What Is She Thinking?/My Friendship Is Over

[Novelist]

Recently, my "Bestfriend" and I have not been on good terms, now here is the scenario.  Currently, she has been hanging with this guy who is not her boyfriend, but a friend of her boyfriend.  She likes him because she has told me.  And we had talked about her feelings and and expressed that it was not right and she needed to do something different than hanging with him.  They attend the same church, they talk everyday, he calls her even when she is with her boyfriend and she thinks about him when they are apart.  Now, do not think that I like this guy because I don't.  He is cool, but it is not like that.  In this friendship: Everything is going crazy.  I don't understand why she is setting herself up for trouble knowing that it is not healthy for her or her relationship.  Of course she has been in a committed relationship, but she wants her cake and eat it too although she does not want to admit it.  I believe that she never did anything with this guy because he has not decided if he is going to be with a woman or man so that is a different story.  Overall, I think he is a nice guy, but I simply do not like their relationship together.  The truth is: I am selfish and perhaps jealous because she adores him more than me.  For one, I understand the relationship is different.  He is a male.  His personality is more outgoing than mine and so forth.  However, she is liking this a little bit too much.

I am her "bestfriend", but he receives phone calls from her, gets all of the attention, while I am going through, she does not care or this is what I am thinking.  She can at least call to see if I am alright or something, but this is how I am receiving it because whenever I called her, she would say, "I will call you back" or "I am leaving" and most of the times I knew with whom and it made me upset.  At first, I was okay, but eventually it infuriated me.  I make attempts to call her, but I do not want to feel the abandonment or rejection if she is not there or she appears to be too busy, especially with him.

Our friendship fluctuates.  We are not steady.  At one point, things would be fine and then all hell breaks loose.  Our mentalities are different more than ever.  Now, I am seeking a better relationship with God and on her end, I am not sure if she is serious as me, but I am making new friends who are going in the same direction and I feel as if she and I are growing apart.  It hurts me to feel this way.  As a friend, I should not feel this way.  Friendship is about trust and honesty and I feel like we are not implementing those things anymore.  Times are changing and so are we.  I am not sure what is happening, but there has to be more to life than her and other people.  Right now, I am trying to focus on God.

Our friendship was on the rocks because I felt left out.  She does not realize how much this has affected me, but all of this has to change.  For the past few months, we have not gone to the movies or had a time for ourselves as friends, but she did not understand my issues with money, my car, and etc.  I told her these things, but I guess I was too boring for her.  In the past, we talked about things that we wanted to do as friends like going to a spa together, going to the nail shop, which we have done before, but doing something festive and different was always a desire for me, but my funds were not sufficient to do those things.  Therefore, I believe that all of the time, I was just a time slot until she had some adventures.  Not that I am not adventurous, but I am the type who wants to have a little money in my pocket.  

Now, we are growing apart.  So many things are shutting down this relationship.  I feel like I have been rejected in a bad way.  Can you tell me if someone does not call for over 10 days, what is happening?  Is that clear enough that she does not want the friendship either.  I am finished.  She is a good person, but she has some ways that I will not deal with anymore.  Of course, I have my share in this, but I am the sensitive one who wants some attention and when I am busy or not, I make time to call my friends no matter what.  I recently wrote her a letter telling her my true feelings of relinguishing my title as her bestfriend because we are no longer close.  I believe we are growing apart and that is happening.  Was it right for me to say these things?  I feel bad in a way, but when I think about more, I am hurt too.  I don't know what to think anymore.  Maybe we were friends for a season.


Novelist.

[Novelist]

After contemplating about my friendship, I realize that giving up was the easiest way out.  I wanted to surrender, throw in the towel and say forget it, but on the other hand, we are bestfriends and we have history together.  Yes, we have our issues, but who does not?  At times I am susceptible to become vulnerable when the winds blow and now I have to be stronger than ever.  My bestfriend and I have more to conquer and that is Prayer.  We talked and now we are progressing.  The communication line is open and I believe that our relationship has been going through the storm.  Thus, friends come and go, a true friend is hard to find.  

I love and care about her well-being and she knows that.  I thought our friendship was over, but it is not.  So many times, I was caught up in my own way of thinking, speaking impulsively, and selfishness abided in me.  I wanted attention, love, support, and I was receiving all of that in some ways, but later on she discovered that both of us misunderstood each other and how easily we can overlook the way the other is feeling.  I agreed.  We must pray and ask God to intervene if this is his will to be done in our lives.  For one, God is my bestfriend and he places people in my life to make a difference.  Although we are on different journeys in our spiritual walk, perhaps I am in her life to make a difference for something.  I receive so much out of this.  If anyone is going through a relationship with issues, give it to God and he will work it out and bring newness in your life.


Peace and blessings,

Novelist.

[David Dupree]

Novelist,

You shouldn't be jealous over your friend's relationship.  The great thing about best friends is that you don't have to be in their face everyday to maintain your status as best friend.  

I think it is a good thing that you speak your mind about her relationship with the friend of her boyfriend.  But you still can't do anything about it.   In the meantime, let it run its course and then you be there as her best friend when she needs you more;  and not disrupt her situation just because you feel like you need her more.  

Long term friendships are subject to evolve as people grow and mature and change.  You either are willing to know that your friendship is true and will stand the test of time, come what may, or your friendship is not really a truly lasting friendship.  

Remember that some people come in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime....  

dd

[Novelist]

You are absolutely right about my feelings about her relationships with others.  I have examined myself and I am working on myself in many areas.  Friendship to me is very precious and when it seem as if my close friend is drifting away, I may become selfish at times.  I know that time and people change.  We all have to change at some point because life continues as the waves in the ocean, it ripples into many places and this is where I am now.  I have come to a place where I am looking toward God to be my everything, that means my bestfriend, my parents, my healer, my protector, which he is all of these things, I did not bother to give him the time he needed from me.  Indeed, it works both ways and I am taking one step at a time to finish the course.

Friendship is when someone is there for you whether it is for the meantime or a lifetime and I am willing to be a friend who would do so.  I appreciate your counsel and spiritual outlook.  Thank you, from the heart.

In fact, my bestfriend and I have decided to refresh and restore our relationship and we have discussed our differences in the open.  However, God is my source for everything, including this friendship.

God Bless You,


Novelist.