clubs/parties-single and saved...can it be done?

[stilllearning]

I have been saved, celibate, and growing by leaps and bounds spiritually for about 1 1/2 years now...I live in a small town, and there is absolutely nothing to do.   The singles ministry is more like the "single-for-life ministry" headed up by women who are wayyyyyy older than I, and the young women in church are depressed, bitter, and always talking about "why aren't they married?" It's no wonder, I have no desire to hang with these people. It's a small church, so I can say this without exaggerating. I have always loved to dance, get out and meet people...I no longer drink heavily, and can honestly go to a dance club, get my groove on, and go home without drinking or trying to hook up with anyone. Is this wrong? Should I be convicted? I grew up in a church where everything was wrong...makeup, movies, pants, etc., and often times feel that church people like to pin point certain "sins" and not others, i.e. gossiping, lying, not being submissive to your spouse...so it is hard to define that in my life concerning these little things.

[Forum Administrator]

Hello stilllearning. First of all, I thank God for your spiritual growth over the last 1 1/2 years. The fact that you are asking these questions is an indication of continued growth. I also grew up in a church where a lot of things--makeup, jewelry, movies, pants, dating--were considered wrong/sinful. As I grew spiritually, searched the scriptures and was taught the scriptures, I came (and I am still coming) to a greater understanding of how I must live as a Christian.

The questions that you have asked are questions of conscience. At the end of this post, I will include a complete passage of scripture that is the basis of my response. Let me begin by saying, as Christians, we do not live for our own sakes only. We are representatives of Christ. Our lives become, as it were, letters which people read, and after reading, they come to a conclusion--good or bad--about the Christ we represent. We are read based upon what we do or don't do; what we say or don't say.

There are two groups of people who are reading your letter: those who are Christians and those who are not. That holds us accountable on at least two fronts. For those who are not Christians, we need to make sure that the way we live our lives does not hinder them from taking the Christ we represent seriously. For those who are Christians, we need to make sure that the way we live our lives does not become something that causes another brother or sister (who may not be as strong spiritually as we may be) to trip and fall in their spiritual lives.

Here's a brief scenario to consider: you may be able to go to the club and not do anything that offends your conscience. A younger (in faith or maturity) brother or sister decides to follow your example. He or she, however, does not have the strength of faith or level of maturity that you have and so may find themselves in a situation that they don't quite know how to handle. Something to think about...

Granted, with all of our efforts to write well on the letter of our lives, some people will read in things that are not there. But we are still responsible and held accountable for what we "write."
 
To answer your question, Is this wrong? ask yourself what letter you are giving others to read (Christians and non-Christians) when you go to the club, while you're at the club, and when you leave the club. Is your representation of Christ helped or hindered? Does it strengthen your testimony of Christ or diminish it? Does it give an accurate representation of who He is (and who you are) or a distorted one? When you ponder these questions, you will know the answer to your other question, Should I be convicted?  

Two other things you have mentioned might be areas in which God might want to use you to make a difference: one is your singles' ministry; the other is your love of dance. Did you know that irritation is one of the ways God can let you know He wants to use you in a particular area or ministry? Have you ever thought about how you might help to make the singles' ministry more exciting? What ideas do you have? When God saved you, He knew you loved to dance. How can that love of dance now be used to praise Him? Think about it...

Continue to grow, and in your growing, live in such a way that you don't hinder the growth of anyone else. As for the young women who are depressed, bitter and always talking about why they aren't married, tell them about Deep Waters.
Passages for your reference (read them with yourself, not others, in mind):
1 Corinthians 10:23   All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify.

Romans 14
1   Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.
2   One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3   The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him.
4   Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
5   One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind.
6   He who observes the day, observes it for the Lord, and he who eats, does so for the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who eats not, for the Lord he does not eat, and gives thanks to God.
7   For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself;
8   for if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.
9   For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.
10   But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.
11   For it is written,
          "AS I LIVE, SAYS THE LORD, EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW TO ME,
          AND EVERY TONGUE SHALL GIVE PRAISE TO GOD."
12   So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.
13   Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this--not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way.
14   I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean.
15   For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food him for whom Christ died.
16   Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil;
17   for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
18   For he who in this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.
19   So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.
20   Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense.
21   It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles.
22   The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.
23   But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.

[KJSiv]

i love romans 14!

i think it fits here. is there a biblical mandate for dancing, going to clubs, or parties? no. this is where God allows us to choose... through the Spirit's leading of course! i still find it amazing that God gives us the freedom and liberty to choose!!

i think we should also look at where the potential problems are... and it is not the party! the problem is us!
in the book of James it speaks of us being dragged away and enticed, THEN after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin. practically speaking, it seems that you have said you have no problems at clubs dancing or just hangin' out. neither do i... anymore that is   there are some things that just do not tempt me! i have never had a desire to smoke weed. so songs rapping about it are of no temptation. BUT, that does not give me the right to say that it is okay for ALL believers! nor can i say areas that i do find to be a struggle, are wrong for everyone. the same for dancing and other disputable matters "Rom 14:1"  
         our desires are the issue here. for those who maybe should not go the club, dont they carry those same desires to the mall, grocery store, or the swimming pool? some may say there is "more" temptation at a club, but the truth is temptation is temptation when our sinful desires are summoned!!

i hope you experience God's freedom!!!
                                          peace


it takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow
        

[grace]

As you grow in the lord if your desire is to please him over your own desires.... then he will marry your love of dance with his will in your heart not as a required law. He will give you such a distaste for anything that goes against who he is that it will not feel like something you have to give up, but that which you give up freely and willingly. It's not so much of what you can and cannot do as it is about having a will to please him so much that you'll do so at any cost, when you look at it that way the focus goes more on what he gives to you, not what's taken away from you.

I'd been saved for some time when I stop going to clubs and listening to secular, but when I began to grow in the lord and have that personal relationship going and could hear his voice clearly I knew when I needed to give up the clubs.... at the time I was a moderator for a secular music site, and I went to a club where this group was playing and only went to hear that group, but the club was way too familiar to my BC days and I couldn't stand being there. The next day in church my pastor did a sermon on going to the club on sat then goin to church on sunday needless to say I got my conviction that day

And even before that, a lot of the artist I liked didn't match the life I was living so they got tossed out for that very reason, not even Jill Scott who just a short year earlier you couldn't get me to put her cd down, but after finding my lip poked out because I didn't.... and still don't have a Lizel I realized I can't listen to this anymore because it's not feeding my spirit and being a hinderance to what is.....even a lot of the positive music and that also is not limited to some of the gospel music out there because everybody singing bout christ ain't his, and even that can began to sound like a bunch of noise.

But also to add when I gave up the music, God replaced it I mean I was a die hard Hip Hop head and I gave it up, the lord replaced it with Holy Hip Hop and even with that he gave me the hunger for him so sometimes I need that praise and worship and only praise and worship so even that gets put to the side sometimes.

And that goes up for debate whether it's ok to listen to secluar music at all when you're saved, I'm not overly sensitive to that in terms of pitting the one up against the other but  when we listen to the content of music as believers we need to think to ourselves can I chill with God based on what his word says about him, can we chill together and listen to this or would I be embarassed to be in his presence with what i'm putting in my ears, or better yet forget about how I feel could I present this music to God and have him be pleased with it. ANd if we can't then I think beyond not listening to it, we need to pray for the lord to give us His desires, because that is how we can put it down and pick up what he would have us to listen to or do what he would have us to do.

But pray with the desire to do his will and you may be surprised at what he speaks to you. And I have had times where I've had an urge to hear some of my favorites who "ain't that bad" But I can only listen to it for a minute before it's tossed to the side.... so just allow the lord to grow you up in that area don't look at what you have to release now that you are a christain. I can talk for days so let me cut myself off here