just didn't listen to what I was telling her.

And I'm glad you mentioned that last point about a mention of her name because praise God I'm not at that place and I've been there with another believer!!! Where they truly did me dirty over and over and daddy was just like love them love them love them But I do like this coworker I enjoyed going to lunch with her, it just always seemed like something was missing. I think it was a combination of things that caused me to look at it like hmmmm why does she keep coming at me. And I believe the underline issue I have as I think on it, because of her calling she can only see via what the Lord has called her to do......if he has indeed called her to do it.  She's not recognizing that he hasn't called just her if it is his calling and that not everyone is her ministry. I'm with you on Proverbs 27:17 and it was a thing where I can tell her something and she wouldn't receive it but always came at me with things and I'd realized she made me her ministry and her response to me kinda confirmed it for me. So that's where the agitation was coming from and the defense on my end, but I'm at a place now where I don't want it to be akward yet I also want to know is this a petty issue among two believers is she truly a believer is this an issue of pride etc but I'll continue to keep it in prayer as you said, especially since I don't have to worry about getting the emails now.

But I believe I know how to proceed in the meantime, and I thank you again for sharing the wisdom, definately will take heed.

[Breathedonme]

Hi Faith,  I'd like to offer another perspective, possibly

I've encountered some similar to what you've described Faith, and I've learned to ask God, "Why is this person coming into my life?" and to wait for His answer.

It is almost ALWAYS something that there is for me to deposit into that person's life or something for them to deposit in my life. 

Unless this person is demonic and sent to harm you -- maybe what you receive in an an email isn't just for you, but something that can be gleaned for others.  I get this wonderful daily Christian email.  It is short and with a prayer.  I forward it out to many.  When I don't, I get emails about -- where are they?

Lastly, back to why is this person in my life -- I had a difficult time with one employee.  I couldn't understand that why with all of the other Christians in the world that she would have to come to me.  I'd feel guilty about that because honestly, I didn't like her.

Well, long story short -- God showed me to see her through the eyes of Christ and to pray for the ministry within her to come to fruition.

Well, it wasn't easy and it took some time, but she is an awesome woman of God, mother and college student.  She is also a minister-in-training!  LOOK AT GOD!!!

I am not suggesting in the least bit to allow yourself to be abused, but if you haven't done so already -- ask God why is this woman coming to you.  It might not be about you at all, but in some way you pouring into her life.

Just a thought!   

[bishopbiscuits]

Breathedonme...

....A refreshing reminder to still be sensitive to God's perspective. And the awesome potential that is within us all, to be released by Him     I plan to dust off my perspective in dealing with some people. To again look forward to what God can do in all those placed in or who pass through my life

[grace]

Thought I'd give an update on this situation and thanks Breathedonme I never got back to this post to reply to your comment and recent events brought this subject back to mind so figured I'd do an update on where this is today.

To answer what you mentioned briefly I was praying about her at that time however as I mentioned my mom (now deceased) was dealing with cancer and my siblings and I were caring for her around the clock as she was in hospice care, so during this season it was work home work home. And the primary issue was rather this individual was a distraction as I was dealing with major warfare and needed everything that wasn't a part of the program so to speak to move....she was a distraction indeed, and I now conclude that it wasn't her intention to be. And regarding the emails and possibly being for others not myself, I agree with that notion and do often act in the manner you spoke. The issue was much of what she'd written wasn't bibically sound and I believe my issue was I have the burden now to tell her this along with my mother who is dying (but I'm still believing for her to be healed) my ex best friend who the Lord had me end a friendship with a few years prior suddenly showing up in my life, and all the attacks that's coming my way outside of what's mentioned  so when I posted this, it was about dismissing a lot of these distractions and realizing which ones were which ones were not.

And my overall problem at the time of posting this thread was, if I see someone doing something wrong in the body it would bother me to the point of anger because it showed they didn't seek the Lord before saying what they did or doing what they did, whatever the case may be. And not just when it comes to participating in sins, but in being do gooders because in our relationships with the Lord it's just that a relationship so he has very specific things he speak to us over say someone presenting random scripture that doesn't apply to a persons life or walk, so my anger would get in the way of seeing the situation clearly. Because my discernment would often times be on point but my anger would have me question because I knew that part of it was out of order. And I got my peace in the oddest of times, when my mom died and I knew there would be certain attacks and who they'd come from....this coworker was one of several people as I mentioned a few above.

But I'd made up my mind that nothing or no one would bother me during that season of mourning and regardless of what came my way I was able to love them and not be moved and for that I rejoice.

But I wanted to answer that last reply and I'll do another reply  to update on the coworker as it would be really really long if I didn't

[grace]

Alrighty now the update, and I'll actually keep it breif by not getting into every little detail:). I ended up not replying to her last email reply to me. Not on purpose or to be rude the words just would never come in a way that I felt she would not take offense. And her email was spoken in a way that it shouldn't have come off like I left her hanging but that I said all I had to say in the first one.

At any rate it was a bit akward for a little while, but we'd be cordial to one another and I think we both went at it with a mentality that we won't hold any grudges and just move on.

Recently I'd been having more and more conversations with her, and we pretty much moved forward. She'd emailed me about lunch one day and i thought uh oh here we go again But I basically told myself rather than get frustrated let her know right out how you feel even if it is that she's not being considerate of you but thinks she is. As long as it's done in love if she gets angry it'll be then on her and not yourself. And I guess someone would think how can inviting someone to lunch be inconsiderate. But it was in the thing of inviting me so that you can have someone to walk with or so that you can talk about the job or that you can do this that or the other thing. But when I give suggestion or input it not being as received as the other person things their suggestion should be received if that makes sense. So I feel the way to deal with it with this particular person would be to kind of set up boundaries over saying what she's doing wrong. And even using it as a lesson of how I should treat someone else based on how I'd expect to be treated.

And now that I'm a lot more clear minded and hearted at that I can better discern everything and react accordingly. So all is well and God tis good.