Did I marry the wrong person too?

[christianthought]

I just started coming back to this site; it has been an enormous help in the past.  I was also quite eloquent. 

In all seriousness, and it may need to be a new topic, I am wondering if I married the wrong person too.  It has been about 15 months, and it's been rocky the entire time.  I thought it was just me, but one of my friends, who has been married for about 2 years, is having the same complaints as me. 

I know God doesn't make any mistakes, and I believe He laid it out for me (whether I should proceed with marrying my wife).  I must be doing something wrong, because this can't be it.

My wife hasn't done anything (that I know of), but she was texting one of her former boyfriends in the past (more than 2 months ago).  It wasn't R-rated or anything, but I told her, when I confronted her about it (found them in her phone) that it was very wrong, and that she was giving her heart to somebody else.  No way our relationship can grow or get better with that going on.  She initially disagreed; her aunt, who she told the next day, apparently was able to convince her that she was (which is another issue altogether).  I just don't get it.

[Gracious]

Welcome Back My Brother,

Hmmmmm...some "tuff-stuff" your dealing with ... Amen &  my prayers are definitely with you & your wife? 

Got a question for you. 

Would you please share with us ... your thoughts regarding the kind of marriage that you would like with your wife?



Gracious

[christianthought]

Sorry for the long delay; long days are really wearing me out!

I would like to have a marriage where we really have each other's back.  One where she knows I am in it for her, and she is in it for me, so to speak (not discounting God, of course).  I'll be the first to admit that there are things that can be improved, and that things may have not worked out how either or both of us hoped, but if two people are holding to their commitment and giving their all, then bologna sometimes is ok.  I mean, we are not to that point, but you get what I'm saying.

I don't know that she's committed, or rather, appreciative.  We had a conversation a few weeks back where she said that I was just going through the motions, and making the best of a bad situation.  That is exactly what I'm doing, because I'm tired of trying to be married to someone who shows no indication, aside from occasional lip service, that they are happy to be married in the least.

To be completely honest, if time magically rewound 2-3 years, I would not have married her.  I know that it isn't supposed to be like this, and definitely not this early on.

[Gracious]

Thank you for responding to my question.   

I see that you TRULY love your bride, in a beautiful Godly way!  GOD bless you my brother!And yes, I 'm sure that we all can understand about those loooong hectic & weary days ... Amen?  Especially with the economy being as it is!

Perhaps you'd agree that both you & your wife are experiencing "A FADING" of your honeymoon season?  You know ... the season that us married folk flow into some time after the "I Do's ... when your blessing (your marriage) FEELS like one great big question mark.  Huh ... Wouldn't it be awesome if our own strengths would rise when our own spouse's weaknesses rise?  That ole' 50/ 50, 60/ 40, 80/ 20 scenario (LOL)! 

Seldom does that happen in "real-life" though!  Most times our own weaknesses tend to mirror those of our spouse's & surface simultaneously ... Amen?  Meaning, one person may have unresolved feelings concerning their own self- worth, while the other person may have unresolved feelings concerning trust ... trust in themselves, which affects their trust in others?  Now, both of the above unresolved issues may appear to be different, however, both of them share a common denominator, which is ... "esteem"(value).  Which is what I'd meant when I'd shared: "...Most times our own weaknesses tend to mirror those of our spouse's & surface simultaneously."  Amen?

Whaal my friend, here's where I've seen many a new married couple make a mistake that may cost them "YEARS" of unnecessary agony ... by setting a dangerous marital tone of continued "perpetuating" discord!  Meaning, many married folk jus' seem to ignore their spouse's involuntary cry for help - hide - WAIT - 'til the coast is clear (because neither one of them know what to do about the other & FEAR doing the wrong thing), and soooo, they both "pretend" with each other.   They "pretend" that the issue(s) - on both sides / with both spouses don't exist ... they just "pretend" that "it" never happened & after a few months, breathe a sigh of relief that they'd weathered that storm.  The only problem with that dangerous stink'in think'in is ... errr ... aaaah ... that those "issues" haven't been resolved, they've simply been suppressed - surely to intensify / compound when both are met with their next set of issues.

Soooooo ... What to do?  Hmmm ...

Perhaps "acknowledgement" will help you?  Acknowledgement of our Creator - God's Inspiration - The Holy Bible speaks that:

James 5  (The New International Reader's Version - NIRV)
The Prayer of Faith
13 Are any of you in trouble? Then you should pray.

My brother, we know that LIFE is full of challenges and hardships-- especially for us Christians & MOST especially for us MARRIED Christians!  But GOD!!!  GOD has proven & shall continue to prove HIMSELF to be "a very present help in times of trouble" for HIS believers.  James 5:13 is an invitation from the Almighty GOD, to the sufferer using the medium of prayer for relief.  Go to HIM through prayer to gain strength & direction & peace, believing that HIS very Presence will take you over.
Yet, what do we do when life hurts us sooo, that we become fearful & confused & we lose our "how to pray"?

Maybe, during these times, it helps to  remember that our Savior (JESUS The CHRIST) not only gave HIS life for our sins ... the bible teaches us that HE ... BECAME sin before HE gave up the ghost - for us!!!  WHY???  So that there shall be no thing too horrible that we can even think about doing ... that when brought to HIM with an earnest contrite spirit ... HE will not forgive.   So even in the midst of your own imperfections ... you can enter BOLDLY into HIS presence - ask what you will ... from your heart ... & it SHALL be given unto you!!!  THAT's the kind of awesome GOD that we serve ... Amen? 

YES, my brother ... YOU are the "priest of your home"!!!  In this season, the Holy Ghost has led me to say to you that the tone within your home SHALL be set by YOU!!!  (With our Deity as "your" God-head). 

Our Deity truly is amazing - the way HE works, because HIS love is soooo all-consuming ... HE fixes all to work together for HIS good. 

Christianthought,

Perhaps you are facing a great opportunity within your marriage ... Amen?  Because you'd shared that:

"I would like to have a marriage where we really have each other's back.  One where she knows I am in it for her, and she is in it for me, so to speak (not discounting God, of course)."

Brutha', those beautiful words touched my heart sooo ... that upon 1st reading them last  evening, I jumped up from the keyboard, went into the family room where my own husband was ... and embraced him from my heart!!!  He loved me back &  said "WOW" - I shared with him, what you're going through & he then encouraged me to write a response to you & asked that I leave you with this scripture:

Isaiah 40:29-31
(King James Version)
29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he  increaseth  strength.
30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.     

God Bless you both,


Gracious

P.S.
Have you a Pastor - an impartial spiritual counselor with whom you can confide?  A "man & woman - husband & wife" who have a healthy track record with each other, that both you & your wife could counsel with? 'Cause this is the time when using your eyes tempered by the Holy Spirit will help you!!!  Perhaps praying & asking GOD to open your eyes to see your earthen conduits (those whom GOD has placed before you & anointed to affirm you both - in HIM)?