Breaking up with your girlfriend

[isheila]

I am a man aged 24 I lost my family on November 25 in a car crash my mother, young sister and brother died on the spot I suffered a broken arm and was in hospital for 2 weeks during which I fell in love with this girl. She was terrific in everything she did and we committed to no sex before marriage, i am strong believer so i tried to base my relationship on the word of GOD. My girlfriend has been having problems as her father and mother are going thru a separation. I have tried to help but she just closes me out. Now she has decided to end our relationship basing it on the fact that she needs tob alone to deal with her problems. What christian steps should I take to restore our relationship and help her go through the separation of her parents.

[Forum Administrator]

Hello isheila. You have gone through a lot with the loss of your family: physical pain as well as emotional pain. When your girlfriend got involved with you, she also got involved with your loss and your pain. Now that she is experiencing her own pain, it may be that bearing both your and her pain is just too much for her to handle at this time.

Relationships demand such an emotional investment from those involved that, even when all else is going well, it can take so much out of us. How much more so when there are other things going on in our lives that are draining us emotionally.

If your girlfriend wants to be alone right now give her the space that she needs... even though it is painful for you to do so especially since you have experienced such a great loss already. Let her know that even though it is painful for you, because you care about her, you will honor her request.

You do not need to restore the relationship. To try and force her to be with you when she feels she cannot handle a relationship right now may only cause her to pull further away from you. If she is not allowing you to support her physically (i.e. being in her physical presence, talking to her, etc.), support her spiritually with your prayers. That's a good way to express both your grief and hers.

You are both going through a grieving process: you with the death of your family and this recent adjustment in your relationship with your girlfriend; and her with the seeming death of her parent's marriage. Everybody has their own way of dealing with grief. Sometimes the most effective way of dealing with someone else's grief is to sit quietly and let the person who is grieving know that you are there for her whenever or if ever she choses to reach out to you. Should your own grief become too overwhelming for you to bear, we are sitting quietly and we are here for you whenever or if ever you choose to reach out for support.