How to Respond to Physical Abuse

[Forum Administrator]

How to Respond to Physical Abuse
by Dennis Rainey

Let me begin by saying that I cannot think of a circumstance in a marriage or family that could justify abuse of any kind--emotional, mental, physical, or sexual. Abusive behavior was never and can never be a part of God's plan for a marriage or a family.

For the sake of clarity, I'm going to limit this answer to physical abuse. And by this I mean assaulting, threatening, or restraining a person through force. It would include hitting, slapping, punching, beating, grabbing, shoving, biting, kicking, pulling hair, burning, using or threatening the use of weapons, blocking you from leaving a room or the house during an argument, driving recklessly, or intimidating you with threatening gestures.

Also, I think it's important to note that I do not, like some others in today's culture, automatically classify spanking of children as abuse. I believe that loving, controlled physical discipline is biblical, and beneficial for a child. In some cases it can turn abusive when performed with anger or malice, and in those cases it must be stopped.

What do the Scriptures Say?

The Bible does not speak about destructive behavior within the family in terms we use today--"abuse," etc. It does, however, condemn ungodly behavior that can damage a marriage and family--sexual immorality, anger, wrath, malice and more. And it also includes a number of other exhortations that can help you determine how to respond to an abusive situation. For example:

• We should treat others with respect, as we want them to treat us (Matthew 7:12).
• We should love others sacrificially, even to the point of laying down our lives for them (John 15:13).
• The Bible is a history of redemption. God can move in the heart of any person, no matter how wicked, and make him a new creature in Christ. And He will use other people in this process--to help show an ungodly person his need for salvation.
• God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and calls us to uphold the marriage covenant (Matthew 19:1-9).
• We should not seek revenge, but return a blessing for an insult (1 Peter 3:9).
• We should "never pay back evil for evil to anyone" (Romans 12:17).
• We should submit to and comply with government laws (Romans 13:1-10, 1 Peter 2:13-17).
• We should involve others in confronting the sin of a brother in Christ (Matthew 18:15-17).
• We should involve the leaders of the local church when a sinning brother refuses to respond (Matthew 18:17).

When it comes to abuse, Christians should insist that everyone, especially Christians, uphold and obey the civil and criminal laws governing abuse in our society. We should decry abuse in any form, whether verbal or physical. We should seek to eradicate it from marriage, family and church. And we should do everything we can to redeem and help bring the abuser to a point of repentance and a change in behavior. Additionally, we also believe that God has placed authorities such as law enforcement officers in our lives to protect us from those who would do harm to us or our children.