When Someone is Agitating You

[Novelist]

Recently, my bestfriend and I had a time of fellowship.  We went to the movies, had a bite to eat and headed back to my house.  After hours of having a good time, it seem as if she pushed the wrong button and I told her how much she agitated me.  It may have been a silly reason to her, but to me, it made sense and I had my own view about it.  Basically, she has a list of things that agitate me and I am not speaking as if I do not get on her nerves.  Of course, we have our moments.  However, it triggered when she wanted to use my phone to call her boyfriend.  In my house there are two phones, so my grandmother was using mine and had her phone on the charger.  She wanted to call her boyfriend at the moment and I suggested she use the other phone.  Not to say that she does not have a choice, but what made it so silly was that she said that he will not pick up the phone if it was an unrecognized number.  I thought to myself, "that is silly because everyone does not call from the same number all the time, so why would anyone have that attitude about caller id.  Sometimes the numbers are not available, blocked, or unknown caller.  It does not mean, do not pick up. 

I understand that everyone does not think like me and I do not expect it, but I was looking beyond that because if there was an emergency, then he would not pick up or she would not pick up.  I think of emergency reasons because I may not call from my house, maybe I am at work, at school, or at another friend's house and their number shows up "Unknown".  She has a way of doing things and it perpetuates.  Moreover, I called and apologized for speaking to her that way, but she was still mad, which I have no control.  In our friendship in the recent years, I never exploded like that all the time, but my bomb was ticking and the prior times that she did things, I did not tell her, so it proves that it pays to communicate and be honest.  In human behavior, we have a way of getting beneath the skin and it causes irritation on a greater scale.  I am not insinuating blood boiling in this case, but I begin to reflect on other occasion when she was doing something and it made it vividly annoying.  There is no doubt that she is a good friend, she is.  In my eyes, I see mental and emotional issues because of the way she does things. 

I am applying honesty more in all of my relationships, but I am learning how to control my responses as well.  Everyone who knows the genuine individual that I am, I do not like confusion or do not speak out of turn to someone.  Normally, I am peaceful and sometimes passive, but I have an opinion and when people hear it from me, it is overwhelming to them because I am getting to the point where I can no longer spare feelings.  I know that I was wrong for speaking to her that way, yet she has to understand that she does things that she may not realize is getting on my bad side, even if I explained, she may not get the point, but at least I apologized and moved on from it.  I can be honest with myself and admit that I have gotten upset over petty things too and that's when maturity comes in and I no longer have to think or do childish things.  In our friendship, we ignored each other for days, weeks, even months, and this time, I had to show that I can be stronger, by humbling myself to apologize and not to illustrate those same behaviors, but move on and have a good day.

[pressingon]

I think its good that you were able to humble yourself and aim to make things right with your friend.  I'm facing this in my friendships as well.  I label myself the Peacemaker...I don't like to be in the midst of arguments or confusion.  Lately I've just had to accept the fact that we're all different and sometimes we just have to agree to disagree on somethings.  And understand that somethings are more important to others than ourselves.  Whether or not we want to deal with it I suppose determines how important that friendship/relationship is to us.  I do think though that its important to be honest.  Let our friends know how we feel.  They may not accept advice/critism then ( I don't always want to hear advice when offered).  But you may sow a seed that will eventually enrich the life of that friend.

[Novelist]

Thank you for your response.  I humbled myself for the fact that we are going to agitate each other sometimes, but it was a wrestle for me because there are some things that I see in her that needs to be eliminated badly.  I am not declaring perfection in my own life, however, sometimes other people have patterns of behavior on themselves and it could be extremely difficult to deal with.  We are speaking again, so I glad that I was the humbled one to go to her because any other time, I would have allowed the time to go by without saying a word.  Besides, our friendship is worth more than petty things, it is the good times and memorable moments that will keep us mindful of how blessed we are to have an honest friendship. 


Novelist.

[da2bjeez]

Wow! Interesting Post.


I know we all have encountered a few agitated people. At least I have. After encountering a incident at church I was easily agitated when I saw the young lady at my church who accused me of having an interest in her husband. She said horriable hurtful things to me. We had countless of meetings with the pastors wife to resolve the problem. It slowed down for a while, but evantually things heated up when her husband called me to ask how my sister was doing. Little did I know, I wasn't the first person in the church to have a problem with her.


Her husband is a youth leader and was in charged of the dance minstry,so it was his job to get the minsitry going , and since I'm proficent in mime I was called upon to assist with songs. She blow the situation out of paportion. To make the story short  I hadn't done anything wrong, she was dealing with past issues and hadn't been healed. She even recently fused someone else out. I blamed myself for her marital problems and concealed a lot of my emotions. It got to the point were I was so angry that I wanted to fight her, but God just kept holding me. I couldn't get mad, or yell at her altough she made me look so bad. I had ask God to help me not get so easily agitated when I show her, and it has help. Would I say I still need help, yes because I get angry from time to time. I'm glad you expressed your feelings to her, because I really didn't express mines to her and sometime it still hurts.

[h]

Da:

Not all anger is bad!  I don't think most people would not blame you for being angered by a person that says ugly things, and accuses you of things you never did.  Its when you hold on to the anger, and let it eat you up is when things tend to go downhill.

Normally, when people lash out like you are talking about they have major issues within themselves.  Its not fair or right that she take that out on you or anyone else for that matter!

I try very hard to walk away when people start getting on my nerves!    I almost look at it like the ship is sinking, and I will not go down with it!  I find a way of resolving my anger towards that person, and then try to approach them in the future as I should.  LOL not always easy!

[da2bjeez]

 



Thank You H for your wisdom. I am from time to time still upset and a little
angred from the situation. I've learn to try to let God take control of my feelings, but sometimes its hard.


Thanks and God Bless.

[Breathedonme]

I find there are times when certain things agitate me more than at other times.  As a result, I try to chill so I can figure it out -- is it really me or that person?

As I have gotten older, I've learned to choose my battles.  Look you feel the way you do -- so be it.  Does what you feel have any bearings on my general welfare, well-being or home and children?  If not - God bless ya!

As for this sister who has a problem when people connect with her spouse -- HOUSTON, THERE IS A PROBLEM!!!  Okay???

That is very painful . . . much sickness in the house of God. 

I have a great friendship with a sister where we just let each other know the truth (if asked).  We give it gently, but because we re-enforce and support one another more than get on each other's case, the critiques are better received.

When I go to her home (which isn't often - not my thing), I respect her home, yet I am comfortable.  When she comes to my crib, my home is her home -- but she respects me.

I've also had a friend who was in her "transitioning" period.  She was very "needy" and seemed to think people owed her something.  Well, I knew how to be close and how to withdraw.  She finally "got it" and now she has matured and is an awesome woman of God.  She gets it that with children, ministry, school, etc., we don't need to be under one another 24/7 -- that my job isn't to fill her times of loneliness and that (as I have said on this forum a few times -- LOL) SHE HAS TO DO HER WHILE I DO ME (LOL).  Does that sound cold???

I have some of the best relationships because I choose my battles and choose my friends.  I feel like this -- although there are sacrifices we make for our friends ON OCCASION, anytime a friendship becomes draining, it isn't a friendship anymore, it is a burden.  Time to release it (LOL).

Also, I've also had women that I minister to that EVERY LITTLE THING bothers them.  They complain about this and that and the other.  Someone like that is bound to be agitated by the least little thing (not suggesting that about anyone here).  I also stay away from that type of person.  If you are going to complain about so many others, you FO SHO will complain about me.

Speaking on the phone issue - many people won't answer unknown calls for several reasons (dodging bill collectors can be one -- LOL).

Lastly (getting off my soapbox) - unless there is an emergency or there's been a change of plans, etc. and I need to make a quick call, I sho ain't goin' to my girl's house to use her phone to call my man to chat! HEY, THAT'S JUST ME!!! 

[bishopbiscuits]

Da2bjeez,

........ I would hate to be in that position of having to deal with someone who is that insecure.
......I don't blame you for being angry. I applaud your self- control. Isn't it strange that the times when you have to use it most, is when you - in some sense or degree- don't want to? 
....... God bless you for choosing to persevere. May every lie spoken  about you be seen as false, and her  accusations as empty words!
.......Give no worth to, and let the "threat" be taken out of any words she may have. Don't let anyone else's doubt or confusion about you cause you to be confused about or doubt yourself. Or make you feel like you have to undo yourself any "damage" she has done. Let God in you and your testimony speak for you. Excessive worry will only make you miserable.
......Please , continue to honor God in your life. Your faithful testament of living rightly will outlast  anything that has been wrongly said about you.

.......Be of good courage. 

.......Mime? Very cool!      I have enjoyed seeeing mime ministry in action. To be able to emote and express so much is awesome! In music ministry, I have known what it is to be filled with your message and what you are conveying, committing your whole self to that communication to the audience.
.........I admire that talent. Continue to let Him use you for His glory.

.....One thing that I have noticed for myself: I am sometimes most vulnerable shortly after ministry of any kind. There is an openness and sensitivity that we flow in to commune with God and share ministerial gifts. Just be careful of what people and attitudes are around you at those times especially, as a general rule.

....... Just go ahead and be awesome for God, and this too shall pass (situation with the agitated one)   

[da2bjeez]

 


Greetings to all,


Thank you bishopbiscuits for your encourageing words. I really appreciate it.
Recenltly I found out some terriable news. First let me start by saying I have been angry and hostile towards the wife involved in this situatiion, but I have keep silent because unfortunately she is currently going thourgh a divorce. My feelings towards her began to surface in the middle of December, but I had no Idea with was happening in her life. I know she was insecure and jealous. The lord had laid her and her husband on my heart to pray and I couldn't figure out why it was so heavy.


On Sunday a sister in christ that is also on the mime team got engaged,and she asked my to be a bridesmaid, and told me that she (wife, don't want to call any names) would also be in the wedding. Due to the fact that I still feel so ill towards her I do not want to be in the wedding because she will be in it. I informed her that I would feel uncomfortable, because she would just give me an attitude, or be fony and I don't like fake people. My questions is should I speak to my pastors wife about how I'm feeling since she is aware of the situation in the past, or should I pray and ask God for direction on speaking to her, or should I just forget about it. Really it is eating me up inside, I feel sad and angry and the same time.

I sometimes feel like it is the devil because if I do approace her it would only make matters in her life worse and maybe thats what the enemy wants, but I really don't know. I need some advice on how to go about this. I feel that because she is not a good example of a wife, she should not be in the wedding she is fony and you can't tell if she is being real or not. I think she has her own problems to work out and can't really give clear advice to a bride to be, or maybe she can, I do not know. I believe she would not want me to be in the wedding, and if she did find out the bride ask me she would pretend to be happy. I don't know what to do. I'm very heart broken of her marriage situation and have been praying for her.  At nights I cannot fall asleep right away because I'm thinking of them. Its sad because they were my leaders examples of ministry as husband and wife. I think I feel the burben and pain to. I believe that things should be work out, but the groom apprantly does not feel so. Please I need some advice, any suggestions will help.


Thanks

Sister in Christ

[da2bjeez]

 


Greetings Deep Waters,



Did I say something wrong, becasue I haven't had any responds.




OK


THANKS

[Novelist]

Wow, I have been away for a while and it has arrived for me to say that I never knew I would receive a response from this topic after such a long while.  Foremost, you did not say anything wrong, you were expressing your feelings truthfully.  In a situation as this, I can imagine how difficult it could be and I do not know what my reaction may be if I were in your shoes.  Thank goodness you have made it this far without allowing a fight to happen between you and the young lady.  As you have mentioned, she has jealousy issues and obviously has to get over some hurts in her own life.  Agitation comes from a disturbance of the mind and emotions.  At times, people will do things to test you and await for the usual reaction, especially if they have experienced an episode or two.  It only gets worse when there are emotions flying in the air and someone is already on the edge. 

As I have shared in my text within this topic, my best friend and I are close, however, at times I battle with things on my own and I find that she does not relate to me because for whatever reason, which there must be a reason, we do not have the meeting of the minds.  I find that she may do things without realizing how much it gets to me and I have tried to divert from that.  Even now, we have our share of issues, but I am not sure where everything is going because I am focusing on my relationship with God, trying to get right and learning to place my trust and energy in God than to expect my "best friend" to be there.  Enough of my story.  I hope things work out for you and if you are not in the wedding, show up and support your friend in her new celebration of ministry.  I know it is tough, believe me, I am not sure if I would be that strong to show up, but hopefully you will and if not, that is your choice, but make sure you and your friend are on good terms and try not to allow this young lady to create a wedge between you because of her own insecurities.  Love to hear from you soon to share the outcome.


Novelist.